This is not an innocent picture. It is completely staged. It was a field example of why Sara Nan would starve being paparazzi.
It began simple enough. Senators McCain and Clinton came to Seward to peek at our glaciers.
They seem to have an issue with global warming. Brings to mind a time when Greenpeace placed a large "Global Warming is Coming" banner across the street from BP in Anchorage a few years ago.
General response from Alaskans: GLOBAL WARMING - BRING IT ON!! BE ENVIRO FRIENDLY - RECYCLE DINOSAURS!
Was eating dinner at Rays Waterfront with my aunts and uncle when my mother's neighbor, a beautiful, intelligent clever gal who poses as a real estate agent in the winter - but waits tables in the summer for entertainment purposes - stopped by to tip me off as to the patrons in the corner table. Hillary, in a cobalt blue top, and John who was wearing a brown leather jacket, and their herd of staff and hangers-on.
My aunt and uncle from mid-America started geeking out a little bit that they were eating in the same restaurant as senators. My village aunt, who has been mayor three or four times, was less impressed but didn't fail to acknowledge that she only takes us to the best places. (When they asked I let them know that our waitress had a French accent because she actually was from France, and was just slumming here for the summer.)
It was my intention to hook up with Maestro George Hanson's brother and sister-in-law, who had been visiting Seward for a week already and were staying only a couple blocks away. I have had so much family in town/events going on that my social calendar is crazy. I stopped by Sara Nan's just to drop off an address list of Congressman Don Young's Alaska Sealife Invitational participants so she could mail out their photos. Sara is only a few houses away from the Maestro's brother.
Captain Mike was there, broken-hearted because his beloved internet girlfriend had unceremoniously dumped him. "Too busy for a relationship." I told him that translated to "old boyfriend just re-appeared in my life and you live 125 miles away." He looked very depressed and advised Sara had told him the same thing. He announced that he was going to send a dozen red roses to her office and propose - just to get back at her. Poor boy, he REALLY was having a great time with this girl. Best relationship he ever had with a girl, ever. Maybe she will get even with him and say "yes."
Back to the beach story. I mention to Captain Mike, in passing, about the senators at Rays. Sara immediately changes from her Tweedy Bird jammies into street clothes and has me speed away to Rays so she can get a money shot for our little new monthly on-line newspaper.
http://www.dorenelorenz.com/home/homepages/writer/writerpages/segpages/seward_gateway.html
I know, it is a difficult address - Sara is in charge of getting us a real one so that we don't have to link off of my website.
On the way to Rays I mention that on my way out of the restaurant I noticed Shauna Ramerez, who I didn't care to speak to. Another story for another day, it isn't pretty. I explained details to Sara, Sara agreed it was the best choice and she would be happy to provide screening service if she could manage to withhold her tongue. Sara also offered to kick her ass.
We park, I see Shauna on walking towards us in a group, decide to put my keys in Sara's backpack so I could avoid eye contact. Shauna walks into Sara, who stops, and Shauna offers me condolences for my Grandmother's death - which was really kind of her. I thanked her and saw that as we were investing these moments in Shauna our prey was walking out the door of Rays and away they went. Note to self: SARA SUCKS AT SCREENING.
Sara searched the restaurant desperately. They were all gone, missed them by moments. Drove up and down the street, nothing. Ice cream, I suggested. They are getting ice cream and there is only two places in town to get it. Sara didn't believe me. She rang up Louie-who-knows-everything-and-everyone, she literally caught him sleeping on this one. Called Cork, no private planes or helicopters had landed at the airport today. To late to drive to Anchorage - that meant they were somewhere in town.
We parked at Brown & Hawkins, just down from the Channel 2 News van. Sara noticed them cruising around town yesterday, but thought they might just be covering the Salmon Derby. Not in Sweet Darlings getting the best ice cream in town. New Seward Saloon, I suggested. Not there. Wait, wait, wait. Conspicuously dressed guys with vans at the Edgewater.
I talked Sara into going inside, but could not talk her into paying money for a bad expresso. "They aren't coming," she sulked. "My heart's not into it anymore. You have ruined my life. I am never meeting John McCain and I adore him. He is an American Hero and America is vey short on heros."
Now she was grumpy because she wanted McCain to sign her book, and she had just given it to her son so it was no longer at her house. Pouting, Sara walked across the parking lot back towards our vehicle. I spun around. There was the group we were looking for making their way to the beach. If only we had gotten that expresso we would have been perfectly poised for the shot she wanted. NOTE: SARA SUCKS AT STALKING.
We drove past the running secret service guys into the parking lot by our targets, Sara jumped out and made nice with McCain. She never got the candid shot for our little paper. By the time I parked the rig (I really suck at parking) they were best friends and a Pulitzer prize winning photog (or so they billed him) was set to take the shot above. I slid in at the last minute. NOTE: SARA SUCKS AT BEING PAPARAZZI.
After making it very clear that the Arizona Wildcats were the most important thing that Arizona's senator and I could bond on (he actually did UofA-Wildcats! cheers with me as we walked down the street - which scored some bonus points), we left them to make their way to Fourth Avenue and the best ice cream in town.
In the car Sara was giddy, "I don't know what was cooler - that I got to finally meet John McCain, who is my hero, or that we completely snubbed Hillary Clinton. I am going to have to call my mom, she is going to love this. I never read her book so I don't need her signature."
Addendum: After speaking to Iris Darling, proprietor of Sweet Darlings and Brown & Hawkins we got some new intel. Apparently McCain approved highly of the coal stained wood floors at the Merchantile, and Clinton declared Brown & Hawkins the "most beautiful building she has ever been in." Should have had Clinton hire my decorating talent for the West Wing.
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