Q and A

Someone who actually follows my blog (I was really shocked that such people exist, God bless you) asked why recently I have just been running jokes instead of writing about my comings and goings.

The answer is: I have really been in a blue funk lately and rather needing all these jokes. I miss my Grandma Mom terribly. Find myself crying at some point every day. Asked a friend when that would end, she told me never. Very reassuring.

I am not one of those lucky few who has little experience with death. I go to a wedding every decade or so, but several funerals a year. I've lost family before, far too many, and far too many recently. People I have known and loved the whole of my lifetime.

But loosing her was very different. Part of living in Alaska is that people wander in and out of your life, you may out hear from them for years. Then they appear again, and it is like they never left.

I think my coping mechanism is to pretend that dead people are gone on a trip. They have just left for a while, and will be back soon. Pleasant thought in the meanwhiles.

With Grandma Mom I held her hand, watched her take her last breathes, saw the life ebb from her face until she was almost unrecognizable. It was too real, it haunts me, and I am unable to put it away and believe that she is just traveling somewhere.

So I am not feeling much like writing right now, it is too raw and I need to heal a bit. But thanks for asking.