Yellow Rat Bastard

Some of the best stories I have ever heard actually happened to Prince Timothy. He lives in DC, and this is his tale.

Walking to his home in one of the more toney neighborhoods of our nation's capitol, Timothy discovered "a big, fat black rat - dead" on his doorstep.

This, of course, was more than P.T. could deal with. He contacted the building super, who was unavailable. Contacted the doorman, who was unwilling to assist. Contacted his housekeeper, who could not be bribed at any cost.

He went inside and donned his housekeeper's yellow rubber dishwashing gloves, put on a doctor's mask, and grabbed the rat in a pair of tongs. (He threw all of these items away immediately after the adventure.)

He crossed the street and dropped the dead rat in front of the building across the way, thinking the street cleaners would pick it up in a week or so. It was then, he reports, that a large black women came running up the hill.

"Oh no you didn't," she exclaimed, scaring the shit out of P.T. "You did not just drop that dead rat in front of my house. You take your dead ass rat and get it out of here."

"What could I do," offered P.T., "I was caught. She got her super, this snide little Asian fuck who usually loafs around half the day. He comes out and jumps my shit."

"You no can put rat here."

"I was just trying to move the problem off to someone else, they nailed me red-handed. I had to pick it up and walk it through my flat so I could put it in the dumpster behind my building. The whole thing was completely humiliating. I picked the wrong moment with the wrong person. It was not pretty. I got my ass handed to me, as they say. What are the odds? Glad you are laughing about it, Dorene. Go ahead, get all your giggles out."

The Rocket's Red Glare

If people are wondering why there is excessive waste in government resources, here is a prime example.

Mr. Rogers has taken one bong hit to many (my experiences with him have completely reversed my stand on legalizing marijuana, the only passive this man is would be passive-aggressive) and is now peddling an "amazing" story to the Environmental Protection Agency and the Alaska Division of Environmental Conservation.

I am sure in the end the truth will come out in the wash, it always does. But in the meantime all the staff there will be distracted from meaningful endeavors to chase down this BS story.

And private industry, in this case Seward Ships who is trying the remove the industrial waste sand piles that Mr. Rogers complained about earlier, is diverting their resources from the business of the day.

Since it would be available via FOIA, here is his post to the authorities:

Beginning of transmission:

From: Russ Maddox

To: kim_stricklan@dec.state.ak.us, leslie_pearson@dec.state.ak.us, leslie_simmons@dec.state.ak.us,Diane Richardson/R10/USEPA/US@EPA, Denise Baker/R10/USEPA/US@EPA, cmayer@borough.kenai.ak.us, deric_marcorelle@dec.state.ak.us, lhughes@borough.kenai.ak.us

Subject: Nash Rd Site

Hi All,

Sorry for the non-message. I just wanted to fill you all in on the latest next door. On the 21st Lorenz and SSDD hosted an event that is causing quite a stir that
you should all be aware of. The gist is that they blew up and shot up the waste scheduled to be removed TOMORROW. Seriously. The Troopers can fill in the
blanks, contact Trooper Brandon Anderson. Also see Lorenz own description of the event at;

See: First Annual Hampton's Turkey Shoot, Turkey Shoot
a Blast, Shooting Gallery for details.

Complete with photos and description. They literally blasted hundreds of pounds of lead and explosives(tannerite and dynamite) into the mix and blasted it all over. Exploding targets were actually buried in the waste and shot at with exploding
projectiles. Seriously. I will forward the newspaper this week to you all. Anchorage Daily News is already on it as well. Folks within a mile or two spent almost four hours crouched under their kitchen tables or in their basements. Hundreds of 911 calls went in. The Troopers were afraid to get closer than hovering above
and taking photos. I dread to imagine what may lie ahead.

As always, know I wouldn't waste your time with anything but facts as I SAW them firsthand. Thank all of you for your efforts on behalf of our environment.

Sincerely,
Russ

End of transmission.


Let's start from the beginning and dissect this.


"On the 21st Lorenz and SSDD hosted an event that is causing quite a stir that
you should all be aware of."

As was made very clear in a previous posting, Seward Ships sponsored a golf hole which was never used. They did not host this event. They did not sponsor any target shooting activity.

"The gist is that they blew up and shot up the waste scheduled to be removed
TOMORROW. Seriously."

Not true. Seriously.

"The Troopers can fill in the blanks, contact Trooper Brandon Anderson."

Lt. Anderson will tell you the same thing that Seward Police Chief Tom Clemens and Seward City Manager Clark Coolbridge will tell you. A week prior to the Turkey Shoot I stopped by City Hall and advised them all about the event.

"They literally blasted hundreds of pounds of lead and explosives(tannerite and dynamite) into the mix and blasted it all over. Exploding targets were actually
buried in the waste and shot at with exploding projectiles. Seriously."

I am beginning to wonder if Mr. Rogers uses the word "seriously" to emphasis what he is saying because he realizes that there is no credibility behind it. One of the things I studied at University of Arizona, Tucson. This would make a great paper. Where is Dr. Ewbank?

No hundreds of pounds of anything, no dynamite, the tannerite just exploded zip-lock bags, no exploding projectiles. Nothing was in the sand. Sand was covered and way out of the line of fire. Seriously, what movie was Mr. Rogers watching that he transposed all of this?

"I will forward the newspaper this week to you all. Anchorage Daily News is already
on it as well."

If you are a reporter covering this story you had best do some serious fact checking. Unless you are from the National Enquirer. If you are running this is the National Enquirer let me know when because I don't usually look at the rag while I am in the line at the grocery store and I can use the laugh.

"Folks within a mile or two spent almost four hours crouched under their kitchen tables or in their basements. Hundreds of 911 calls went in. The Troopers were afraid to get closer than hovering above and taking photos. I dread to imagine what may lie ahead."

An alien invasion perhaps? So are we to infer that SPD has significantly more balls that AST - you recall the picture of the SPD officer at the scene, not looking very afraid at all. And what were the Troopers hovering in, an invisible helicopter? When did they get an invisible helicopter? Is that why Frank's jet cost so much?

"As always, know I wouldn't waste your time with anything but facts as I SAW them firsthand."

I was unaware that Mr. Rogers has superhero powers. An invisible man suit? X-ray vision? He simply wasn't there and there was no way he could view what was going on without trespassing, and we kept a tight lookout for anyone who might we wandering though and possibly get hurt. Perhaps he has a satellite feed...if so, why isn't he sharing with the Troopers?

Anyway, the buzz in Enviroland was ridiculous. Like these people don't have real jobs and real things to be investigating. I came in late in the game so I missed out on some of the chatter, after all, I am only the land owner, what do I need to know? Here is a taste of the drama.

Please keep in mind that these EPA/ADEC people are just doing their jobs and are following protocal to make check up on a very colorful complaint. I have removed names so that these folks don't get harrassed about it at the post office.

-----Original Message-----
From: EPA
To: EPA, ADEC
Subject: Nash Rd Site

So if they really fired lead shot into the piles, don't they now need to resample?They could've potentially just turned it all into hazardous waste and therefore, has to be manifested out of Alaska. What a lovely thought huh?

Environmental Protection Specialist
US EPA Anchorage Ops Office



-----Original Message-----
From: ADEC
To: EPA
RE: Nash Rd Site

Seward Ships called ADEC this morning to let us know that the trucks would begin hauling out the waste grit this afternoon and should be done by Wednesday this week. ADEC is scheduled to be in Seward tomorrow and Wednesday to observe removal of the waste grit from the Lorenz property. The issue about the potential for this becoming
hazardous waste is your call, EPA. If you want ADEC to pass this on to EPA, let me know.

ADEC

-----Original Message-----
From: EPA
To: ADEC
Subject: RE: Nash Rd Site

It's not so much that I WANT to go down this road but where is the grit going to end up? If they have put enough stuff in there to turn it into a haz waste, is the place it's going able to support that environmentally?

I just don't understand how it is that these people thought they could do something like this to what was already a waste material needing to be cleaned up.

I didn't read far enough in on the website to see what all Dorene admitted to putting in those piles but I know for a fact that some small arms shells do fail TCLP for lead because I dealt with it with the military.

Shooting ranges when they pick up the shells, then have to do waste determinations. I don't know what kind of crowd was at this turkey shoot either to know what kind of
volume we might be looking it.

It just seems to me that they (either SSDD or Ms. Lorenz) should have to resample now that they've created a new waste stream.

Is the cell this stuff's going into lined at least? This whole thing has really just caught me off guard and seems to ridiculous that they'd come up with something like this. I honestly don't know what to do with it all.

EPA


-----Original Message-----
From: ADEC
To: EPA/ADEC
Subject: RE: Nash Rd Site

Good morning Diane,

The waste is scheduled to go to the new lined cell at the Soldotna landfill. Besides the benefit of the normal landfill waste mass and liner is the Kenai Peninsula Borough's future plans to recirculate leachate --- something we in the solid waste program support.

We are currently trying to get the EPA RD&D rule adopted in order to support such leachate recirculation projects.

The waste was previously analyzed to ensure that it didn't meet the definition of hazardous waste and that it could meet the Borough's policies for waste acceptance.

Prior to this incident, Borough waste managers evaluated the lab results and declared it acceptable for disposal.

If you think Russ Maddox's claims have validity and the waste needs to be analyzed again, one option might be to ask the Borough to store the waste until the hazardous waste questions are resolved. This will allow the Department's issues with Seward Ship's Drydock to be resolved.

By the way, I've no idea if the people at Seward Ship's Drydock know about this, so I've included them in the cc list. I've also included the Kenai Peninsula Borough so
they don't feel blindsided about this.

ADEC


-----Original Message-----
To: DoreneMLorenz
From: Seward Ships
Re: Sand & Bullets

I'll bet you found the e-mail I forwarded to ya interesting ! ! ! ! I talked with Leslie Simmons and straightened out the "lies" your neighbor told everybody. Leslie is sending out an e-mail to all concerned telling them to cool their jets !!! I'll forward it to you

DJ

-----Original Message-----
To: EPA
From: ADEC
Re: Sandblast grit and shot

Seward Ships is on the phone with me now. He's informed me that before
the shoot, a berm was established. It can be verified as it is still in
place. The sand piles are about 4 feet high, not high enough to be shot
into safely. The berm was built to a height between 8 and 12 vertical
feet. None of the shot or explosives went into the sandblast grit piles.
The shot was shot into logs and dirt.

All law enforcement agencies in the area were pre-notified and had no
issues about the event. The explosive was tannerite and was exploded,
unconfined above ground. The quantity of expended steel, lead and
copper shot DJ estimates at less than 50 pounds. The largest caliber
firearm was an 8 mm - the size of a hunting rifle. The event compares
to activities at a rifle range on a lesser scale.

Hope this helps.

ADEC


-----Original Message-----
To: ADEC
From: Seward Ships
Re: Turkey Shoot Berm

Just read the last e-mail from EPA; again, this was a very safe, controlled event, there was no small arms discharged into the sand piles, there were no explosives detonated in the sand piles or close enough to commingle any materials ! ! Shooting in any direction other than the established berm was not allowed, period ! The berm is located south and west of the sand piles.

Regards,

Seward Ships

-----Original Message-----
To: ADEC
From: EPA
Re: Turkey Shoot Berm

The photos I looked at appeared as if the shot was fired in the direction of the piles. Is there a photo somewhere showing this "berm"?

If any of the shot or explosives went into any part of the sandblast grit, it will need to be resampled to determine if that portion is now a hazardous waste.

As I stated in my previous email, there are actually small arms ammo shells that fail tclp for lead and one other constituent I can't think of at the moment. At the moment, I'm not concerned about the notification issue since it's not a RCRA issue. I am however concerned about the potential of a changed waste stream going to a municipal landfill without being resampled.

Was this "berm" built somewhere in front of the piles so that there was no potential that any of the shells or anything else could even get to the piles of grit? Last I was there, it didn't seem that there was much space between the road (can't remember the name of the dirt road in there) and the grit piles.

I guess for RCRA purposes, I need to know whether any of the grit was mixed with the shot or other constituents at this turkey shoot and this "berm" may now be a hazardous waste as well and it's not the weight of the ammo used, it's the weight of all material contaminated by the shot and explosives.

The lead alone has the potential to leach into the ground so you don't just dig out the shells, you have to test the material the shells went into as well.

EPA


-----Original Message-----
To: ADEC
From: EPA
Re: Turkey Shoot Berm

Thanks for including people I hadn't thought of or didn't know about.

I'm glad to hear the cell is at least lined. I'm currently reading through some of the website information provided.

There are pictures of quite a few guns. I'm not familiar with them so I don't know what make or model I'm looking at and not sure what type of ammo is used in each one.

Looking at the "First Annual Hamptons Turkey Shoot" piece it talks about an "Industrial Waste Sand Trap Golf Tee-off" which claims that portion was at least sponsored by Seward Ships so I assumed they knew about it.

In Dorene's "Hold Harmless Agreement" she mentions something about "explosion of considerable magnitude or any demonstration of spot on expert targeting with the weapon of the sharpshooters choice."

When you read "Turkey Shoot a Blast" the first thing is says is "It may have been the Tannerite, a binary explosive reactive target, that got them to send the ambulance,..." and then a couple more short paragraphs down it mentions a whole bunch of different weapons.

I know there was sampling done previously but I'm sure none has been done since they added this mess to it on September 21, 2005. Shooting ranges have lead problems to deal with once they get to the point of cleaning up. This is a removal of waste that now has been altered with potentially hazardous waste.

Again, I'm no expert on the weapons or ammo used so I don't know exactly what the chances are of finding something like lead now but at a minimum, it would be nice if someone could figure that out.

Just makes me a little nervous knowing the little bit that I do about shooting ranges and small arms ammo that the Army use to incinerate. There are definite shells that fail tclp for lead.

I have no idea what the Tannerite binary explosive has in it that might be considered hazardous waste.

It really just doesn't make sense to me that this would be allowed to take place when this waste was scheduled to be removed and had already been sampled. Why would someone then be allowed to alter the waste and not have any responsibility to make sure they didn't now turn it into a hazardous waste.

If this waste is owned by the dry dock, then they need to take the responsibility to resample the grit to make sure it's not a hazardous waste. There is no one in the State of Alaska that can legally take that volume of hazardous waste. The potential itself concerns me a bit. I'm going to run it by some co-workers in the Seattle office as well.

Ok after further discussion with co-workers, the waste stream has changed and now there is a responsibility to resample to determine if it's now a hazardous waste. I would agree the waste is probably better off in a lined cell than on the ground in a wetlands area but there is definitely a new waste stream and putting it in the cell is certainly not the end of it.

If only 5 or 10 or however many piles were affected by this turkey shoot, then those 5 or 10 (or whatever that number might be) are the piles that need to be resampled. The sampling should not include the piles that weren't affected.

However, if they mix all that waste together and then find they have samples that are hazardous, they may end up being responsible for manifesting the entire load as a hazardous waste as opposed to some subset of that. EPA regulations 40 CFR 262.11 state that if a person generates a solid waste, it's their responsibility to determine if it's a hazardous waste.

The waste stream changed when they added ammo and targets and whatever else might have been mixed in. The Dry Dock needs to find a way to segregate the piles that have now changed from the piles that weren't affected and then resample the affected piles to make sure they aren't now a hazardous waste. If it turns out it is hazardous waste, they will have to dig those piles up and manifest them to a permitted facility in the lower 48.


FYI - lead may not be the only potential waste so they would need to sample for whatever potentials there would be based on the material mixed in the sandblast grit.


-----Original Message-----
To: ADEC
From: Seward Ships
Re: Turkey Shoot Berm

Just read the last e-mail from Diane Richardson; again, this was a very safe, controlled event, there was no small arms discharged into the sand piles, there were no explosives detonated in the sand piles or close enough to commingle any materials ! ! Shooting in any direction other than the established berm was not allowed, period ! The berm is located south and west of the sand piles.


-----Original Message-----
To: EPA
From: ADEC
Re: Turkey Shoot Berm

Passing this on to you from Seward Ships. By the way, Seward Ships just called me. He knows that I’m sending this to you. He would like you to tell him what he needs to do to resolve this so the grit can be taken from the Lorenze property and accepted at the landfill. He’s standing by for your response.

-----Original Message-----
To: ADEC
From: EPA
Re: Turkey Shoot Berm

I need to see some proof of the berm that shows that it would stop anything from co-mingling with the grit. The photos on the website that I looked at make it look as though the shooting is in the direction of the grit piles. Photos of the berm in relation to the grit piles would help me. If there's some digital photo capacity that could be emailed, I'm here.

-----Original Message-----
From: ADEC
To: EPA
Re: Turkey Shoot Berm

I just talked to Seward Ships and sent the message again since he hadn't seen it
yet. He says he'll go take some pictures after he's read the message
and will send them as soon as he can.

-----Original Message-----
From: Seward Ships
To: EPA/ADEC/Borough
Re: Turkey Shoot Berm

Here are a couple of pictures. I marked the one with the direction of the range to the berm. In order for anything to come in contact with the sand, firearms would have to been pointed in a very unsafe direction, this did not happen. The piles were covered during all activities; you can see the covering that we have removed while we are loading the material for transport.


-----Original Message-----
From: EPA
To: Seward Ships
Re: Turkey Shoot Berm

Ok you might have to help me out here a little. If I were standing on that dirt road looking at the piles of grit...which side of them is the berm?

You'll have to give me "right or left"...I've never been good with north, south, that kind of direction. I'm trying to picture where this berm was set up.

What this made from soils that were already on the ground on Dorene's property? And you don't happen to know if the soils used were from right where they sit,or the other side of her property toward her neighbor's fence line do you?

-----Original Message-----
From: Seward Ships
To: EPA/ADEC/Borough
Re: Turkey Shoot Berm

The berm is on the left side of the sand. The berm is from existing soil on the property from right in front of where the berm is. No soil was moved from any other location on the property.

-----Original Message-----
From: EPA
To: Seward Ships/ADEC/Dorene Lorenz
Re: Turkey Shoot Berm

Thank you all for the photos and directions, it does give me a better feel for location and as long as you can assure me that the grit piles weren't disturbed during all of this (which I will take from a previous email) then I am fine with going forward with the work on removing the grit to the landfill.

We may have other issues with the berm but I do understand that is totally separate from the grit piles.

Also Ms. Lorenz, since you are reading these as well, would you please provide me with the status of your response to EPA's NOV/3007? It was due this past Friday and my understanding is that it has not been received yet.

Thanks again.

I have one more question for you while we're sending the emails, when our Seattle office granted you your request for an extension, they also included a form asking for access to your property for basically an inspection that may include sampling.

That form was to have come back to me within I believe 10 days of receiving the request. I haven't seen that either. Is that a denial of access or would you be willing to fill that out and send it to me?

It would be myself with one other person from this office to make my life easier with the potential for sampling. I'm kind of hoping we can do this before the snow hits the ground since it would be easier without the snow. Besides, quite honestly, I'm sort of a fair weather person when it comes to inspections if at all
possible.

You can call me at the number below if you want to talk about either the response or access agreement.

-----Original Message-----
From: Dorene Lorenz
To: EPA
Re: Hamptons visit

Attached is my response, a Microsoft Word file. Let me know if you
have any difficult opening it.


26 September 2005

Ms. Betty A. Wiese, Manager
Air, RCRA Compliance Unit
Office of Compliance and Enforcement
US EPA Region 10
1200 Sixth Avenue
Seattle. Washington 98101

Re: Your letter of 10 August 05


Dear Ms. Wiese,

Thank you for the EPAís consideration in giving me an extension in time to respond to your Notice of Violation and Information Request while dealing with the illness and eventual loss of my grandmother.
As I mentioned to Lisa Castanon, I am confused as to your interest in this matter. As you are aware, the Alaska Department of Environmental Conservation is the agency in charge of managing the burn clean-up at my Nash Road property. They have agreed to a bio-remediation of the soil on-site, and we are following the proper procedures in that venue.

I am willing to have the EPA perform an inspection of my property only after the scope of the sampling and analysis plan has been defined for me. I am wanting to know specifically what the target entities are, what material is to be sampled, how, where, and why.

As you are aware, the EPA and ADEC have already taken extensive samples of all burn effected areas, pre and post clean up. I have previously denied access for Super Fund testing to occur, based on the fact that no one at any regulatory agency was able to suggest to me that they felt my property would qualify as a Super Fund site.

If the EPA is now suggesting that my property would qualify as a Super Fund site there had better be some serious analysis behind that estimation, and I would be most interested in hearing it.

As to the concerns addressed in the July 11, 2005 Notice of Violation and Information Request I recommend that you pull your file on my property. All of the information you request is already in your possession. I have no knowledge of any hazardous waste being stored, generated, treated, disposed of or transported from my property other than the waste previously considered by the EPA as the ìNash Road Burn.

As I suggested to Lisa Castanon, I am not sure which barrels you are referring to in your July 11th Notice. I have barrels on my property in various locations. Some are empty, some are full of animal feed, personal effects, clothing, bedding, or shoes.

In compliance with my waste management plan, I have used barrels to transport the burn pile dirt, and waste collected from Russ Maddox, via Phillips Environmental to a certified haz mat waste facility in the Lower 48. This was approved by the ADEC, who assisted me in arranging permission to use the Household Hazardous Waste Program with the Kenai Peninsula Borough.


Warm regards,

Dorene M. Lorenz


-----Original Message-----
From: KPB
To: Seward Ships
Re: Waste Disposal

Consider this KPB approval for SSDD to proceed with disposal of the +/- 367 CY of sandblast grit from SSDD and Lorenz properties as previously discussed.

Thank you all for the prompt information & cooperation in getting this issue resolved.


NOW WASN'T THIS AN INCREDIBLE WASTE OF EVERYONES DAY. THANKS FOR THE SHENANIGANS, MR. ROGERS.

Casmir Fires her First Shot

Gidget made her move as a potential member of Charlies Angels by banging out a relatively sweet pattern with a 22 pistol.

She proclaimed target practice as "The most fun I had all weekend."

High praise considering she got to hang with a couple of great paint Tennessee Walking horses. Thinking she is hooked.

Go West Young Man?

Scileppi became one of my favorite people the instant I laid eyes on him.

He has his issues, let's get that out front first. I cannot pronounce his name for my life. He smokes. He has a history of getting distracted at the worst possible moments by psycho-chicks who stalk him for months after they were never-really-dating-in-the-first-place.

His points of quality have always greatly outweighed his bad points. He can discern between someone doing the right thing for the wrong reason, and the person doing the wrong thing for the right reasons in a blink of his eye. He understands the inherent beauty of the work of Gustav Klimt. He is brilliant, wickedly smart, clever, and oozes the sophisticated boyish charm of Cary Grant. Not only does he know how to read, he also knows how to speak.

So when Scileppi makes an appointment to speak to me about something important, and then calls from his Manhattan bathtub - you know there is something afoot.

Crossroads of life. And I sooo get this one.

Do you pick the penthouse apartment on 76th and Park Avenue with the 360 degree views of the New York skyline and Central Park or a 1,000 acre ranch in the Tubac desert with a sky full of diamonds that glitter 12 months out of the year?

Do you chose lifelong friends, the strength of your family or the opportunities afforded you by the contacts and alliances you have made in your travels?

Do you make it on your own merits, or walk the high rope with a safety net below you?

I can understand the lure of each life, the draw after a time living inside a glimpse of what could be. The headache and heartache of the sacrifices of each. Chasing down the variables to attempt to determine where each road will leave you.

Scileppi and I are very different animals, yet very similar in our differences. It brings me great honor that he would seek out my opinion in such a significant determination. Need to sleep on it, think it through, not a hasty choice to make. Have been through the same process myself, more than once - but what is right for me is not necessarily right for Scileppi.

Oh yes, this dreamy gentleman is single - and if you are interested and pass my "is she worthy" questions I will forward your contact info to him.

Cousin Loren's Ponderisms

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Remember that Right to Bear Arms thing?

Anonymous from Seward, Alaska said...
Probably a pretty poor idea in a residential area. Maybe you figured that out after all the 911 calls.
5:45 PM

You know one of the things that I like about living in America... if you live in a low population density rural area, give plenty of notice to the authorities, hold a private event during reasonable hours using prudent precautions for safety - you get to enjoy target shooting your legal weapons.

For those of you not in the know, I have no neighbors on either side for over two acres from the shoot, for over 60 acres from the back of the shoot, and the only neighbor within an acre of the front of the shoot came over and joined us. The turkey shoot was completely legal in this area.

We had fun. And for those of you who haven't caught on yet, no turkeys were harmed during this activity. It was a turkey shoot not a turkey hunt.

Anonymous from Seward, Alaska said...
I take that back. I guess you didn't figure it out.
10:22 AM

You know, like most people, I don't give much concern to comments from those who hide behind the "Anonymous" marker. I take them for entertainment value only. You note with 10 comments only one was negative, that being from Mr. Anonymous - and I am letting you remain that way out of courtesy for your cowardise. But I know exactly who you are, down to your name, street address, ip address, operating system being that middle American favorite Windows XP. See you are using that tired Internet Explorer 6.0 - may want to spring for an upgrade, 7.0 has been around for a while now. With 1024x768x32 resolution on that screen you should get the picture. Thanks for stopping by.

Dorene


Anonymous from Seward, Alaska said...
Only a F-ing idiot wrapping themselves in the flag would poke fun at activating the already strapped emergency services of a small town by turning their property into a warzone without having the simple decency to notify their neighbors, instead letting helpless pets crouch under furniture soiling themselves all day to avoid going outside and being scared half to death by automatic gunfire, high explosives, and perhaps animal cruelty. The City of Seward sure picked themselves a LOSER for a City Council Person who shows ABSOLUTELY NO RESPECT FOR HER NEIGHBORS,(who were disturbed by gunfire all day and are continuing to suffer the TOXIC effects of her lack of any sense of stewardship) HER LAND,(now a toxic waste dump holding materials including boat bottom paint, toxic sandblast grit contaminated with diesel fuel, as well as heaven knows how much lead and shell casings.), or HER COMMUNITY (laughing about taking VOLUNTEER FIREFIGHTERS AND EMT's way from their day jobs to respond to what may have been a legal, but certainly not an ethical activity) Thank God there was not an earthquake, Motor Vehicle Accident, Heart Attack or other true emergency happening while our dedicated local volunteers were responding (putting themselves at risk) to an obvious false alarm.
While I do not live inside the city limits, and therefore am a second class citizen (despite my habit of shopping in Seward, paying a sales tax, instead of shopping in Anchorage where everything is de-facto 6% off), I will do what I can the next election cycle to get rid of this MORON who absolutely does not care about her community, her neighbors, or her land. Develop some ethics, honey
2:34 PM



Dear Second Class Citizen:

How ethical is it to cry wolf to local authorities about an activity that you obviously knew about before hand (because we can track you reading about it in my blog, duh) pretending that you had no idea what was going on? About just as ethical as suggesting that I have a toxic waste dump on my property when significant testing (because of your complaints) has proven otherwise. You are right, I would not consider myself to have the same level of ethics that you have - nor would I ever aspire to.

Dorene

Turkey Shoot a Blast

It may have been the Tannerite, a binary explosive reactive target, that got them to send the ambulance, but luckily we stopped Homeland Security, the Alaska State Troopers, and Bear Creek Fire Department while we could still hear all the siren calls echoing from a mile away.

Seward Police Department did come by to pet the turkeys, and mentioned that the notice I gave a week ago was still hanging at the office.

Apparently the 911 calls mentioned automatic weapons fire and explosions.

Oh, look, there are the automatic weapons. Right next to the guys from the Alaska Machine Gun Association.

The turkeys loved the turkey shoot. Miss Cuba wanted to try out everything, the FNC rifle, the Ouzi and mini-Ouzi with suppressors, the Benelly entry shotgun, the GPMGs - a M6 74 and a PKM, the G3 and CZ 58 select fire rifles, the HNK MPS, and most especially the FNP 90 submachine gun with 5.7 armor defeating projectiles that cost 75 cents each.

The local boys brought their own, a Mark 2, a 357 Desert Eagle, a 1939 Polish Radom and 40 caliber Glock 27. Lets not forget the "45 military whatever." Buck particularly liked how the Desert Eagle flipped its empty shells all over the place. He got so cocky he even chased the two labador retrievers around.

Sara was on hand, and she really has the best photos, posted below...but wanted to give a shout that everyone had a good time. Didn't get to the golf, the rather elegant and elaborate skeet range and weapons, or the turkey poesy contest. Didn't even get the barbecue going, everyone was too busy blasting away.

Many thanks to our USPS (30 years) working weapons dealer, a vegetarian who owns six cats - and our flower sniffing, tree hugging, environment loving buddy, who provided a safe and fun time for all involved.

Shooting Gallery

First Annual Hamptons Turkey Shoot

Important Details:
3:30pm-7:00pm
Wednesday, September 21st
Mile 1.2 Nash Road
Seward, Alaska
By invitation only



What to bring:
Your Wild Turkey call
Anyone cool enough to be invited
Your favorite slab of dead animal or salmon for the BBQ
(if you forget we have some humpies on the bank you can pick)
If you are a weenie, and you want to get roasted, just pull it out.
Weapons of choice.
Plenty of ammo.
Ear plugs & Eye protection.
Body Armor Optional.

Events
Blazo bonfire
marshmallows provided


Turkey Shooting Contest
Bring your Own Bottle of Wild Turkey
Barrels and 2x4s provided on range.
Skeet toss also available.


Industrial Waste Sand Trap Golf Tee-off
Sponsored by Seward Ships
Bring your balls, clubs provided.


Turkey Dressing Contest
Vanta proclaimed Weds as "Seward's Day of Caring."
She suggested we plant flowers, but it is a little late in the season for that so we are going to see who can put a ring of posies around the birds neck the quickest.
Sponsored by Bob Valdetta

The Big Bang
Exploring new theories in target shooting.

Hamptons Wild Turkey Shoot
Hold Harmless Agreement

I hereby swear and promise to hold harmless Dorene Lorenz, the Kenai Peninsula Borough, the City of Seward, the Seward Police Department, the Alaska State Troopers, the Bear Creek Fire Department, Tom Walker, Mary Lorenz, JR Thomas, Thomas Development Inc., Penny Hardy and their descendants from any strict, general, implied, or assumed liability from any injury or damage resulting from any participation, at any level, including spectator and innocent bystander, in the Hamptons Wild Turkey Shoot.

I promise not to sue, swear, bad mouth or give any dirty looks should I, say, poke out my eye, shoot off my toe, loose my hearing (temporary permanent), or have a large flaming metal object fall upon my head. This also includes, but is not limited to, space alien abductions, swarmming of red hat ladies, and losing ones virginity.

I promise not to go anywhere near any weapon of any kind if I have been drinking. I understand that the drinking section is the spectator section, and any spectators who get out of line run the risk of being shot. That includes mouthy red heads who have not been drinking and choose to heckle the participants past a level determined reasonable by the mutual consent of the majority of other onlookers.

I understand fully that anything I eat from the bar-be-que may be cause for contracting salmonella, herpes painful gastronomical events, and may make me fat. I understand that anything cooked by Sara Nan will be rated as "Deliciousious," "The best I have ever had," and "Down right yummy," less I run the risk of having my head ripped off.

I understand that it is my own responsibility to responsibly and carefully and deliberately shoot only at the specified targets on the field. Any shooting of/at/near wildlife, wildfowl, stray dogs, and/or stray neighbors is strictly prohibited with no enforcement measures legally available to those who are hosting this event.

I promise to yell "Waaaaa-Hooooo!" after any explosion of considerable magnitude or any demonstration of spot on expert targeting with the weapon of the sharpshooters choice. This also includes any detonation of paint-bomb landmines by nosy neighbors who should have been minding their own business in the first place.

I understand that any photographs taken by the hosts of the event, including Polaroids, may be used for commercial and non-commercial purposes for years to come. I understand that in referenced to such photographs I may be named either by my full Christian birth name or any hick nick-name that the hosts may come up with that appropriately describe my particular status at this event in the particular context of the said photograph. I understand that such is done only for entertainment purposes and promise not to take it personally if folks around town adopt such reference and it ends up that I am forever known as and referred to by said nickname.

I understand that I am engaging in a super duper hazardous activity, with both known and unknown hazards, and I am on property completely at my own risk. I have been advised to wear ear and eye protection, a hard hat, body armor, and steel toe boots. I understand that in addition to severe body damage my reputation as a man is at stake and may be lost.

Sign and swore in Seward, Alaska this 21st day of September 2005.

Must be signed prior to entry on premises.

Isn't Steve Just so Funny

Lisa, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.

She emphatically told George and several others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.

George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing.

Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Lisa's house...walked home....and left it there all night.


Don't ya just love ol' George

Ellen has Annointed me Queen

The owner of the only "mommy" blog that I like, only because it is hilariously funny, is one I found surfing BlogExplosion.com called The Reign of Ellen.

In addition to making fun of her deserving husband (if you think for a moment that he is an innocent bystander read his 100 things about Ellen) she is a very talented artist. Her cartoons are great, highly recommend you check her out by hitting the title of this post.

And many thanks to Ellen for making the first cartoon of me that I am aware of.

And my cousin Loren just sent me a new joke:

I was sitting in a cafeteria recently, next to a woman (blonde), who was engrossed in her newspaper. One of the headlines blared: "12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed."

She shook her head at the sad news.Then, turning to me, asked: "How many is a brazilian?"

1956 Seward High Handbook Verifies Brent Whitmore Robbed

Yes, it is pretty obvious. Tucked in between the smart pages of the 1956-1959 Student Handbook of the Seward High School is evidence that Brent Whitmore was robbed. This snappy little number was actually published by the Anchorage Daily News, compiled by the Class of 1959, with my aunt Darlene Sorenson as Editor and Ronald Norton as Associate Editor.

It features the words to Marie Drakes Alaska's Flag Song, then newly minted. Offers the historical background and traditions of Seward and its high school. "Chief among these traditions is the initiation of the Freshman by the Seniors. This practice has been going on without interruption and with little change ever since high school courses were established prior to 1920."

Don'ts for Students includes "DON'T touch the shades. It is the teacher's responsibility to adjust them."

Course Requirements suggests that "Physical education, band, chorus, and orchestra are not considered solid subjects and only 1/4 credit is received from them."

College Requirements offers that "Some colleges also require physics and/or chemistry and two years of a foreign language and most colleges specify algebra and plane geometry as required mathematics."

Rules tells us that "Students are expected to be appropriately dressed for school. All outer clothing will be kept in lockers. This includes jackets, overshoes, coats, etc. No student shall wear any head covering in school. This applies to both boys and girls. Girls will wear dresses or conservative slacks; they will not wear jeans or other extremes of clothing; also hair must be properly fixed. No pin curls, etc."

Things to Remember include "Join one of the two political parties that are formed during the first week of each school year."

School Activities tell us that "A Talent Show is put on annually by those with outstanding talent." and that "One of our newest organizations is the Ski Club which was formed last year. Skiing is good at mile twelve but the tow operated at mile fifty-two by Oliver Amend makes skiing much easier and so attracts more skiers."

Scholarships and Awards notes that "The University of Alaska offers a Territorial Scholarship to the highest ranking graduate who has attended Alaska high schools during his entire high school career. This scholarship pays his room rent for the year."

The school Constitution and a map of the new building are included. VIP list DOES NOT INCLUDE BRENT WHITMORE. Linda Watsjold is the Freshman Class President, Dorothy Birch Vice President, Jackie Stewart Secretary, Doug Smyth (finally a man) Treasurer, Class Representatives were Ross Carol and Virgina Blue and the Class Reporter was Tommy Tressler. No mention at all of Brent Whitmore as a Freshman VIP. I am sure he was as crushed as we are to discover the news. By the way, minus 50 pounds when I saw him tonight, Brent is looking REALLY GOOD!!

School Songs and Yells are my favorite part of this document. Several pages of cheers lost to the ages.

"Step on the starter
Shift into Low
Come on Seahawks Go! Go! Go!
Step on the Starter
Shift into High
Palmer Moose Bye! Bye! Bye!"

"BrrrrrrrrrBoom
Jumping Jive With A Down Beat
We've got a team
That's really neat
Real Gone Hip Daddy-o
Come on Seahawks Go Man Go!"

"Step on the Starter
Crank up Lizzie
Come on Seahawks
Let's Get Busy!"

A List of Students offers all regularly enrolled students, the faculty, and school board members. Then the Student Do's, "Try out for the school plays. Who knows, you may be another Frank Sinatra or Marilyn Monroe!"

To find this recently recovered gem click on the title of this post or go to:


http://www.dorenelorenz.com/home/homepages/writer/
writerpages/segpages/sept05/sept2005.html

Why the Democrats should Shut Up about the War

“Walk softly and carry a big stick" Teddy Roosevelt

"Well said." John Glenn

Things that make you think a little........

1. There were 39 combat related killings in Iraq during the month of January. In the fair city of Detroit there were 35 murders in the month of January. That's just one American city..........about as deadly as the entire war torn country of Iraq.

2. When some claim President Bush shouldn't have started this war, state the following FDR led us into World War II. Germany never attacked us, Japan did. From 1941-1945, 450,000 lives were lost, an average of 112,500 per year.

Truman finished that war and started one in Korea, North Korea never attacked us. From 1950-1953, 55,000 lives were lost, an average of 18,334 per year.

John F. Kennedy started the Vietnam "conflict" in 1962. Vietnam never attacked us. Johnson turned Vietnam into a quagmire.
From 1965-1975, 58,000 lives were lost, an average of 5,800 per year.

Clinton went to war in Bosnia without UN or French consent, Bosnia never attacked us. He was offered Osama bin Laden's head on a platter three times by Sudan and did nothing. Osama has attacked us on multiple occasions.


3. In the four years since terrorists attacked us:

President Bush has liberated two countries, crushed the Taliban, crippled al-Qaida, put nuclear inspectors in Libya, Iran and North Korea without firing a shot, and captured a terrorist who slaughtered 300,000 of his own people.

The Democrats are complaining about how long the war is taking, but it took less time to take Iraq than it took Janet Reno to take the Branch Davidian compound. That was a 51-day operation.

We've been looking for evidence of chemical weapons in Iraq for less time than it took Hillary Clinton to find the Rose Law Firm billing records.

It took less time for the 3rd Infantry Division and the Marines to destroy the Medina Republican Guard than it took Ted Kennedy to call the police after his Oldsmobile sank at Chappaquiddick killing a woman.

Wait, there's more.......................

Some people still don't understand why military personnel do what they do for a living. This exchange between Senators John Glenn and Senator Howard Metzenbaum is worth reading. Not only is it a pretty impressive impromptu speech, but it's also a good example of one man's explanation of why men and women in the armed services do what they do for a living. This is a typical, though sad, example of what some who have never served think of our military.

JOHN GLENN ON THE SENATE FLOOR

Date: Mon, 26 Jan 2004 11:13

Senator Howard Metzenbaum to Senator Glenn: "How can you run for Senate when you've never held a real job?"

Senator Glenn: "I served 23 years in the United States Marine Corps. I served through two wars. I flew 149 missions. My plane was hit by anti-aircraft fire on 12 different occasions. I was in the space program.

It wasn't my checkbook, Howard, it was my life on the line. It was not a nine-to-five job, where I took time off to take the daily cash receipts to the bank.

I ask you to go with me ... as I went the other day... to a veteran's hospital and look those men - with their mangled bodies - in the eye, and tell THEM they didn't hold a job!

You go with me to the Space Program at NASA and go, as I have gone, to the widows and orphans of Ed White, Gus Grissom and Roger Chaffee... and you look those kids in the eye and tell them that their Dads didn't hold a job.

You go with me on Memorial Day and you stand in Arlington National Cemetery, where I have more friends buried than I'd like to remember, and you watch those waving flags.

You stand there, and you think about this nation, and you tell ME that those people didn't have a job? I'll tell you, Howard Metzenbaum, you should be on your knees every day of your life thanking God that there were some men - SOME REAL MEN - who held REAL jobs.

And they required a dedication to a purpose - and a love of country and a dedication to duty - that was more important than life itself. And their self-sacrifice is what made this country possible. I HAVE held a job, Howard! What about you?"

NOTE: For those who don't remember - During W.W.II, Howard Metzenbaum was an attorney representing the Communist Party in the USA!

Skeleton Key

This thriller didn't do it for the others in my group, but it scared the bejesus out of me.

One of those that you have to sit down and see again immediately after you finish it so you can catch all the little things that you missed.

Iain Softley directs a perky Kate Hudson in a credibly Caroline Ellis, always fantastic Gena Rowlands plays the fading Violet Devereaux. Ehren Kruger writes some twisted shit.

Best thing is that I saw it in the Liberty Theater, which has to be the best family -owned theater on the planet.

Tougas and Corbridge Exchange on Boat Harbor

I have been asked to pass over my copies of the correspondence between Tom Tougas and City Manager Clark Corbridge by so many people I figured I should just stick it up for everyone to see.

Click on the title of this post to download a pdf of the exchange or go to:
www.dorenelorenz.com/home/homepages/writer/writerpages/segpages/sept05/harbor.pdf

Mary Lowell Center Information

For the latest from the National Park Service on the Mary Lowell Center, along with the Bill Hearn letters regarding the design of this multi-agency building/small conference center down load the pdf by clicking on the title of this post or going to:

http://www.dorenelorenz.com/home/homepages/writer/
writerimages/sewardgateway/sept05/mary_lowell.pdf

Hero

I think this is the most visually stunning movie I have ever seen. Yimou Zhang director's a stellar cast featuring Jet Li as Nameless, our clever storyteller. The tales involve Tony Leung Chiu Wai as Broken Sword, and one of the most exquisitely beautiful women in the world, Maggie Cheung, as his partner in crime Flying Snow. This film was also my introduction to the very talented Ziyi Zhang, who portrayed their servant, Moon.

Required viewing for everyone. Costumes, sets, music, editing, storyline, Brilliant. Simply Brilliant. Not just one of the best films of the year, one of the best films ever.

Doggone Misty done did it Again

My favorite assistance has cracked me up again, and she doesn't even realize it.

I have discovered the "What dog are you?" test, actually looking at how cool the presentation is - notably retro in a good way.

Put in the answers for Misty Jo and the computer spits out that she is a dog I have never heard of, the Bichon Havanese.

This is a Cuban dog, also know as the Havanese Silk Dog because of its long, flowing coat, which gives it somewhat of a mystical look. It is a member of the Bichon family, a group of toy dogs originating in the Mediterranean area. Traditionally given as gifts to wealthy friends and often seen in circuses.

I like the circuses part. That is when I started laughing. Working with Misty is always a circus.

Havanese are natural companion dogs, gentle and responsive. Kinda like Misty. They become very attached to their families and are excellent with children. Misty.

Cheerful and sociable they get along with everyone including people, dogs, cats and other pets. Misty even got along with Casmir's pet shrimp...Spike. The one that ate everything else we put in the tank.

It is very sensitive and harsh words will only upset the animal. Misty. So very Misty. She looks so cute when she is so wound up that she is shaking because someone chose to say the wrong words around her.

Then the picture of the dog came up....dead ringer for people who look like their pets.

If you want to link to the site to see what kind of doggie you are click the title. The set up of the alone is worth taking a look. A good example of how you can make something mundane cool just by sprinkling a little magic fairy dust on it.

Seward Boat Harbor Final Consistency Decision

Are you really ready to view this pdf?

The Department of Natural Resources has released a final consistency decision on the float installations in the small boat harbor.

If you have comments or concerns please leave your thoughts either here on in the forum (button to your left.)

To view the current plan for the small boat harbor click on the title of this post.

No One Ever Takes My Very Sound Advise, Example

Dear Dorene:

My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the very beginning, and when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, every one knows he cheats on me. It is so humiliating.

Also, he's been out of work for the past four years and has not even looked for a new job since. All he does is smoke cigars, and cruise around with his pals, while I have to work to pay the bills.

Since our daughter went away to college, he does not even pretend to like me...and hints that I am a lesbian. What should I do??

Signed, Clueless


Dear Clueless:

Grow up and dump him. For Pete's sake, you don't need him anymore...You're a United States Senator from New York, act like one.

Dorene

Ray Gillespie went to Sunday School

It is true, Faith Chapel 1955. To view a picture of the young lad, as well as other members of this church started by Ruth and Lloyd Dean, click on the title of this post or go to:

http://www.dorenelorenz.com/home/homepages/writer/
writerpages/segpages/sept05/deans_church.html

Under the Tuscan Sun

Like most people, I tend to embrace the familiar, which is why I enjoyed Under the Tuscan Sun immensely. Frances Mayes' novel, which I read after and because I saw the film, offered a wonderful vacation from my life which seems normal compared to what is going on with Frances. Perhaps because they are both crazy.

Audrey Wells did a great job in both directing and adapting the book into a script. Diane Lane plays a woman of my age who is not worn hard from her years, not fat, and not through with her adventures yet. Still learning, still exploring, still running her fingers over the keys of her computer. How refreshing is that?

Forget the beautiful Rauol Bova as the distant Marcello, forget the charming Vincent Riotta playing the caretaking Martini, and forget the hilarious performance of Sandra Oh as the best friend you would ever want in Patti. Not because they are forgettable in those roles, they are simply overshadowed by Lindsay Duncan's portrayal of Katherine.

I have my own Katherine, her name is Rada. And her unique outlook on life brings me a great deal of entertainment and joy.

I knew that I would relate Katherine as Rada from her first line.

Katherine: It's a nice little villa. Are you going to buy it?
Frances: The way my life is currently going, that would be a terrible idea.
Katherine: Terrible idea... Don't you just love those?

There is more fortune cookie wisdom to be found within the warm landscapes of Tuscany.

Katherine: Regrets are a waste of time. They're the past crippling you in the present.

Martini: Signora, between Austria and Italy, there is a section of the Alps called the Semmering. It is an impossibly steep, very high part of the mountains. They built a train track over these Alps to connect Vienna and Venice. They built these tracks even before there was a train in existence that could make the trip. They built it because they knew some day, the train would come.

Rada and I are not sitting on the tracks waiting for the train. We would much rather be watching Mike Doogan reign as King of Mardi Gras at Jens. Great film for those days that are just to wacked to deal with, or when the house building project starts to feel a bit overwhelming.

Just in from my New Orleans Crew

Finally we made it to Texas. It's finally sinking in the magnitude of devastation.

Last night in Baton Rouge(state capitol) St. Bernard Parish/County officials briefed the residents on the status of the parish which is a island totally surrounded by water.

It's been totally destroyed by wind, tidal surge and standing water for about 8 days. Houses in my subdivison were knocked off their foundations and some floated down the streets. They are going to let us go in one time only to try and salvage personnels and take photos for insurance purposes. The insurance companies are trying to screw us already besides the federal government got to our asses first.

FYI the first outside aid to our parish/county was not even American I am proud to say that the Royal Canadian Mounties of Vancouver came to the aid of the people of St. Bernard Parish the next day. The American troops and FEMA came five days later.

All of our parish officals and elected officials have never left their post until some order was restored. In St. Bernard the people were very civil and gracious just to be alive and rescued and taken to shelter.

Right now we are trying to find jobs because our mortgages are due soon. I will let you guys know where we will settle. Thank you for being so concerned. Please pray for the people of Southeast Louisiana, all of Mississippi and Gulf coast Alabama we need prayers and God's strength.

Dani and Alvin Babineaux

Well, as Willie Nelson sang we are on the road again. Our lovely sister in law has asked us to move on down the road so I guess we might go back to Louisiana for a while until we find work. David and Gaynell are fine. They were trapped in the city until September 4th and my mom and I picked them up in jefferson near the airport. He stole a fork lift to get thru the water and walked the rest of the way. He and Gaynell chose free flight to New York. Things are really crazy the government was and still not prepared for anything as horrific. I guess we learn as we go. Pat O'Brien where Alvin worked has been real jack asses they have not called, emailed or posted anything about his work. He has called and left several messages and nothing so I guess we will be relocating for work. They want to open the city and have it up and running in 90 days but that's a joke. Where will all the minimum wage employees who clean the hotels and waiters come from now they all live in shelters around the country. I guess they will flock back in groves for that minimum pay and water logged housing to re open the great city of New Orleans. Keep us in your prayers.

Dani

Historic Seward Tax Ordinances Now Available

I know this addition is going to get a herd stampeding to my website. I have posted in the September Edition of the Seward Gateway two historic tax ordinances that came from my Grandma Mom's estate. They are both for a 2% sales tax.

In the 1949 Ordinance 190-A it suggests there was an unprecedented increase in enrollment in the city school and the city did not have sufficient fund to operate thru the current school year in the General Revenue funds. This Ordinance was passed by more than 55% of the voters in a Special Election held September 8th, then passed and approved by the Common Council on the 23rd of September under suspension of the rules. Eugene N. Lanier was Mayor, Martine Johansen, Clerk.

In the 1956 Ordinance 267 it suggests that the above-referenced Ordinance needed to be repealed and revised. This Ordinance ws passed by the City Council on June 4th. Jerry R. Stockten, Mayor and Margaret Anderson, Clerk.

To view a pdf of these ordinances clink on the title of this post or go to http://www.dorenelorenz.com/home/homepages/writer/
writerpages/segpages/sept05/ordinances/ordinances.html

Jesse Lee Project takes Baby Step

A resolution passed unanimously this evening ensuring support from the Seward City Council in obtaining an educational use for the Jesse Lee Home and instructing the Administration to work in conjunction with the Seward Historic Preservation Commission and the Jesse Lee Home Preservation Committee to that end.

JESSE LEE HOME PRESERVATION
Minutes
August 23, 2005


Representatives of the City of Seward, businesses and organizations interested in pursuing the preservation of the Jesse Lee Home in Seward met August 23, 2005, 9 a.m., at Chugach Alaska Corporation, 561 East 36th Ave. in Anchorage, Alaska.

Attendance: Margie Brown, CIRI; Sheri Buretta, Chugach Alaska Corp.; Doug Gasek, State Historic Preservation Office, DNR; Hilmer Kiser, Seward Christian Center; Aaron Leggett, CIRI; Dorene Lorenz, Seward City Council; Alexandra J. McClanahan, CIRI; Stephanie Miller, Alaska Children'’s Services; Joel Neimeyer, Rasmuson Foundation; Tracy Pelch, Chugach Alaska Corp.; Arliss Sturgulewski; Tom Swann, Seward Historic Preservation Commission; Kirsten Vesel, City of Seward. Participating via teleconference: Katie Shows, Rep. Paul SeatonÂ's office, Juneau; Commissioner Roger Sampson, Alaska Department of Education and Early Learning.

Sending their regrets were Leonard Hyde, JL Properties; Terry Hyer, ECI/Hyer, Inc.; Diane Kaplan, Rasmuson Foundation; Dr. James Simpson, former Jesse Lee Home resident.

Minutes, Agenda: The meeting was called to order by Sheri Buretta at 9:05 a.m. Informal introductions were made by those attending the meeting. The minutes from the first preservation meeting on May 18 were approved. The agenda was approved with the addition of a discussion item of past efforts to preserve the Jesse Lee Home as well as discussion by Tom Swann on the possibility of obtaining grants to hire a staff person to spearhead the effort.

Communication: An email was read from Dr. James Simpson, encouraging participation by the state and private funding sources, as well as the City of Seward.

Discussion: Sturgulewski said the group'’s efforts are a "“last gasp measure"” to save the structure. If action is not taken, it will be lost, she said, adding that she was attending with expectations that the group will take action.

Brown explained that she hosted the first meeting at the request of Simpson, a concerned CIRI shareholder who grew up in the Jesse Lee Home.

Swann described the home as one of the few historical treasures Alaska has. He noted that after the home closed in 1964, it was owned by a succession of private owners, who gradually sold off most of the property surrounding the site. Eventually, the city acquired the home as a result of a foreclosure, he said. When city officials realized that stabilizing, preserving and finding a use for the structure were more than they could handle alone, state funding of $97,000 was obtained to undertake a detailed engineering and feasibility study. Since the study was completed, virtually no action has been taken, and in the meantime, the Seward Historic Commission has been tasked by the Seward City Council with addressing issues surrounding the home.

Joel Neimeyer said he became involved with the group because Diane Kaplan asked him to ascertain whether there might an immediate “band-aid” approach to stabilizing the structure and preventing further deterioration until action can be taken. Neimeyer said he met with Terry Hyer, who undertook the engineering study, and was informed that even the most basic stabilization would cost $500,000. Further reports now indicate that stabilization could actually cost $2 million, Neimeyer said. In other words, Neimeyer explained, there is no band-aid because of the high cost of stabilization. What will be needed in order to attract such a significant investment, he said, is a decision on what the purpose of the building will be.

Swann agreed that a purpose must be found and agreed upon, and if so, the money will flow.

The group discussed various possible scenarios and generally agreed that the best use of the structure might be a training center or statewide high school with a residential component. Swann said that it is important to have the structure used for a statewide purpose because it is more than the city can handle on its own. He reminded the group that the state flag was designed by Bennie Benson while he lived in the Jesse Lee Home.

Sturgulewski agreed with the tenor of the discussion regarding finding a statewide purpose for the home and said that simply saving the building for the sake of historic preservation is not a compelling issue that would generate enough funding.

It was noted that the state currently has three statewide boarding schools, located in Nenana, Galena and Sitka (Mt. Edgecumbe). Only Mt. Edgecumbe receives funding from the state for its residential costs. Sampson said the State Board of Education has been reluctant to support schools based on the traditional boarding school model, but that support might be forthcoming for more innovative approaches. It was noted that a bill has been introduced in the Legislature by Rep. John Coghill, HB16, which would provide funding for the schools in Galena and Nenana and put them on a par with Mt. Edgecumbe.

There followed detailed discussion about what type of facility might be developed in Seward. It was noted that Seward has unique advantages, such as its small population being more conducive to rural students, its accessibility as a result of being on the road system, the Alaska SeaLife Center, the Alaska Vocation Technical Center and Seward'’s history as the site of the Jesse Lee Home.

It was decided that the best use of the Jesse Lee Home may be as a career opportunity facility, possibly focusing on leadership training for Alaska Native students from throughout the state. Brown suggested pursuing the concept of a focus on the sciences.

Buretta said the project can be broken into three main areas: renovation, start-up and operation/maintenance.

Neimeyer said although the official deadline for Rasmuson grants has passed, possibly the foundation board would consider a request for the Jesse Lee Home. Any request for consideration before the end of the year would need to be completed by October 7, he said. He noted that participation by CIRI, Chugach Alaska and others would be important.

Action items: Discussion focused on the need for immediate funding, as well as research on political action. The following action items were agreed upon:

o Arliss Sturgulewski will contact the Rasmuson Foundation to urge consideration for an immediate grant to begin the process of moving forward on the development of a statewide educational facility at the Jesse Lee Home.

o City officials will pursue a resolution by the City of Seward supporting the proposal.

o City officials will develop materials for a grant application.

o Research will be undertaken on HB 16 to determine whether an amendment should be offered to include a facility in Seward.

o Further research will be undertaken by Stephanie Miller on how to create a fund for donations as soon as possible.

o Federal funding and support will be identified, including support from U.S. Sens. Ted Stevens, John McCain and Hillary Clinton, as well as the Denali Commission.

(Minutes prepared by Alexandra J. McClanahan and Aaron Leggett.)

Next Meeting Date and Location: September 29, 1:30 pm, at CIRI boardroom.

Meeting Adjournment: 11:30 a.m.


Contact Information:
Brown, Malcolm – City of Seward, P.O. Box 167, Seward, AK 99664; 907-224-4065; mbrown@cityofseward.net

Brown, Margie CIRI, Box 93330, Anchorage, AK 99509; 907-274-8638; mbrown@ciri.com

Buretta, Sheri Chugach Alaska Corp., 560 East 34th Ave., Anchorage, AK 99503; 907-261-0310; sburetta@chugach-ak.com

Gasek, Doug – State Historic preservation Office; 907-269-8726; doug_gasek@dnr.state.ak.us

Hyde, Leonard JL Properties, Inc., 1007 West 3rd Ave., Anchorage, AK 99501; 907-279-8068; lhyde@jlproperties.com

Hyer, Terry – ECI/Hyer, Inc., 101 West Benson Blvd., Suite 306, Anchorage, AK 99503; 907-561-5543; thyer@ecihyer.com

Kaplan, Diane – The Rasmuson Foundation, 301 West Northern Lights Blvd., Suite 400, Anchorage, AK 99903; 907-297-2700; dkaplan@rasmuson.org

Kiser, Hilmer – Seward Christian Center; 907-244-8600; sewardcc@ak.net

Leggett, Aaron – CIRI, Box 93330, Anchorage, AK 99509; 907-263-5136; aleggett@ciri.com

Lorenz, Dorene – City of Seward, P.O. Box 167, Seward, Alaska 99664; 907-360-8815; DoreneMLorenz@aol.com

McClanahan, Alexandra J. – CIRI, Box 93330, Anchorage, AK 99509; 907-263-5197; ajmcclanahan@ciri.com

Miller, Stephanie – Alaska Children'’s Services, 4600 Abbott Road, Anchorage, AK 99507; 907-348-9206; smiller@akchild.org

Neimeyer, Joel – The Rasmuson Foundation, 301 West Northern Lights Blvd., Suite 400, Anchorage, AK 99903; 907-297-2829; dkaplan@rasmuson.org

Pelch, Tracy – Chugach Alaska Corp.; 907-550-4126; tpelch@chugach-ak.com

Simpson, James L. – 2491 Southslope Way, West Linn, OR 97068; 503-722-9974; jimglo9974@earthlink.net
Simpson, Ronald – P.O. Box 265, Copper Center, AK 99573; 907-822-3003; crnwrail@coppercenterak.net

Sturgulewski, Arliss – 3201 C Street, #405, Anchorage, AK 99503; 907-561-5286; a.sturgulewski@swallingcpas.com

Swann, Tom – Seward Historic Preservation Commission, P.O. Box 905, Seward, AK 99664; 907-224-3080; swannest@seward.net

Vesel, Kirsten – City of Seward, P.O. Box 167, Seward, Alaska 99664; 907-224-4074; kvesel@cityofseward.net

Broken Flowers

Bill Murray portrays one of my best friends, Prince Timothy, brilliantly in this Oscar-worthy performance. Laughed my ass off. I have no ass left whatsoever. Only wish I could watch it with him, because I am confident that Jim Jarmusch is intimately familiary with our boy Timothy. A direct lift. Funny, funny, funny in the most brutally elegant, sophisticated, poetic, intelligent, clever, and wicked way. Truly beautiful work, insightful writing.

Memorable Quotes

Sherry to Don Johnston: "I'm like your mistress, except you're not even married."

Don Johnston: "Winston, couldn't you have rented me some car I would really drive? Porsche, Mercedes... I'm a stalker in a Taurus."

Dona Walker and the New Porsche

A 16 year old boy came home with a new Porsche and his parents questioned him, "Son, where did you get that car?"

He calmly told them, "I bought it today."

"With what money?" demanded his parents. "We know that Porsches cost a lot more money than you have saved."

"Well", said the boy, "this one cost me $15."

His parents began to panic and asked, "Who would sell a car like that for $15?"

"It was the lady up the street and I don't know her name - they just moved in a week or so ago. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for $15."

"Oh my goodness," moaned the mother to the boy's father, "John, you go right up there and see what's going on." So the boy's father walked up the street where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias. He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had just sold her Porsche for $15 and demanded to know what was going on.

"Well, I'll tell you. This morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but learned from a friend that he'd run off to Hawaii with his secretary. The secretary took all his money and left him after they arrived. He called me and claimed he was robbed and stranded and asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So, I did."

Mr & Mrs Smith

I really wanted to like this movie. I like Angelina, I like Brad, I like the concept. Just didn't do it for me. Writing was flat. Editing was flat. Music was flat. Sets and costumes were fine. There was nothing humorous to balance the intended drama and action. Effects were okay, gadgets were great. Give me more Tomb Raider and Ocean's 11 coolness. Dramatic tension. Wasted effort, wasted talent. Disappointing.

How Seward was Founded

How Seward Was Founded
By John E. Ballaine

Originator and Promoter of the Alaska Central Railway
Founder of Seward Alaska

Originally printed in the
Seward Daily Gateway
January 1, 1906

When I decided, in the latter part of 1901, to organize and promote a railroad from the Pacific Coast through Central Alaska to the Yukon valley, my first aim was to establish the ocean terminus on a harbor easy of access and free from obstruction every hour of every day of the year.

My other requirements of the harbor were, if possible, that it should afford good shelter, ample depth of water, terminal facilities for wharves and bunkers, adjacent room face factories and smelters, and outlet for a railroad, and land area to accommodate an ultimate population of not less than 500,000.

I held the view that the ocean terminus was of prime importance for it would serve all future generations and in time become one of the world's important centers of commercial and industrial activity.

From every source of available information I examined in turn Tyoonok, Seldovia, Knik, Port Well, Valdez, Illiamna, Cordova Bay, Port Nelle Juan, Controller Bay, and Resurrection Bay. Odd as it may now seem, Resurrection Bay was the last that came to my notice, for it was then perhaps the least known harbor on the entire southern coast of Alaska.

By the process of elimination, the choice soon narrowed to Resurrection bay, Valdez, Cordova Bay and Seldovia. All of these but Resurrection Bay presented two or more fatal objections.

They either lacked in sufficient depth of water, had restricted land area, or offered no practical outlet for a railroad. Some of them occasionally froze over in winter. At Resurrection Bay alone I found every requirement to my complete satisfaction.

My attention was first attracted to Resurrection bay by the report of Captain Glenn, of the United States Army, who started from it in 1898 with a government exploration party to cooperate with similar parties starting for other points on the southern coast of Alaska to find an "All American route to the Klondike," for a trail, wagon road, or railroad.

The report was furnished to me by the Geological survey at Washington D.C. Captain Glenn made the brief statement in his report that Resurrection Bay was one of the best harbors in Alaska and that it connected with a route of easy grades and moderate cost for a wagon road or a railroad, either by way of the Matanuska river to the Klondike, or up the Susitna valley to the Tanana and the Yukon.

I believe, and time has justified the belief, that the true route for a railroad to the Yukon valley was not, as popular sentiment then favored, northeasterly to tap the Klondike, a mining camp on foreign soil and limited in productive capacity but due northerly through the rich Susitna and Tanana valleys in the heart of Alaska, striking the navigable rivers of the interior at a point central to the widest extent of American Territory.

After the organization of the Alaska Central Railway had been perfected, in March, 1902, and I had selected Resurrection bay as its tentative terminal, I sent an engineering party under R.E. Field to make a detailed survey of the harbor, and other engineering parties to make preliminary surveys for a railroad from Resurrection Bay.

In the meantime I had the lines run to locate a homestead where Seward now stands, preparatory to obtaining patent from the government should investigations result satisfactorily.

Mrs. Mary Lowell and her family were then the only residents. They had lived for eighteen years in the cabin that is still their home.

The reports of the engineers more than confirmed all the favorable information I had previously obtained about Resurrection Bay and the practicability of a route from its head to the interior rivers.

My investigations had convinced me that the resources tributary to the route were diversified and abundant, including gold, copper, high grade coal, and the best timber and agricultural lands in Alaska. I therefore, in November 1902, definitely selected Resurrection Bay as the ocean terminus of the Alaska Central Railway.

The name of the future city was not finally chosen by me until the spring of 1903. By that time I had made encouraging headway in my efforts to raise money for the building of the Railroad, and it was important to have the starting point named even thought it then existed only in a virgin forest.

The first Chief Engineer of the Railway Company, C.M. Anderson, had designated the place Vituska on all the blueprints he had prepared. He explained it to be a combination of Vitus, Captain Behring's given name, with the last syllable of Alaska. But the only names that occurred to me for serious consideration were Seward, McKinley, and Roosevelt.

I finally concluded that the city destined to be the metropolis of the great territory could fittingly bear no other name than that of the man of his day who foresaw the ultimate primacy of the Pacific ocean in the world's commerce.

Accordingly, in March, 1903, I bestowed upon the new town to be the name of Seward, in honor of William H. Seward, President Lincoln's Secretary of State. I advised Frederick W. Seward, now a resident of New York. That I had chosen the name of this father as the most worthy for the future metropolis of Alaska. He replied under date of April 6, 1903, saying in part:

"I need hardly say that the selection of the name seems to me an appropriate one, and that it will be gratifying to those who knew him in life, as well as to the still greater number who hold his name in esteem and loving remembrance. Time has now shown that his predication sin regard to the future of Alaska were not at all exaggerated. Your enterprise is well conceived and the proposed route seems judiciously chosen. It is well adapted to the growing needs of the region through which it is to pass. I heartily hope that your anticipations of its success may be realized."

It was on that date in 1903 that the steamship Santa Anna arrived with the first cargo of construction material and a force of about thirty men to commence the preliminary construction of the Alaska Central Railway, such as building the wharf, setting the saw mill to work and clearing right of way, in preparation for permanent construction the following spring.

On the Santa Anna also were a score of men who promptly established themselves in business. The construction force and these few business men, less than 100 in all, made up the bulk of Seward's population until March 1904, when the construction of the railroad was undertaken in earnest, and the growth of the town assured form and activity.

Returning from Seward to Seattle, Washington in September 1903, after attending the commencement of construction work, I carried a petition from almost every mayoung the yong town, aspost officeostoffice department to establish a postoffice there and appoint Lillie N. Gordon postmistress.

I took the petition to Washington D.C., in November , 1903. There I learned that Mr. Wayland, the postal inspector for the district embracing Alaska, had filed a protest against the bestowal of the name Seward on the embryo city of Resurrection Bay, alleging that there were already several Sewards in the territory.

I went personally to President Teddy Roosevelt and explained to him the basis of my desire to have the new place named Seward, pointed out to him that the other post offices of that name were canneries or temporary camps which could easily be changed to another name.

He heartily agreed with my view of the case, and asked me to address a letter to him directly, embodying the reasons I had given him verbally, and bring it to him nest day at 10:00 o'clock. I did so. After he had read it he said to me, as nearly as I can remember.

"You are quite right. This railroad should give rise to an important city at the ocean terminus. That city deserves to be named in honor of the man responsible for making Alaska American territory."

He thereupon wrote on a margin of the latter a note addressed to the fourth assistant postmaster general, Mr. Bristow, saying that he agreed with my views and would be glad to have Mr. Bristow give the subject of my letter his prompt attention. The marginal note was signed "T.R."

I immediately went with the letter and the President's endorsement to the fourth assistance postmaster general, in company with Mr. Boynton, superintendent of the Associated Press at the National Capital.

Within ten minutes of the time I entered his office General Bristow had issued an order establishing the new post office of Seward on Resurrection bay, and another order appointing Lillie N. Gordon its first Postmistress.

To some it may appear an extravagance to say that people now living will see at Seward one of the half dozen largest cities on the Pacific Coast. The same people in 1880 would have pronounced it impossible for Seattle to attain a population exceeding 10,000 or 12,000 by 1905, as a great many at that time did.

I remember the time very well, for as a child I cam to Washington with my parents in 1879. Seattle was then a ragged settlement on the fringe of impenetrable forests. It had no electric lighting plant, no water works, no daily newspaper, as Seward has today. Seattle in 1880 was father from the center of population, several times over, measured in time of travel, than Seward is in 1905.

As a matter of fact, such a statement concerning Seward's future is but a statement of mathematical truth to those who consider the rapid increase of population in the United States, and its constant trend northwestward, coupled with the fact diminishing areas yet to be populated; who must be made with increasing force on Alaska's stores of gold, copper, coal, iron and tin; who realize that Seward is the ocean gateway to a system of railroads now building that will cover every productive part of the territory.

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