Q: My husband and I are in our late 30s, and were high school sweethearts. He is the second guy that I have kissed, and the only guy that I have been with. We have had our ups and downs over the years, but I really love him and want to stay with him.
That said, I feel like I am missing out on something. I listen to all my single girlfriends talk about their dates, and feel that I am missing all the excitement. Would it be bad to have an affair if no one knew about it?
A: You are missing something by being with the first boy you were ever with. You are missing a lot of pain from being rejected, a lot of disappointment from not being appreciated, and a lot of frustration from not being able to discover someone you are compatible with.
They say the grass always looks greener on the other side, and there is a lot of truth to that. You need to take a close look at your own yard. You have an oak of a husband, giving you support and strength. You have a landscape filled with the flowers of the life experiences you have shared together. You don’t have lawn, you have roses. Stop and smell them.
If you are bored, that is your fault, not his. You have become complacent in your personal growth. You are responsible for evolving as a person. You are responsible for your own happiness. You paint the picture of your life, you frame it through your eyes, he is the gallery wall it hangs on. So stop blaming your husband for your boredom.
If there is something that interests you, investigate it. Not a bronzed, buff beefcake on the beach – I am talking about reading provocative books, seeing intriguing movies, looking at art that moves you, taking in an inspiring play or symphony, going for a hike. Pursue your interests; don’t be afraid to try something new.
If your husband wants to go with you, so much the better. If he doesn’t, it will give you something new to offer for dinner table discussion. Life becomes a snoozefest really fast when we all think the same and do the same things. Share a new perspective, and both of your lives will be enriched.
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