Clam Wench Weekend

Cold. Smelly. Boring. Exhausting. Miserable.

These are the four adjectives that I have used to describe camping for the last three decades. It all stems from a tragic family drama involving a 70s cabover, a Winston smoke-filled cab, "we've got a long way to go, and a short time to get there" blaring on the 8 track, food poisoning and a long weekend in Ninilchik. In reflection, most likely Memorial Day weekend.

Never wanted to go camping, ever again. And I never did. Until this last weekend.

Keith got a new Kodiak camping trailer for Father's Day, and was understandably itching to try it out. Our Anchorage neighbors invited us to go with them to the Kenai Pen and do and little clamming, which sounded like a good idea until the plan unfolded that they were staying at the Russian River and clamming in China Poot Bay.

Scratched our heads on that one as well. Then it came to light that my brother, sister, and cousin were staying at Aunt Amy's in Ninilchik and clamming there. Different types of clams, the big chewy razors instead of the petite steamers. Keith immediately resigned himself that he would be the only one digging, cleaning, and eating the clams, and was still game.

We weren't prepared for the 20+ campers who were bedded down on Amy's 14 acre spread, even after my brother backed out sighting the potential for rain. (Brian is a weenie!) But this weekend definitely turned into a case of "the more the merrier." Cousin Vince and his crew had the weekend down to a science, with activities to keep all ages engaged, and the company was the best one could hope for.

Vince wore his Clam-o-flague, lead the clamming expedition to the sacred grounds, charged tourists $10 for parking, $10 for beach access, $10 for clamming lessons, and accessed them a $10 fee for not flattening their divots. That guy knows how to mine some clams.

Cold, yes. Even Keith complained for lack of sleep due to cold. Smelly, after clamming, definitely. Exhausting, well, we did drive home and crash. Boring, no, especially when loaded with kids and newborn puppies. Miserable, definitely not. Next year? Count us in.

Alaska's Own Jerry Springer Show

It is a guilty pleasure, I must admit. No, not some tawdry reality tv show that I am addicted to, not even a soap opera. Nothing that passe. Nope, it is the Pets Section in the Alaska Craigslist.

There is always some ignoramus spouting off about this or that. Everyone trying to find a new home for their pet is a bad hat, regardless of the reason. Military folks seems to get a special ugly stick to be beaten with. It is of interest to me just how mean, cruel, and insensitive people can be to one another, especially under the auspicious of doing the right thing.

Those who actually want a forum to sell/buy/trade pets have been going to AlaskasList.com for a while now. No harassment there. Craigslist is just a dysfunctional mess.

Here are some of today's examples:

Morons... (All over Alaska)
Date: 2009-05-19, 2:59PM AKDT

The true morons are you idiots that pay anything over $200 bucks for any kind of dog. That amount is what the pounds charge for you to adopt a dog. You lame brains who have to have some special kind of dog for whatever reason, are idiots. Especially a Chihuahua, they are nothing more than rats with shorter tails, the wind blows on them wrong and they are ruined for life. There are too many dogs in the pounds now that make fine companions and loyal friends. You don't need some stupid expensive dog because Paris Hilton has one. Why is it only fat women in capris with ugly green tattoos on the cankles have Chihuahuas? Poor things probably shiver all the time because they are scared to death of being crushed into the sofa cushions, or lost in the crack of your huge asses. If you want a dog, get a dog for the dog, not to make up for some shortcoming in your own miserable life. Mutts make the best dogs by far, give me one of those any day over some designer dog that costs more then my mortgage payment.

Chicrappydogs, selling fees and all that

Reply to:comm-da9ay-1178999021@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-05-19, 11:55AM AKDT

For those who think 500 bucks ensures a good home
You are stupid, mislead, morons, twits, and basially liars.You are selling your crap dogs here.
Michael Vicks paid 1500 for his pit and almost fought it to death.
A true ass would buy your chicrapper for 250 and feed it to his pits just for the pure evil pleasure.

Luckily due tot he way CL works
I CAN FLAG YOUR CRAP ALL DAY LONG

And I do

And Zeke, I know more about CL then you apparently. Quit emailing me or I will post your email on a gay dating site.

Good Girl Mary Sue demands you Feel Em Up!

I honestly must admit that at first glance the two breasts were a bit shocking, as was the motto "Feel Them Up", but after a moments reflection I decided this was my all time favorite event logo.

When visiting my favorite cousin on my father's side in Chicago, Mary Sue Piekarski mentioned to me that she was breaking down and doing the breast cancer walk - an event she had aspired to participate in for years.

I mentioned that if such an auspicious event demanded a t-shirt, I would be proud to design it for her. Unfortunately, that hasn't transpired do to time constraints. Mary Sue was kind enough to e-mail me her back-of-a-napkin design to keep me in the loop.

You have to know Mary Sue to really appreciate this situation. Mary Sue, married at the Chevy Chase Country Club in Barrington, Illinois to a member of the Bears staff. She once told me that I should adopt "You're Unbelievable" as my theme song as I was so outrageous. Conservative Chicago, old school, beer and brats kinda girl.

She is raising money like a crazy woman for a charity she isn't personally involved in. You just gotta love her. I wish I could vote her in as Miss America, because she is the heart and soul of what the Midwest is about.

No Surprise to Me

Sarah Nan rang to complain that she was pushing a wheelbarrow filled with rocks that weighed more than she did when someone stopped by to ask if she was gardening.

Later that afternoon the strapping young lad who was helping her by spreading a small bag of Alaskan Wildflower seeds was asked by the same person if he was landscaping.

Yep, know how that one works. That is why I am a farmer.

Seldovia Fairy finally grants Ferry Wish

After a decade of effort, Seldovia is finally launching their new ferry. All Aboard this summer to check out the newest way to get between Homer and the sweetest village in Alaska.

Local Couple Gets it On

Nothing quite as earcatching as the soulful sounds of eagles in love. They are downright noisy. Apparently, there is no "If this trees a'rocking, don't come knockin" bumperstickers. There really should be.

Eagles are major show offs when it comes to their lovemaking, there is nothing remotely subtle about it.
They put acrobatic circus performers to shame with their death-defying feats. Judy Ann Warren took some amazing photos of bald eagles in action, thank you Judy! Watch a death spiral by clicking here.

We have two eagle's nests in the Alaska Hamptons viewshed, and the one you can see from the West Wing Master suite is very busy this year. Will be fun to peek out the window and watch for chicks!

Slow Spring brings Yukon Gold

You stick a potato in the catapult, pull the pin, and away it goes. Away, away, over Nash road. Way over.


The sling was made out of an old oilskin hat poached several years ago.

Fishing weights created the 18 pound balance.

Apparently this is No. 3, which took four days to build.

He is hoping to work his way up to one that is made out of two telephone poles that he can pop cars with.

Fishing season cannot start too soon.

I'm a LumberJack and its okay, work all night & sleep all day

Keith Lindsey, one of a seemingly endless stream of men I have known during this lifetime who love to kill big trees and burn them.

The big wind, it split the spruce in half and knocked it down over the boat. No worries. We hack it to bits and light up whats left. Weenies anyone?

Meanwhile Back at the Ranch...

With bonnie blue skies a blazing, this weekend was one to remember. The first three days of May brought more good will and sunshine than all of last summer. And we were quick to take advantage of it.

It was my mother's birthday, and then my brother Brian Walker's birthday, so there is some d/trama with trying to remember how old everyone is supposed to be, as opposed to how old everyone actually is.

In Seward it was the weekend of the Pink Cheeks Triathalon, and my favorite Pinkie is, of course, Kirsten Vessel.

Kirsten is just a joy and delight to be around, and with her children and parents in tow, even more so. The kind of Alaskan family that you wish all Alaskan families were like.

Caught up with Kirsten as she was picking up her pretty numbers for the event, later advised that she "finished not in the front, not in the back, in the middle somewhere. Just glad I finished."

We had decided that Kirsten is a twig, especially considering that she has birthed two babies.

Dan & Matty Walker, one of Seward's most glamourous and intelligent couples, took a break from packing boxes to enjoy the opening ceremonies of Seward's 50 Anniversary of Alaska Statehood celebration.

Former Governor Wally Hickel was scheduled to be the keynote speaker at the event, but he ended up being a no show. Disappointing.

Vic Fisher did a brief on-the-fly attempt to entertain the crowd, but three members of Seward High School's Chorus stole the show with there rarely heard rendition of Twilight is Stealing.

Jackie Pels can be thanked for saving Aldine Kierffer's haunting words and B.C. Linself's soulful music in this lovely song about Seward, and the Jesse Lee Home.


Twlight is stealing over the sea,
Shadows are falling dark on the lea;
borne on the night wind voices of yore,
come from that far off shore.

Far away beyond the starlit skies,
Where the love-light, never, never dies;
Gleameth a mansion filled with delight,
Sweet happy home so bright.

Voices of loved ones,
Songs of the past,
Still linger round me, while life shall last;
Sadly I wander, lonely I roam,
Seeking that far-off home.

Come in the twilight, come come to me,
Bringing some message from over the sea;
Cheering my pathway while here I roam.
Seeking that far-off home.

Dorene at the Derby

Okay racing fans, I am picking Dunkirk for the Kentucky Derby tomorrow.

First, I am a sucker for a grey horse with amazing dapples. It is an esthetics thing, looks really amazing with roses around the neck.

Dunkirk has a defendable pedigree - Unbridled's Song - Secret Status by AP Indy. He comes from multiple Grade 1-winning Unbridled's Song who swooped the Breeders Cup Juvenile, Florida Derby and Wood Memorial. Dunkirk is a grandson of the 1990 Kentucky Derby winner (another Lorenz pick!) Unbridled. Unbridled is one of my all time favorite rides, and it is difficult for sentimental me to pull away from his offspring.

Then there is Todd Pletcher, a University of Arizona graduate. He went to work for Lucas, where he learned to shine. Why didn't I ever enter the Animal Science program at UA? I didn't even know there was an animal science program at UA. The things you miss when you don't go to orientation.

Saturday afternoon I am going to be yelling me head off at the tv while jumping up and down, GO DUNKIRK! GO!