Woosey Little Fraidy Cats

One of my favorite columnists is Tracy Lorenz of the Muskegon Chronicle. The reasons should be obvious.

Well, Lorenz-at-Large got himself censored by his woosey little fraidy cat editor - which made me laugh because I know EXACTLY how annoying that can be. See picture on left.

So I am running his piece here. You can find more of just as amusing quality at his new blog lorenzatlarge.blogspot.com. Check it out, worth the effort. Click the title of this post for a direct link. Following is the piece deemed to controversial to print.

KATRINA AND THE HATE MAILERS

So, read any good letters to the editor lately?

Am I the only guy in this country who doesn't think anyone owes him anything? Society (whoever they are) sure doesn't owe me, my parents don't, my bosses don't, and my Government doesn't. I expect things from my Government (decent roads, protection) but I paid for all that stuff via taxes, it's not like I think I'm entitled to it just because I was born.

Which brings me to Hurricane Katrina; I write a little snippet saying I think it's not too fiscally responsible to reward people for trying to outsmart God and suddenly I'm Tracy the Hun. Hey, I feel sorry for the people I'm just tired of picking up the tab. Put it this way; if the Government tells me it's illegal to drive drunk and on top of that I know it's dangerous to drive drunk and then I go out and drive drunk and I smash my car why should I expect the Government to pay for it? I wouldn't, if I screwed up then I should write the check.

We have somehow developed into a society where it seems half our population's full time job is trying to figure out ways to get money from the other half. No one's ever at fault, and we're all entitled to whatever we can get. Well, I think that's a bunch of crap.

I can't tell you how many letters I received stating that I was an Ogre for not being compassionate towards the old, weak and feeble stuck in New Orleans. The thing is when I watched TV all I saw standing outside the Superdome were healthy people. Maybe if the healthy people had gotten out of the way when they were supposed to the Governmental could have rescued the old and feeble instead of dodging bullets. (I admit that I just assumed the people I saw were young and healthy because I think you have to be in decent shape to run through waist deep water carrying an armful of clothes that still have tags on them.)

And it's not just the Gulf States; I don't see why we have to pay for forest fire victims either. Those pine trees growing on the beautiful hills of California have pine cones that don't germinate unless they're exposed to temperatures exceeding 500 degrees, hmmm; I wonder what natural occurrence could generate that kind of heat? Perhaps, FIRE! Anyone who builds their house in the middle of a bunch of trees that HAVE TO BURN to survive better have their premiums paid because I'm not footin' the bill.

But let's get back to the Hurricane. First off the people in the Superdome weren't poor. If you want to see "poor" head down to Belize for a while. I was talking to a bartender (naturally) and I asked him what part of the Island he lived on. He pointed to a piece of plywood with a pillow on it spanning a couple roof joists. Now that's poor, and this guy had a job.

I've said it before and I'll say it again; if you have a microwave you aren't poor, If you have cable TV you aren't poor, and if you weigh over 300 pounds you aren't poor. I bet if someone said "Your Government checks are 30 miles inland and you have to show up in person to get it" those poor people would find a way to pick up the check.

So here's my solution to the mess; I read where there's 400,000 people unemployed down there, why doesn't the Government hire those 400,000 to clean the place! That way they have a job, they're off welfare, and they're getting paid to clean up where they live anyway. And if they don't show up for work then they don't get paid. It's a win - win for the taxpayer.

Now let's return to the letter writers; I'd like to thank everyone who sent a letter to the editor for including their name and address, now I know who to call the next time we have a blizzard and my driveway needs shoveling. And those were just the letters that were printed; you should read the one's that were sent to my house. One lady said everyone in New Orleans DESERVED $100,000 so they could start their life over (I think she better lay off the Nyquil) and an attorney, AN ATTORNEY, sent me a letter saying I was heartless. He failed to mention to whom he billed the letter.

One of the letters printed in his paper compared me to Hitler, Mussolini, and Stalin. I remember those guys, weren't they the ones who tried to build their Governments by suppressing…free speech?