Better Late Than Never

My appologies to Allison, who came Bback with a Meme on December 19th that I am FINALLY responding to.

Seven things to do before I die - in no particular order:

1. Turn my yard into the garden of Eden
2. Tour the world
3. Get out of debt
4. Kiss my great-grand children on the forehead before they fall asleep
5. Learn to play the piano, well
6. Fall maddly, deeply in love with someone who feels the same way about me
7. Learn to sing, well
8. Have to add, have a horse and go riding with Allison

Seven things I can (or will) not do:

1. Eat anything in which I can taste mayonnaise (with the exeption of tuna fish)
2. Declare myself loyal to one political party or another
3. Be very coordinated (I’m clumsy)
4. Sing well
5. Dance well (see #3)
6. Go to a nudist retreat
7. Grow up (I like this one from Corndog, I’m going with it)
I am stealing most of these from Allison, because she rocks.

Seven things that attract me to my future spouse*:

1. His faith
2. His carpendary skills
3. His willingness to walk on water for me
4. Good provider
5. Great fisherman
6. Great with kids
7. Perfect in-laws

*Jesus Christ, I know he loves me, is coming back for me, he is PERFECT!

Seven things I say most often:

1. What?
2. Wait?
3. I don't care what the question is, if you are waking me up, the answer is "no"
4. Really?
5. And this is important to me because....?
6. How can I fix this for you?
7. Dorene Lorenz.
8. I love you.

Seven books (or series) I love:

1. Third Nephi, Nephi
2. Queen Margot, Dumas
3. Any children's book by Laura Child
4. The Fountainhead, Ayn Rand
5. To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee
6. My Life, Dr. Lorenz
7. Anything by Oscar Wilde

Seven movies I watch over and over again:

1. Gone with the Wind
2. Godfather, all of them
3. Pulp Fiction
4. Family Stone
5. All the clay animation classics at Christmas
6. Walk in the Clouds
7. Any with Cary Grant

Seven people I’m curious about that I’d like to join in:

1. Memphis Saltos
2. up all night jane
3. Suzanne
4. Mom is Nutz
5. Amanita.net
6. Bell of the Brawl
7. Bitch Goddess Rachael Doyle

Darlene gets ready for Summer

This is not a joke. You can get a free BBQ grill from any of the following stores:

A&P

Acme
Albertsons
Costco
Food Lion
Fry's

Giant
Kroger
Meijer

Pathmark
Publix
Safeway

Superfresh
Target
Winn-Dixie

I especially like the higher shelf which can be used for keeping things warm!

Recommended by the REDNECKS OF AMERICA ASSOCIATION (RAA)

Land deal opens SeaLife Center, Seward rift

LOBBYIST: Unused visitor center funds used to purchase ex-Stevens aide's property.

By TOM KIZZIA
Anchorage Daily News

Published: April 23, 2006
Last Modified: April 23, 2006 at 03:28 AM

SEWARD -- When Sen. Ted Stevens diverted federal land-purchase funds to the Alaska SeaLife Center last summer, one of the biggest beneficiaries turned out to be his former legislative aide, Trevor McCabe.


McCabe, a Seward native who is now a high-profile fish lobbyist, was looking for a buyer for the Arcade Building, a derelict waterfront structure in downtown Seward that had recently held a pawn shop. McCabe had purchased the Arcade in 2003, at a time when the National Park Service had begun looking for downtown land to build a new $20 million visitor center.

The federal government eventually bought several other parcels nearby, including a second one owned by McCabe. But the government balked at McCabe's asking price for the Arcade Building, a brick-red single-story building riddled with lead and asbestos. By July 2005, negotiations had reached a dead end.

But in August, Stevens used his power over congressional appropriations to transfer all leftover money in the visitor center's land-purchase fund to the Alaska SeaLife Center, a research and tourism facility located on Seward's waterfront. The move surprised the city of Seward, which had been slated to receive the $1.6 million in leftover funds for its own projects.

The SeaLife Center then agreed to spend $558,000 of the federal windfall to buy the Arcade lot from McCabe and his partner, Dale Lindsey, a prominent Seward oil-sales businessman.

Sen. Stevens' office and the SeaLife Center both say the money was diverted and spent to help the marine facility and to revitalize downtown Seward, not to bail out McCabe.

But the transaction has opened a rift between the SeaLife Center and city administrators.

City Manager Clark Corbridge wrote the SeaLife Center in March, asserting city approval of such purchases is necessary "to avoid future problems and possible allegations of impropriety." He never said publicly what he meant by "impropriety" and refused to be interviewed.

SeaLife Center officials protested vigorously, with several City Council members talking of firing Corbridge. Center officials insisted their private nonprofit operator, the Seward Association for the Advancement of Marine Science, did not have to follow a public process to buy the Arcade Building from McCabe.

The dispute continues to roil Seward, with the debate now focused on how much independence the marine facility has under its lease and operating agreement with the city. In packed city meetings and local letters to the editor, critics are challenging a second private deal between the SeaLife Center and the former Stevens aide, in which McCabe is developing a day-boat tour and dock under an exclusive no-bid contract.

The commotion has reached the point where Seward vice-mayor Willard Dunham, who is also on the SeaLife Center board, told the local paper last week he fears unfounded rumors about the center's purchase of the Arcade Building could "sour the pond" and jeopardize future federal funding for Seward projects.


A STEVENS FAVORITE

The Alaska SeaLife Center has long been a favorite of Stevens, who has steered more than $50 million in federal funds to the nonprofit facility since it opened in 1998.

McCabe, who worked eight years for Stevens in Washington, D.C., also has close ties to the marine facility. He is a past board member and helped provide financial backing when he was head of the At-Sea Processors' Association, a fishing group.

SeaLife Center officials say they were never instructed by Stevens to use the money to buy McCabe's property. They say they jumped at buying the Arcade because they desperately need new office space and his lot was ideally situated, kitty-corner from their waterfront aquarium.

Center officials say they plan to use some of the remaining Stevens money to draw up a master plan for waterfront projects. If that plan agrees, they hope to obtain funds in the future to build offices on the Arcade lot. The appropriation says the marine center can spend the money on projects that "complement the new Federal facility." They say a new office building will qualify.

"In a perfect world, we would have preferred to do a master plan first," said SeaLife Center finance director Carl Stevens. But he said it was important to move swiftly to grab the Arcade lot, which is the only property on what is seen as a major future migration corridor for tourists, between the SeaLife Center and the new Kenai Fjords National Park visitor center.

A spokeswoman for Stevens said the funds were transferred away from the city to help the SeaLife Center.

"We knew the SeaLife Center was going to engage in waterfront development projects, and we have a long history with them," said Stevens spokeswoman Courtney Boone.

"It's my understanding that that (funds transfer) was not at Trevor McCabe's request or on behalf of Trevor McCabe."

McCabe, who worked in the senator's office from 1991 to 1999, declined to be interviewed about the transaction. He and Lindsey, who form the Centennial Group with a third partner, released a general statement about their longtime support for the federal visitor center construction and downtown revitalization.

In response to e-mailed questions, they said they were paid "low" prices for the two buildings, which Lindsey said have a great location and view of Resurrection Bay. "These are the best commercial properties in downtown Seward," he said.


LONG HISTORY

Stevens has a long and well-known interest in promoting economic development in Seward, a scrappy railway terminal town that was hurt badly by the 1964 earthquake and related tsunami.

His support for the $56 million Alaska SeaLife Center is an example. Federal money, much of it for research into Steller sea lions and other marine mammals, has helped the SeaLife Center survive and even thrive after its original plan for supporting itself through visitor admissions proved illusory.

This year's $16 million operating budget includes $9 million in federal funds, said center finance director Stevens. That doesn't include the $1.6 million that showed up unexpectedly last August.

The SeaLife Center now draws more than 140,000 visitors a year in Seward, including many cruise ship passengers. But the downtown blocks uphill from the four-story facility have not exactly prospered. Tourist shops, bars and unused buildings are scattered throughout, with empty car-park lots like missing teeth among the storefronts.

The new national park visitor center is the latest federal plan for helping downtown Seward.

Since its creation by Congress in 1980, Kenai Fjords National Park has served the public out of offices near Seward's small boat harbor. An effort has been under way for a decade to build the park a new visitor center. The U.S. Forest Service, which manages the surrounding Chugach National Forest, would also have offices in the new multi-agency building. And the city of Seward joined in with a conference room big enough to hold small conventions.

The building is to be named the Mary Lowell Center, after the Native-Russian woman who sold her American husband's homestead in 1903 to the founders of Seward.

Finding a location for the new federal facility proved challenging. The first site chosen had to be dropped because of earthquake hazards. The second, for a building owned by the University of Alaska, fell apart in 2002 after the university withdrew support. The city then formed a waterfront commission to look for a new site, hiring a consultant with federal funds.

In November 2002, two months before the first public meeting called by the waterfront consultant, McCabe took out an option to buy two old buildings opposite the bay, Old Solly's and the Arcade.


BASKETBALL STAR

McCabe, 36, grew up in Seward, where he was a high school basketball star and Mount Marathon runner. His ties to Stevens are strong. As the senator's fisheries aide, McCabe was the chief political broker for the 1998 American Fisheries Act, which privatized valuable stocks of pollock in the Bering Sea. He left the next year to become executive director of the At-Sea Processors Association, the factory trawler cooperative made possible by the act. A Harvard graduate and lawyer, McCabe remains an influential player in the big-stakes fish politics. Until last September his consulting business partner was Stevens' son, state Sen. Ben Stevens.

In the written statement provided in lieu of an interview, Lindsey said McCabe tied up the two properties in 2002 with plans to buy and renovate them. He had just finished remodeling another office building in town, a project widely praised.

Lindsey said McCabe began the purchase of the two properties "before the site selection process," when the Park Service still planned to build on university land. However, an Oct. 10 story in the Seward Phoenix Log, three weeks before McCabe signed the option, reported that the university had been "getting cold feet" on the joint project since August and was reconsidering its participation.

By April 2003, in any event, consultants were looking at building the new multi-agency facility downtown. McCabe exercised his option on the two downtown Seward buildings that month, buying them through the Centennial Group.

His partner was Seward businessman Lindsey, who had built up a local fuel distributorship into Petro Marine and Harbor Enterprises, the largest independent petroleum distributor in Alaska. Lindsey has wielded considerable influence over the years on behalf of Seward projects, including the SeaLife Center, and has been an active contributor to political candidates, including Stevens. The third partner in the group is Steve Zelener.

In his written statement, Lindsey said he and McCabe teamed up to offer to build the new visitor center and lease it to the National Park Service. They even drew up plans for such a building, arguing it would expedite the project. The government turned them down and the site selection process continued.

Negotiations went on for nearly two years. The government eventually purchased four properties on either side of Fifth Avenue, including Old Solly's from the Centennial Group.

Lindsey and McCabe say Old Solly's was a good deal for the government at $455,000, going for less than their appraised value. But Chuck Gilbert, the National Park Service acquisitions chief in Alaska, said it was 30 percent above the market value set by the government's appraiser.

Meanwhile, negotiations for the Arcade Building faltered. McCabe did not say what he paid for the building, but an initial government appraisal of $174,000 drew objections from the Centennial Group, according to Gilbert. After inspectors found the 1943 building full of asbestos, a second appraisal dropped the value to $94,000. The government was figuring it would have to add the cost of dismantling the hazardous building after the purchase.

Centennial withdrew its offer to sell the Arcade last July. The Park Service said that was fine -- the new visitor center would work fine without the Arcade property.

That was when the SeaLife Center entered the picture.


UNUSUAL NUDGE

Money left over from the $3.9 million earmarked by Congress to buy land in Seward for the Mary Lowell Center was originally to have gone to the city, which planned to build waterfront pavilions and walkways. But Stevens added an unusual nudge to the project in the December 2004 appropriations bill. The city would get the funds only after it had abandoned a block of downtown Washington Street, cutting between Legends and Old Solly's, so that the new building could be built across the road.

The process of "vacating" a public right of way is usually a matter left to local government, not Congress.

"We were accused of blackmail by the city," said the Park Service's Gilbert. It was an unfair charge, he said -- the congressional stipulation came as a surprise to Park Service negotiators.

Closing off Washington Street was, in fact, the design option preferred by many city officials, including Mayor Vanta Shafer. But they sensed it would be controversial. (And they were right -- see sidebar.)

On a trip to the nation's capital last July, Shafer asked Stevens -- diplomatically, she thought -- to remove the street-vacation language from federal law so they could handle the matter locally. He obliged -- but also, to the surprise of the city, took the money away.

"I guess all I can say is that the appropriation of money for the city of Seward wasn't addressed in that meeting," Shafer said.

Stevens spokeswoman Boone said it was all a misunderstanding. Stevens thought the street had already been vacated by the city and he was providing them the money as compensation for giving up the right of way. When he found out it wasn't vacated yet, she said, he looked elsewhere for a home for the funds, which had to be committed that fiscal year.

"He was very clear to the mayor he was not trying to force the city to do anything," Boone said.

Officials at the Alaska SeaLife Center quickly proclaimed they had not sought the city's $1.6 million for themselves. But they also said now that the money was theirs, priorities for waterfront improvements would be different from the city's -- beginning with the purchase of the Arcade building.

"It would be helpful to us in the long run," said SeaLife Center executive director Tylan Schrock.

The SeaLife Center guarded the price they were paying for the Arcade until the deal closed at the end of March. The $558,000 price turned out to be slightly higher, per square foot of land, than the Park Service paid for properties other than Old Solly's. But because it included the cost of demolition -- $200,000, according to McCabe -- it was a better deal, center officials said.

The Arcade deal was set up with proper attention to appraisals, knowing it could be subject to audit by a federal inspector general, said Stevens, the SeaLife Center's finance director.

The Arcade Building was torn down by Centennial contractors in March. The SeaLife Center agreed to buy a bare lot, said Schrock. Whether the land becomes office space, an open plaza or souvenir shop will be up to the master plan, officials said.

McCabe, in a brief written statement, referred to the removal of the old building as revitalization. "When runners cross the Mount Marathon finish line this year, there will be a place to stretch with an incredible view of the bay. Everyone who visits Seward this year will appreciate the improvement," he said.


TOO MUCH POWER?

To many of Seward's civic leaders, the Alaska SeaLife Center is a shining achievement, an icon of bootstraps economic development and their town's friendship with Stevens. But critics sometimes complain the facility wields too much local power, as when it wound up with the city's waterfront-improvement funding.

The purchase of the Arcade property from McCabe could sharpen the debate about its role in the community.

Since its inception, the marine facility has been touted as a tourist magnet that will help local business, not compete with it. But several center board members say the Arcade property seems a natural not only for offices but for a retail business targeting pedestrians moving between the SeaLife Center and the new Mary Lowell Center.

Center officials say they don't want to be seen as building up retail efforts in a way that would compete with other downtown shops. On the other hand, they say they are looking for new sources of revenue because they expect Stevens' influence on the budget to wane in coming years. They predict their federal funding will decline 25 to 35 percent. (Even as federal research funds decline, the center's need for office space will increase, they say, because more scientific work is being done in-house rather than elsewhere through subcontracts.)

Another innovative SeaLife Center proposal, for two-hour day-boat tours of Resurrection Bay, comes from the same need for new revenue, officials say. The tours, to be provided by an independent contractor from a dock at the center, will provide a new attraction for visitors this summer, officials said. Center staff will serve as on-board interpreters.

"It's part of our windows to the sea," said general manager Darryl Schaefermeyer.

The proposal is controversial. SeaLife Center officials argue that short boat tours won't compete with established full-day tours now operating out of the boat harbor on the other side of town. But when the tidelands lease for the dock came up before the local planning commission last month, tour-boat operators working out of the small boat harbor lined up to speak in opposition to what they called unfair competition from a city-supported nonprofit.

SeaLife Center officials, who refused the city manager's earlier demand for information on its land purchases, accused the city administration of stalling on the dock for reasons of "bureaucracy, rumors, innuendo and petty personalized politics."

The tidelands lease is coming up for final approval Monday before the City Council.

Waiting in the wings is Alaska Northern Outfitters, the company that would provide the boat and dock for the tours. The company did not have to bid on the job. Center officials say the company came to them, answering a need they had talked about for years. As a private business, officials said, the Alaska SeaLife Center does not have to put such a contract out to public bid.

Alaska Northern Outfitters is co-owned by Trevor McCabe.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Reporter Tom Kizzia can be reached at tkizzia@adn.com or in Homer at 1-907-235-4244.

Now Showing at Alaska's Groovest Hotel

The Show has hit the road, all of my paintings are now up in the lobby of the Dimond Center Hotel. It was actually rather fun doing the installion, the staff at the hotel are predisposed to liking my art because they view several pieces of it daily and are thus brainwashed into believing that it is the bomb.

(yeah, right, I wish)

It was cool that several members of the staff suggested there were particular pieces that they wanted to purchase, and even the maids took a few moments to take a gander.

For any of you traveling to the Anchorage area, the Dimond Center Hotel is THE place to stay. As Gidget would say, and the Lonely Planet agreed, "It is the absolutely upmost."

Booklovers Meme

The Meme Goes On
April 20th, 2006: Posted by Brockman

Generally, I'm not that wild about memes — though they can, on occasion, be good fun. And they aren't entirely dissimilar to those little questionnaires we all used to get via email from our friends or relatives ("Write two nice things about the person who sent this to you, and seven bad things") before email chain letters were replaced by blogs.

But this seems an interesting meme for a book blog. So I'm putting it up here and inviting you, Faithful Reader, to post your list.

Here's how it works. Bold the titles you've read, italicize the ones you might read, cross out the ones you won't, underline the ones on your book shelf, and place parentheses around the ones you've never even heard of.

***dml answers***

The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
The Catcher in the Rye - J.D. Salinger
The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy - Douglas Adams
The Great Gatsby - Scott F. Fitzgerald
To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
(The Time Traveler's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger)
(His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman)
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - J. K. Rowling
(The Life of Pi - Yann Martel)
Animal Farm: A Fairy Story - George Orwell
Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
(The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon)
Lord of the Flies - William Golding
Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
1984 - George Orwell
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban - J. K. Rowling
One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
(The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini)
(The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold)
Slaughterhouse 5 - Kurt Vonnegut
(The Secret History - Donna Tartt)
Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe - C.S. Lewis
(Middlesex - Jeffrey Eugenides)
(Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell)
Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
(Atonement - Ian McEwan)
(The Shadow of The Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon)
The Old Man and the Sea - Ernest Hemingway
The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
(The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath)
Dune - Frank Herbert
(Sula by Toni Morrison)
Cold Mountain by Charles Frazier
The Alchemist by Paulo Coehlo
(White Teeth by Zadie Smith)
(The House of Mirth by Edith Wharton)

What you have always wanted to know.

Dorene, you're a Romance Middle High!

Romance



Although you're a sucker for romance, you'll probably cut a guy some slack even if he doesn't constantly pamper you with gifts and affection. You crave passion in your relationships, so you want a guy who can (and will) express his deepest feelings for you through his actions. Someone like Richard Gere or George Clooney, perhaps? But you know that men aren't very romantic, so you're willing to lower your standards in this area if need be. Chances are you're willing to stick around once the courting period ends, though it's still very important that your guy occasionally dote upon you. Your realistic-yet-hopeful outlook will guarantee you a good catch!

Maturity

There's no denying that men are like fine wine — they definitely get better with age. It's not hard to understand why, when you consider all the benefits of getting older, which is why you like your guys a bit older and more mature. Suave and sophisticated, a mature-yet-fun man — like Regis Philbin or Kelsey Grammer's "Frasier" character — would be more likely to settle down into a real relationship and make a lasting commitment. On the other hand, your answers show that you don't go for stiffs who can't crack a joke. What's the point if there's no spontaneity, right? It sounds like you go for guys with experience and a sense of humor that's dry as a fine Chablis, but with a hint of spice.

Lifestyle

Some people say love is a journey of the heart. So if you're traveling anyway, why take coach when you can go first class? It sounds like you have a very clear idea of the lifestyle that you and your ideal guy should lead — and it's quite extravagant. Whether you want a fabulous wedding or an incredible living space, you plan on having an extremely high-maintenance lifestyle. (Two famous men with bank accounts that live up to your expectations are Donald Trump and Bill Gates.) If this way of life is within your own means, great! We congratulate you on your good fortune, and we hope you'll remember us when the time comes to send out party invitations. On the other hand, if you're counting on your ideal man to supply the bucks, you may be in for a disappointment. We all dream about a fairy-tale love affair (complete with a castle), but it's important to stay within the limits of reality. Based on your answers, you should recognize and respect your desires, but if you meet Mr. Right, don't let anything get in the way of true love, even an itty bitty bank balance.

Looks

You may not judge a book entirely by its cover, but you definitely like the cute ones. (Who doesn't?!) You might consider someone who's a little less than gorgeous, but you generally tend to seek out very handsome men who can really turn heads. Matt Damon? Noah Wyle? Right up your alley. But if need be, you're willing to place personality and chemistry before a pretty face and a hot body. Nevertheless, your answers reveal that you take pride in your man's appearance and get a thrill out of watching others gawk at him. You're impressed by looks, and you definitely set your standards high when it comes to physical appearance. Still, you also realize that beauty may be only skin deep and that an average-looking guy with tons of charm might be your perfect match in every other way!

Global Warming, better than Global Cooling

My new tenant is Michael, from Upstate New York. He is a Blogin Idiot. He made his first post on 8/5/2004; hit 10,000 on 5/18/2005; 20,000 on 10/31/2005; and 30,000 on 2/24/2006.

That is a lot of content. But, like most New Yorkers, upstate or city, he can be such a whiner. Mugged, he complained last monday, he feels he has been mugged and is in a miserable blue funk as he listens to the robins chirping about spring. Ha! Take a grander from my bedroom window this morning and speak to me of such quibble. Global warming, bring it on!

Mugged

Monday, April 10, 2006


I must have gotten mugged on my journey to find myself.
What else explains the fact that I feel miserable and out of sorts?

The sun is shining and the robins are flirting around sending out the song that spring has arrived. The color blue of the sky is the most amazing color that I have ever seen. There should be a joy in me to match the season.

Yes, I should be happy and I can't tell you why I just would prefer to be sleeping. I've been dragging my butt and can't understand it. I'm not really sick. Not really injured. Not really stressed. Not really hurried. I can't even blame it on the moon.

In fact I haven't blown up any TVs for almost a week. I haven't stabbed myself in 5 days. I can show you a list of happy things that have settled down upon my mantle.

Maybe I am simply tired. Not sleeping to avoid some dreams that want to pounce on me? Maybe it's more. Maybe it's just a chance for me to whine? I think I am trying to become an expert? How am I doing?

Maybe it's a convenience thing. As I think of some things I wanted to write about I find I just can't pull it all together. Like writing about the FBI is infiltrating the local clothing stores like Old Navy or restaurants like Friday's. You can tell because they wear the earpiece that is connected to a communicator. They are wired. As I walked by that Old Navy and saw the people walking around wearing these headsets I was all of a sudden hungry for some French fries.

Maybe it's an avoidance thing. Proving that I live my life vicariously through my kids. I could have written about our conversation concerning our youngest's after school craft teacher. How my wife had mentioned that my oldest would have really liked her. He mumbles why? She proceeds to say because she is blond and pretty... and my youngest adds, "and really nicely shaped". (He's just 7!) He back peddles out of that one but when questioned what her name is he goes, "Summer" followed by this sigh that just rocks the world.

Yeah, I'm thinking that I must have been mugged. Lost my memory of the situation and I am just recovering from the ordeal.

For more from Micheal click on his thumbnail on the right or on the title of this post for a direct link.

Dona sez Everyone Needs a Job

You can't make up stuff better than this!
Ain't politics grand?

Jesse Jackson's New Staff Member
Mel Reynolds

Jesse Jackson has added former Chicago Democrat Congressman Mel Reynolds
to Rainbow/PUSH Coalition's payroll. Reynolds was among the 176 criminals
Excused in President Clinton's last-minute forgiveness spree.

Reynolds
Received a commutation of his six-and-a-half-year federal sentence for 15
Convictions of wire fraud, bank fraud, and lies to the Federal Election
Commission. He is more notorious, however, for concurrently serving five
Years for sleeping with an underage campaign volunteer.

This is a first in American politics: An ex-congressman who had sex with a
Subordinate...won clemency from a president who had sex with a
Subordinate...then was hired by a clergyman who had sex with a subordinate.

His new job?

Ready for this??

*********YOUTH COUNSELOR********
IS THIS A GREAT COUNTRY OR WHAT

Brent Serves up his Most Embarassing Moment

We were ranked number one and undefeated. We were playing a home game. We played in a huge gym, and it was packed to the rafters with fans. We were warming up. I was peppering (for those who don't know volleyball, it's warming up by passing, setting and hitting at each other). We warmed up the way we played.

The hits could be clocked at literally 80-90 mph. My partner was Kevin (he and Larry play fun parts in many of my stories). Anyway, I felt really good. We were pounding the ball at each other. At this point in the warm up, Kevin mis-hit the ball. My eyes read "deep, high hit" so my hands came up to dig the ball near my face.

Meanwhile, Kevin's hand over-cut the ball and it dropped fast and hard about 3 feet in front of me and one-hopped off of the floor...right between my legs. It was a crushing hit. My vision went red. I swear I felt my testicles hit my brain-pan and bounce off of my eyes. Both legs and my right arm went numb.

The next thing I remember is looking up and seeing Kevin and the trainer and the coach standing over me as I lay on the floor curled up in the fetal position. I look up at them with tears coming out of my eyes. I had no idea if I had been unconcious, but I'm pretty sure I blacked out because it had to take a while for the trainer and coach to get across the gym.

As I look up at these three people who obviously have no idea what to do, two things happen simultaneously. Kevin said "Are you alright...I'm SOOO sorry!".

At the same time the coach looks at the trainer. The trainer looks at the coach.

Now, I'm taking sports medicine too, so I know what's coming and I can see how uncomfortable the trainer is. He's a student trainee, and every bit as uncomfortable as I would be. Despite my pain I start to smile inside.

The trainer looks down at me. He then looks at the coach again. The coach gives him a look that screams "DO SOMETHING!!".

The trainer looks down at me again and says, "uhhhhh...do you need me to, y'know, LOOK. Does it need to be pulled out or something?".

I looked up at him as Kevin started to laugh and the coach started to smile, trying his best not to laugh. It was at this moment that I realized that our voices were carrying and that this conversation was echoing throughout the gym...and there were 9000 people listening to us.

I quickly looked up at the trainer and said "If you touch me, YOU DIE!".

I had one of my best matches that day.

Buckskin Miss Needs a New Buddy

Sex: Mare Age: 5 Years Height (in hands):

Necktag #: 5061 Date Captured: 11/28/05

Color: Buckskin Captured: Outside an HMA

Notes:
SPECIAL EVENT ADOPTION
APRIL 15, 2006
PVC FACILITY

This mare is included in our special event adoption and will be available for adoption on April 15th. The adoption event will take place at the PVC facility, morning briefing is scheduled for 9am, competitive bidding starts at 10am and is completed at 11am. Animals not adopted under the competitive bid will be available for the standard adoption fee of $125 on a first come first serve basis. They will be available for load out as soon as the bidding has concluded. The bidding starts at $125 and can be raised in increments of $5.

This is a facility adoption. You will have to travel to the facility to adopt the animal and you will be responsible for transportation home.

Note: These are untrained wild horses and burros. The one question we are asked most often is, “how tall is the horse?” Understand, we cannot walk up to them and measure them. You will notice in a number of pictures with 2 blue lines on the fence in the background. Though this is not an accurate measure of the animal, the blue lines are for scale. The top line measures 60 inches up the fence, the bottom line is 56 inches. 15 hands= 60 inches, 14 hands=56 inches. The horses are photographed in front of the marked fence. This is not an accurate way to measure the horse due to a number of variations. 1) we had a snow storm, the horses are standing in a mud hole, 2) I am 6 foot tall, therefore, I am shooting down to the top line, 3) the distance of the horse to the camera, 4) the distance between the horse and the marked fence. Please use the blue lines as a scale reference to compare one horse versus another.

For more information, please contact our office at 775-475-2222 or email to Michael_Myers@nv.blm.gov. Click on the title of this post for more information.

Gawd I Miss Joe

Here is the final cover, offical release date is 19 June 2006. Will let you know when it is available through my publishers website for pre-release orders.

FADE TO SIX MONTHS AGO, PHOENIX ARIZONA

Well, to start, I quit my job. For the moment, my one and only e-mail address is xxxx@cox.net. I had been working for Honeywell Avionics. I loved the people I worked with, and the work itself wasn't bad.

However, the management on the East Coast, the ones calling all the shots, not one of them could find their butts with both hands, even if you pinned their wrists to their butt-cheeks and repeatedly burried your foot up their ass for added emphasis. Chief idiot is Honeywell's CEO, himself.

David Cote has been called by one of his former bosses, "the most ignorant man to ever reach any senior level of management." The year after he signed on as CEO of Honeywell, Fortune magazine named him one of the twelve most "piggy" CEO's in America. He came in third. Under his "leadership", Honeywell has seen its marketshare go straight into the friggen toilet. Three years ago, we were the clear market dominators.

Now, Honeywell will be lucky if they can keep their existing contracts. Unless the avionics divisions get sold soon, or unless Cote and the entire BOD are involved in some gloriously horrible, catastrophic accident that thankfully reduces them to naught but pond scum, I cannot see how the avionics division of Honeywell will exist in any meaningful form in two >>years. Hell, one could argue they don't exist in any "meaningful" form now.

Anyway, I've got a new job, starting October 14th. I'm going to be working with Boeing, working on aircraft what blow "shhhhtuff" up!!!!

Beyond that, life's been, well, typical for me. I had to trade in my van a few weeks ago for a car. I got the van from my folks last year, when my truck's engine suddenly dumped all its oil while I was travelling down the highway. By the time I could work my way across traffic to the side of the road, my engine had siezed. Not completely sure what circumstances would lead to that. You'd think there'd be residual oil in the engine to prevent that, but apparently not.

Bye-bye truck. Hello van.

Well, the van was a '95. It'd been up to Alaska a couple times. Suffice it to say, it'd seen better days. Anyway, I live about 20 miles from where I worked. It's been costing me over $60 a week just to put gas in that thing. On top of that, it was getting temperamental, and the maintenance costs were becoming more than the thing was worth.

So, I traded it in for a 2006 VW turbodiesel Jetta. It's not the car I wanted. I wanted a Golf - a no frills compact economy car (I'm a horrendously practical person. When my wife caught me looking at an expensive car, and I told her I was thinking about having my mid-life crisis, she patted me on the shoulder and asked, "you do realize, that Jaguar you're looking at, it's a station wagon, right?"

Yeah, I knew, but hell, if I'm going to fork over that kind of dough on a car, the damned thing better be able to haul something). Anyway, because of the gas situation, the closest dealership with a TDI Golf was in Pittsburg. So, I took the Jetta.

It was a pretty fine car ... for all of three days. On the fourth day, as I was going to pass someone travelling 40 mph on the highway, I hear a pop, and suddenly the car is enveloped in thick black smoke. I hadn't even coasted to a stop before there was a motorcycle cop behind me. He yanked me out of the car, and had me stand 10 feet on the other side of a guard-rail. He'd thought the car was on fire. Shortly after that, another police car pulled up. This guy'd been traveling on the other side of the highway, and he'd thought I'd exploded.

Turns out, the turbo had exploded. When I got it into the dealership, and they took the engine apart, they discovered that the turbo had been malformed during manufacture. The compressor wheel (see diagram: http://www.cs.rochester.edu/u/jag/vw/engine/turbo/garrai3.jpg) had disintegrated under the high RPM, and shot shrapnel down the exhaust system. This took out an O2 sensor and the catalytic converter.

At this point, I asked for a new car, and here's where the "Lemon Laws" actually bound up my hands. They aren't actually required to refund or give me a new car unless the one I have has been in the shop for more than 30 days, or has been in more than 4 times for the same problem. So, I had to let them try and fix it. Besides, I've still got my GodSmack and Rammstein CD's in the player, and they're holding them hostage.

Well, the things been in their shop for 11 days. The service rep keeps telling me that everything is fixed, except the "cat", and she doesn't know when they can get that part in. I ended up calling VW's national service hotline, and lighting a fire under their asses, and that seemed to bust up the log-jam. I got someone to call me back, and he said, "Yes sir, the parts been expedited. It's been put on a truck in Mexico, and should be to Phoenix in 3 to 5 days."

I commented, "Mexico, you say? Well, I think I can guess as to why the freakin' turbo blew up." In my work, we deal with contractors for parts out of Mexico, and the parts coming back from Mexico generally have a 14 to 50 percent failure rate. But hey, they're cheaper labor, and that's all that matters, right?

Other than that, lifes been ... peachy.

:)

- Joe

NOW FLASH FORWARD TO TODAY

Wow ... and now, in the "how could things possibly get worse" category.

Well, if you've been wondering, "why hasn't Joe written in awhile," although I can't imagine why you'd be wondering that, but bear with me, here's the scoop:

When last I left you, I was trying to get my brand new Volkswagen fixed. Well, after waiting a month for these morons to try and fix the damned thing, by Arizona law, it officially became a lemon. Like the majority of companies high on the outsourcing craze these days, they tried to stick it to me - assuming consumers are sheep and morons and won't demand their rights, even as these companies rape and murder the US economy. Well, instead, I gave THEM the shaft, so to speak. I had to go and hire a lawyer, and sue Volkswagen. I have no idea why they tried to fight me on it because they had absolutely no legal footing to stand on, but after a very brief hearing, they were forced to pay me back not only all the money I paid them, but also all my legal fees. On top of that, they were stuck with a busted car they cannot legally sell. All this, because they refused to simply take the car back, fix it at their leisure, and put me in a new vehicle, when they had the chance.

Morons ... absolute morons.

Ok, that was in October through November. In the meantime, Lori (my better half) went in for minor surgery at the end of October. It wasn't anything serious. It was preventative surgery, and she was in and out of the hospital in less than a day.

Well, towards the end of November, I started having a problem with my feet. I got a rash on one of my left toes that wouldn't heal. At first it was nothing, it was just an irritant. My doctor said it was athletes foot, so I was treated it with everything I could think of, from athlete's foot creams and powders to topical antibiotics. Nothing quite worked. Suddenly, a couple days before Christmas, it got dramatically worse. In less than eight hours, my toe suddenly swelled from the size of my pinky to the size of my thumb. It was screamingly painful. It hurt so bad, I wanted to open up the toe with a razor blade, no joke. Luckily, my folks were visiting, and my dad drove me in to see my doctor. I went in and told him, "This is not any damned athletes foot!" Because the foot was SO infected, he put me on maximum strength antibiotics. Within a day, the swelling was down considerably.

Now, cutting back to Lori, all during this time, she'd had a spreading rash on her abdomin. HER doctor said it was a yeast infection, and was treating her for that. Well, when I went in for a follow-up for my foot, I noticed what were like little pimples on my side, which were mirror images to the rashes Lori had. My doctor immediately identified them as being the same kind of infection that had nearly taken my foot, and upped my antibiotics, saying there must be something in my environment that was contaminated. The very next day, Lori and I were in her doctor's office, and I said, "That's no damned yeast infection - that's a staph infection. She needs antibiotics, right now!" With that, her doctor sent Lori in to have a full batter of tests done (up to this point, the doctor had only ever done very rudimentary visual inspections). Well, the lab results came back, stating it was MRSA. MRSA is the most virulent form of flesh eating bacteria. It's also the hardest to kill, because it's immune to just about everything. They immediately put Lori on maximum strength antibiotics, which she had to continue taking for almost a month.

This is where everything kinda clicked. People infected with MRSA normally contract it in a hospital or other medical setting. When they get it, it can take upwards of three months before the first symptoms show up. It usually first shows up like a rash or a pimple, at which point it will readily spread to anyone who physically comes into contact with the sore. Once a family becomes infected, it can ping-pong back and forth between family members, even those who were previously cured. What we figure is Lori got it when she had her surgery. A month later, she developed a minor rash or pimple, which she didn't think anything of. Somehow, I got the bacteria on my foot, which probably got in under the skin through a scratch. Weeks after that, my toe explodes, and everything transpires as above.

So far, the antibiotics seems to have worked, knock on particle board. There are, however, strains of MRSA, coming out of California, for which only one antibiotic is known to be effective. Scary stuff.

Ok, so now we cut to the job situation. As I mentioned before, I'd quit my job with Honeywell because the east coast "leaders" were vigorously driving the business into the ground. That, likewise, was back in October. From October until recently, I was working as a subcontracter with Boeing, working on upgrading the software on Apache attack helicopters. When I signed on, the contract was for six months, but the hiring manager said he couldn't foresee the job ending in anything less than a year. Here's what I have learned. Managers lack foresight. Either that, or they're natural born liars. Surprise, surprise - at the end of six months, I'd finished up all the work I'd been assigned, only to discover I'd worked myself out of a job.

Actually, I wasn't all that crushed when the boss said they had nothing more for me to do. I was commuting 42 miles one way to get to the job. For those of you in Alaska, that may not seem like much. However, this commute took me through the worst of Phoenix traffic. Imagine, if you will, and endless sea of cars, all of which are driven by congenital retards, most of which can't spell their own names, and all of which have death wishes, and you get a sense of how much "fun" I've been having driving to and from work these past six months.

So, this past Monday, I started work with a new company here in Phoenix. This one is MUCH closer to where I live. It's another avionics firm, and oddly enough, it feels a bit like a homecoming for me. The majority of the employees at the company I'm working for now are ex-Honeywellers.

Anyway, that's what's been up with me lately. Haven't meant to be anti-social, but I've been somewhat distracted. ;)

- Joe

Midnight Blue Noon Covered

Have been wrestling with the novel's cover for the last 48 hours - you have to admit there has been a significant shift in presentation. The warm rolling hills have gone and we are back to the big white mountain.

The painting on the cover just found a new home this morning (the white mountain, silly, the other image was a computer generation.) Ashely, the cover designer at Publish America, has been a dream to work with. So we are off the the printer's tomorrow!

Bandit ready to Steal your Heart

This sharp two-year-old gelding is a sweet choice. He is located in Ewing, Illinois, and is 14.1 hands tall. He was captured in October of last year in Green Mountain, Wyoming. He is listed as a gray, but looks like a bay that is roaning out to me. Beautiful star/blaze and two socks on the back feet. This boy is going to turn some heads when he is all chromed out.

He has been in training at the Mantle Ranch since February of this year. www.mantleswildhorses.com. They say that he is a really nice-minded colt. Wants to please and tries hard to do the right thing for you. He can be haltered in the round pen and has been handled all over. Should make a real nice trail horse, or take him to the arena. Recommended for the intermediate-type adopter.

Click on the title of this post to get more information. He is available today as either an in-person or mail-in adoption. Phone number and contact information provided in the link. First qualified individual with $150 in hand gets him.

Sexy Bookish Librarian

Every once in a while you have to just roll the dice and see what lands. Okay, so I am really not that adventurous. I was really just doing my quarterly hard check to make sure that my links still linked some where. What I discovered was a gem, really.

I started at the bottom, okay so you caught me, this is creative avoidance of work I am just not in the mood to do. Anyway, confessional over, I started at the bottom on the block, with the web circles/loops group. The last in line is "ObscureLogs" and I clicked on it and was immediately spirited away to a working link.

I cannot tell you the name of the site, because it is too many entries back for my browser to recapture, but from it I launched into a wonderful little gem that is hooked up with OMG WallMart. It is called "The Library Thing" (click on title of this post for a direct link) and is fun as can be for the little reader in me.

If you have a unreasonable amount of books cluttering up every room in your house, you too should go to this site. And also to the Old Inlet Book Shop in Homer. Not just because they quote Abraham Lincoln on their bookmarks, "The things I want to know are in books. My best friend is the man who'll get me a book I ain't read." Also because they are the home of the Mermaid Cafe and some of the coolest mermaid paintings you will ever care to acquire. I think Gidget's next bedroom is going to be a mermaid bedroom.

www.mermaidcafe.net/www.oldinletbookshop.com

The Old Inlet Bookshop is a family owned bookshop of third-generation booksellers. We offer used, rare and out-of-print books, and have been operating in Homer since 1997.

The shop has moved from its original location in the basement of the Old Inlet Trading Post to its new digs up the street, now located in a dovetail notch-constructed log cabin in historic Old Town. About 400 feet from the waters of Cook Inlet, the log structure, known as the Hansen House (because it was Burt Hansen who moved it from the south side of Kachemak Bay to its present location in the early 1930s), was one of Homer's very first stores. The provenance is still a mystery, but some locals believe the cabin was built on Yukon Island in 1905, making it one of the oldest buildings in Homer.

Totally renovated, the cabin offers old pioneer charm to the add-on new construction that houses the Mermaid Cafe and B&B. The bookshop specializes in Alaskana, polar exploration, natural history, modern firsts, children's and medical books. We also offer a wide array of general stock in most genres.

Of the 20,000-plus titles available for perusal, one might find a signed Rockwell Kent illustrated first edition Moby Dick in a dust jacket, or a John Muir Cruise of the Corwin with a manuscript tipped into it. There is the possibility of securing a paperback of a favorite fiction writer, or a naval text detailing all the major submarine battles of World War 11.

Also available are original oil paintings by local artist James Buncak, oil paintings by Chicago artist Sue Spero, whale-bone and ivory carvings by Point Hope Eskimo Tom Fields, and photographs by renowned photographer G. Brad Lewis.

Casmir's Big Weekend

Gidget was recognized for her fine work in the Social Studies area, apparently she has been turning in some pretty amazing projects. That was Friday, at an assembly at her elementary school. The real award came on Saturday, courtesy of Renown Tours (click on the title of this post to go to their website.)

Casmir and her buddy, Ray were treated to a great tour of the sparkling blue-green Resurrection Bay and Kenai Fjord National Park waters aboard the M/V Keet. A quick boat, with a smooth ride, "normal" bathrooms, and an endless buffet of food...which included Gidget's favorites strawberries and peeled shrimp.

The focus of the tour was the over 20,000 California Gray whales who were making their annual 12,000 mile grand circle tour of Alaska - from Baja California to their summer feeding waters in the Bering Sea. Gray Whales travel by "line of sight," which keeps them very close to the coastline. The tour lasted about four hours and took us 60 miles roundtrip.

Somehow Ray and Casmir managed to snag three pairs of binoculars and window seats. Gray whales they saw, flukes and all - several pods. Also found a couple of humpback whales who were happy to wave their tales for them. And lots of Steller sea lions, Dall's porpoise, harbor seals, bald eagles, marine birds, and several mountain goats. And bunkers from WWII and glaciers galore.

A great way to break out for spring, would highly recommend it!

I am a sex goddess, at night

Internet Fortune Cookie say: Dorene, you're a Persephone!

A brilliant bolt of lightning descends! SHAZAAM! The oracle has spoken!

The smoke clears to reveal that inside you is a divine being,

PERSEPHONE, Goddess of the Night, a woman in touch with her deepest inner desires.

As the most sexual of all the female deities, you are very comfortable in the bedroom. Your skill at pleasing a man is unmatched, and you know exactly what you need for your own pleasure.

As a woman of passion, you're very comfortable with expressing your desires to anyone. You are a proud and confident woman who exudes sensuality.

You cherish the intimacy of physical attraction and know what it takes to win a man. As a woman deeply in touch with your sexuality, you definitely know how to thoroughly enjoy yourself!

Your polished bedroom performance always keeps them coming back for more. When everything is going right, a light shines down from the heavens. Behold, the skies proclaim, here lies a goddess

Dona does Old Folks Home

MEXICAN GRANDFATHER

A Mexican family was considering putting their grandfather in a nursing home. All the Catholic facilities were completely full so they had to put him in a Jewish home. After a few weeks in the Jewish facility, they came to visit grandpa.

"How do you like it here?" asks the grandson.

"It's wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful," says grandpa.

"We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you. You know, since you are a little different from everyone."

"Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents here," grandpa says with a big smile "There's a musician here -- he's 85 years old. He hasn't played the violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him 'Maestro'!"

"There is a judge in here -- he's 95 years old. He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him 'Your Honor'!"

"And there's a physician here -- 90 years old. He hasn't been practicing medicine for 25 years and everyone still calls him 'Doctor'!"

"And me......, I haven't had sex for 35 years and they still call me 'The F*cking Mexican'..

Not your Average Mommy Blog

Lucy describes herself as:
Just a southern girl making her way through life with three kids.
Interests and moods may (and do) vary.

She's survived being a teenage single mother, adopting two children through two very different venues and getting married. She writes about being a mommy, and a mother - but life isn't all hearts and flowers and teddy bears. Instead, it is hilarious!

Anyone considering having children should consider this blog required reading. You can click on its thumbnail on the right, or on the title of this post.

And be forewarned: contents are very messy. Puke, cah-cah, germ nazis, McCrappy's Playland, nasty sick children, the terrors and thrills of being a parent, and the trials of adoption are all discussed in frank and graphic terms.

I want Candy

Internet Fortune Cookie say: Dorene, you're whipped because he's Sweet

Nice guys finish last? Not a chance if they meet a sweetie like you. There's not a thing in the world you wouldn't do for loved ones, and you wanna make sure you find a guy who's got his priorities straight too. Whether he's a bull-rider or a businessman, he'd better have a big heart.

When you fall, you fall hard. And it's the little things that matter like when he opens the door for you, cooks you dinner, or leaves sweet notes in your pocket. Brains and brawn are fine and dandy, but he won't win your heart if he isn't in touch with his sensitive side. Awwww, how sweet!

Lifted from Cargo, I know, Very Gay

The Seattle Seahawks' uniforms are gay. Monograms are gay. Colored iPod protectors are gay. Pleated shorts are extremely gay. The underhand cigarette hold, in which the thumb and middle finger are used like a pair of tweezers, is gay, and French exhaling is gay, gay, gay. The J in Michael J. Fox is gay.

Emotions are gay ;)

Ordering a Cosmopolitan at a bar, if you're a guy, is gay, and calling it a Cosmo is the gayest thing in the world.

However, and here's the tricky part, the guy who-orders that Cosmo is almost certainly not gay himself. No actual homosexual has done that since Sex and the City was on the air, and probably not even then.

Because when I say gay, I don't mean gay as in "He like to get with other guys." I mean it as in "Wow, that reindeer sweater you're wearing? So gay."

In other words, I mean it the way I did in seventh grade.

Now, I've learned a lot since then. Like, I've learned that reindeer sweaters do not have sex with men, and aren't at all likely to be worn by a man who does. So it makes no sense at all to call reindeer sweaters gay, but I'll do it anyway. And so would many, many people I hang around with. I asked one friend if she ever used gay in the sense of "an object or action that signifies profound inner uncoolness," and about eight seconds later she e-mailed me the following, which is just an excerpt from a much longer list:

"Dream catchers, or anything with noble-looking wolves on it. Framed Guinness posters. Knowing too much about your astrological sign, flipped-up polo-shirt collars, telling a chick that you 'don't dance', the Tasmanian devil, having an AOL e-mail address, ordering the medium size, using a coupon at a sit-down restaurant. Oh, and liking Dave Matthews. Also - reciting the plots of car commercials. Actually, that might be more 'retarded' than 'gay.'"

And we're back to seventh grade, when David Bolton would call me "retarded," or, more often, "gay," and then everybody would laugh until milk gushed out of someone's nose. We all know better now. We don't mock the mentally handicapped, unless we are the Farrelly brothers. We don't thing homosexual means stupid, objectionable, uncool. And yet we continue to use gay in this totally stupid, objectionable, and uncool way.

Last week I brought this up with a gay friend who is quite smart about linguistic nuance, and he confirmed what I already knew. Yes, he finds this usage "extremely offensive." He didn't just italicize the words when he spoke; he made them last about four minutes. Right. Got it.

But I know plenty of people - both gay and straight, I should point out- who still use the word this way. And we say it not because it's a dis on homosexuals, but because it isn't. The word gay, when applied to yoga mats, is asexual. Actually, it's pre-sexual. It dates back to our dumb, ignorant childhoods - that Neanderthal era before we learned what gay people did when they got naked, decided we were cool with that, stopped thinking they were freaks, and realized we preferred their company to that of most straight people we knew.

That's why I believe it's perfectly fine to use gay as an insult, as long as you're among friends, and as long as you're simply juvenile. If you call a Frappuccino gay, and it's supposed to be an insult because you think it's a beverage commonly drunk by the people you still call faggots, you're a bigoted asshole and I hope we never meet. But if you mean that Frappuccinos are as dopey as the other things you made fun of in the age of zits and training bras and Trapper Keepers, you're just an immature idiot, and therefore welcome to be my friend. You're saying that Frappuccino doesn't deserve any better than this adolescent put-down; a mature, intelligent insult would grant it a dignity it hasn't earned.

And I believe this so strongly that I'm publishing this essay under a fake name. Which is, without question, the gayest thing I've ever done. It's beyond gay. I think it might even be fagatronic.

Custom E-Cards Now Available

The first version of free Lorenz e-cards is now up and running. You can access them through a box on the right. Current images available include my latest set of vivid marine animals and some truly charming vintage Alaskan images.

The dog sled images are mostly from mile zero of the famous Iditarod trail - and look at those teams closely, some have black bears doing the pulling.



The Alaska Pioneers set includes some amazing hunting and fishing pictures, as well as a great deal of ladies in long gowns enjoying the adventures of Alaska. Many would make perfect invitations for a girls night or shower.



The Alaska Native set has wonderful couples, families, and children. All would be charming as save-the-date, birthday, wedding, and anniversary cards. They are execptionally rare, never before published images.

If you are wanting professional reproductions of these prints, either in matted prints, keychains, notecards, or mouse pads contact Alaska Memories Photo at alaskanmemories@alaska.com. We have hundreds of more images to add, so keep checking back for new pictures.

upload backgrounds 2

One Hell of an April Fools Day, No Joke

Wiped out
Survivor of 100-foot wave recalls deadly Aleutians night
By T.C. MITCHELL
Anchorage Daily News

Published: April 1, 2006
Last Modified: April 1, 2006 at 01:50 AM

Five men died 60 years ago today when a tsunami, estimated at 100 feet high, took their sturdy lighthouse on Unimak Island into the sea.

At the time, Scotch Cap Lighthouse was one of the Coast Guard's most isolated duty stations, built on the rock face of the first island in the Aleutian Chain. It was vital because it marked the entrance to Unimak Passage, a heavily traveled strait between the Gulf of Alaska and the Bering Sea, near where the 738-foot Selendang Ayu broke apart in December of 2004.
It's now an unmanned light station, but in 1946 some 25 men made their home there.

When the earthquake hit, Jeano Campanaro, an 18-year-old from Utah, was sleeping on the second floor of the Coast Guard radio communications building, 300 yards away from Scotch Cap Light Station, and on a bluff about 50 feet higher.

"It was a calm evening. My bedroom faced the ocean. When the tidal wave hit, a landlubber like me, all I could see was water all around," he said.

Hoban Sanford, commanding officer, was on duty in the communication building where Campanaro and about 20 other men were stationed. He began sending messages as the island shook.

0130 -- Severe earthquake felt. Building rocked severely. Objects shaken from locker shelves. Duration approx. 30-40 seconds. Building creaked and groaned, but no apparent damage. Weather clear and calm.

"The main thing, we were all young kids and we were all scared," Campanaro said. "Very timid, very fearful. We huddled around each other, it was like a two-story building, it was like a huge house, we huddled around the main area."

0157 -- Second severe quake felt. Shorter in duration but harder than 0130. Duration 15-20 seconds. Again no apparent damage although buildings were shook severely.

Less than 20 minutes later the five-story lighthouse -- designed with iron and stone and built 90 feet above sea level so it could stand against the storms that routinely batter the Aleutian Islands -- returned to gravel, killing the five crewmen as the tsunami blasted it from its rocky shelf.

0218 -- Terrific roaring from ocean heard, followed almost immediately by terrific sea, top of which rose above cliff and struck station, causing considerable damages. Water in building, crew ordered to higher ground.

Campanaro said the wave hit the communications building where he was living with enough force to shove a 2-ton truck through its walls.

"It clipped off the corner of the house. We had water in our generator room. I went down and knocked on the officer's door and asked what we should do. He said we should see if we could start the generators. When we did fire up the generators, we just created a fire. So that didn't work out. And we were supposed to be in constant communication."

0218 -- Attempted to send message of condition but no answer to calls.

"It was April Fools' Day," Campanaro said. "We were sending out an SOS to let people know we were in trouble. They must have thought, 'This is April Fools'. It's a joke.' Nobody answers."

0245 -- Forced to secure power as switchboard is a fire. CO2 used and fire extinguished. Scotch Cap Light Station believed lost. Light extinguished and horn silent.

"I remember some of the guys panicking. They were running out in the wilderness, getting away from that. But when you wake up, you're in your skivvies. Bare-feet. I don't know what they were thinking."

0345 -- Sea seems to be moderating. Still no wind but clouding up. Heavy roaring from ocean, but seems to be quieting down. Scotch Cap L.S. completely washed away. All hands, total loss.

By daybreak, planes did fly over the island. They couldn't land because there was no airstrip. At least the survivors knew then that their situation was finally shared.

"Of course they could see that the lighthouse was gone. Then things started getting in motion."

0800 -- Various tremors continued, some slight, some moderately heavy. Plane came over and surveyed damages.

"We had a few after quakes and tremors, but no more water coming up," Campanaro said. "Of course, every time you'd feel something, everyone would get quite distraught, upset. That's what would bother us. Nobody would eat."

2400 -- Some crew members chose to sleep in DF (direction finding) building. Nearly all hands have been awake for 24 hours. Radio newscasts indicate tidal waves experienced or expected over wide area and information intercepted on 4742.5khz that numerous places being evacuated as safety measures.

The tsunami raced across the Pacific at the speed of a jetliner and hit Hilo, Hawaii, where 159 people were killed. The waves also hit the West Coast and about 20 hours after the quake, a 6-foot wave washed into Chile.

When the 20 men in the communication building ventured out in the light of day to survey the damage, they were further stunned.

"We wandered all over the beach," Campanaro said. "We could look all around the lighthouse and see nothing but the foundation. All the rest of it was just ripped apart. Antennas collapsed. Telephone poles a mile, mile and a half up the ravine were all washed up against the mountainside."

0700 -- Looking over hill to light station again. Debris strewn along beaches. Found what was apparently human intestines on hill by water tank. Much debris.

"There was no search and rescue," said Campanaro. "There was nothing left to rescue. The search involved beachcombing for bodies. We found one, but he (Seaman 1st Class Paul Ness) was pretty well battered. And there were lots of body parts."

Ness was buried on the island in his own grave, Campanaro said. For the remaining four, "We finally made a makeshift grave on the cliff overlooking the lighthouse and made a wooden cross and the pharmacist (stationed there as a medic) took his big black gloves and threw all the parts in a big hole and we put the crosses up and that was it."
2400 -- CGC Cedar and CGC Clover proceeding to Scotch Cap to assist. Pitts, who called S.C.L. Station when first quake felt says that Pickering stated deck was raised. Whether crew had attempted to evacuate and were caught by wave or were trapped inside is not known. (My personal belief is that they were still inside building). -- (Signed) H.B. Sanford CRE.

T.C. Mitchell can be reached at tcmitchell@adn.com.