Q: My girlfriend is driving me crazy and I want to break up with her.
We are both in our early 20s. I am her first serious boyfriend. We have been dating for just under a year, and the closer we get to that milestone the more needy and clingy she becomes.
I like her a lot, but I am not in love with her, and I want the relationship to be over. Problem is, her Dad just died unexpectedly. They were really close. She is devastated, and I don’t want the bad karma.
What can be done?
A: You need to break up with her. She is in crisis, she needs support, and you can’t give it to her. Someone else may be willing and able to meet her needs, but they can’t, because you are in the way.
Get out of the way.
You are right about the karma, you have to be clean about the breakup and be really careful not to hurt her feelings. If you are a stand-up guy, just be straight with her and tell her you are no longer interested in pursuing a romantic relationship, but are there for her as a friend. Mean it, and do it.
I am a firm believer that if unpleasant things are going to happen, best to get them all over with in one big lump instead of dragging it out. As Chekov suggested, any idiot can survive a crisis, it is relentless day-to-day drama that grinds you down.
If, on the other hand, you are a yellow-bellied woosie little 'friady cat, the best way to do this is let her break up with you.
My guess is that she has noticed your lack of emotional attachment, but since you have been dating so long, she isn’t looking at you as a disposable boyfriend. She is looking at you as someone she has invested in because he is a potential husband. This occurs frequently in women in this age group.
Stop being the man she thinks she wants to marry. She is going to want to replace her Dad, so any traits you have in common – lose them. You both like to fish, give up fishing. He was a guy who was always on time, be twenty minutes late to everything.
Stop being a man period. Be more emotionally needy and clingy than she is when you are together, it will exhaust her. It is difficult to do, but suck it up. Just be careful to not ever display jealously, inexperienced individuals often confuse jealously with someone really caring about them deeply.
This is important, stop pursing her. Return all of her calls within 48 hours, but do not initiate any contact and keep it short. Stop calling her. Stop calling her. Stop calling her. No e-mailing, no texting, no cards, no letters, no notes. Do not seek out her presence. This is vital.
Demonstrate that you have nothing in common. Let her initiate all the dates, and make them all frustrating and boring for her. For example, make her pick the movie and when she does, suggest it is a movie you have no interest in and refuse to see it – but don’t offer any alternatives.
The more boring, non-committal, and emotionally/physically unavailable you are, the sooner she is going to dump you. Obviously, don’t discuss any future with the two of you in it, make any plans together, and stop calling her honey, baby, sweetheart or any other sugarcoated words of affection.
We are both in our early 20s. I am her first serious boyfriend. We have been dating for just under a year, and the closer we get to that milestone the more needy and clingy she becomes.
I like her a lot, but I am not in love with her, and I want the relationship to be over. Problem is, her Dad just died unexpectedly. They were really close. She is devastated, and I don’t want the bad karma.
What can be done?
A: You need to break up with her. She is in crisis, she needs support, and you can’t give it to her. Someone else may be willing and able to meet her needs, but they can’t, because you are in the way.
Get out of the way.
You are right about the karma, you have to be clean about the breakup and be really careful not to hurt her feelings. If you are a stand-up guy, just be straight with her and tell her you are no longer interested in pursuing a romantic relationship, but are there for her as a friend. Mean it, and do it.
I am a firm believer that if unpleasant things are going to happen, best to get them all over with in one big lump instead of dragging it out. As Chekov suggested, any idiot can survive a crisis, it is relentless day-to-day drama that grinds you down.
If, on the other hand, you are a yellow-bellied woosie little 'friady cat, the best way to do this is let her break up with you.
My guess is that she has noticed your lack of emotional attachment, but since you have been dating so long, she isn’t looking at you as a disposable boyfriend. She is looking at you as someone she has invested in because he is a potential husband. This occurs frequently in women in this age group.
Stop being the man she thinks she wants to marry. She is going to want to replace her Dad, so any traits you have in common – lose them. You both like to fish, give up fishing. He was a guy who was always on time, be twenty minutes late to everything.
Stop being a man period. Be more emotionally needy and clingy than she is when you are together, it will exhaust her. It is difficult to do, but suck it up. Just be careful to not ever display jealously, inexperienced individuals often confuse jealously with someone really caring about them deeply.
This is important, stop pursing her. Return all of her calls within 48 hours, but do not initiate any contact and keep it short. Stop calling her. Stop calling her. Stop calling her. No e-mailing, no texting, no cards, no letters, no notes. Do not seek out her presence. This is vital.
Demonstrate that you have nothing in common. Let her initiate all the dates, and make them all frustrating and boring for her. For example, make her pick the movie and when she does, suggest it is a movie you have no interest in and refuse to see it – but don’t offer any alternatives.
The more boring, non-committal, and emotionally/physically unavailable you are, the sooner she is going to dump you. Obviously, don’t discuss any future with the two of you in it, make any plans together, and stop calling her honey, baby, sweetheart or any other sugarcoated words of affection.
When she finally gives you the boot, wait at least a month before you are seen in public with another girl, or until a week after she finds a new man's shoulder to lean on, which ever comes first. You are not allowed to date any of her friends for the next year and a half, she needs them more than you do.
No comments:
Post a Comment