Misty sez Don't Sweat Public Opinon

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor
was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again,
and it won again. The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered
the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day,
the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get
rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby
convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline
the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to
get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10. The next day the
paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The
next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE

The bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is....being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery... and even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life.. Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!

Have a nice day!

Carbon Copy is a Winner

Auntie Christine notes, "We just got home late today from Klamath Falls, OR--happier than a clam at high tide and still on cloud nine....Franky and our dog Carbon just finished a grueling week of 10 series to win the National Amateur Retriever Championship! Pretty country, but it was "HOT", high altitude, dusty where the tests were run...had a good time tho, was good to connect with old friends and meet new ones from across the country and Canada."

Way to Go Uncle Frankie!

Michelle pops a stinger

After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough as
they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his
veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any
more children.



The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that
could fix the problem but that it was expensive. "A less costly
alternative," said the doctor, "is to go home, get a cherry bomb,
(fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can, then
hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."



The Alabama man said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in
the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next
to my ear is going to help me." "Trust me," said the doctor.



So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He
held the can up to his ear and began to count...



"1"

"2"

"3"

"4"

"5"

At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and
resumed counting on his other hand.

Misty reaches back to Native Traditional Wisdom

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old

woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.

"What's in the bag?" asked the old woman.

Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband."

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two.

Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said,

"Good trade."

Kamell warns about hasty judgments

Question 1:
If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind,
one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?

Question 2:
It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three candidates.

Candidate A.
Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologist. He's had two mistresses. He also
chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.

Candidate B.
He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of
whiskey every evening.

Candidate C.
He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never
cheated on his wife.

Which of these candidates would be your choice?

Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.

And, by the way, on your answer to the abortionquestion: If you said YES, you just killed
Beethoven.

Makes a person think before judging someone.

And Finally, can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has
the following statistics:

* 29 have been accused of spousal abuse
* 7 have been arrested for fraud
* 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
* 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted atleast 2 businesses
* 3 have done time for assault
* 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
* 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
* 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
* 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
* 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year...

Can you guess which organization this is?

It's the 535 members of the United States Congress.The same group that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.

Go John, GO! And thank you, from all of us.

Mother wins 20-year fight for family recognition

June 15, 2006; Submitted on: 06/15/2006 10:16:48 AM ; Story ID#: 2006615101648

By Sgt. Clinton Firstbrook , Headquarters Marine Corps

WASHINGTON (June 15, 2006) -- Immeasurable heartache seared into Linda Lorenz as she experienced an act no parent wants to endure; burying an only child.

Her son, Pfc. Hans J.R. Lorenz, died in 1966 as a result of an accident near Da Nang, Vietnam, making Linda one of the thousands of grieving parents who lost children during the Vietnam War. However, when the Vietnam Veterans Memorial was dedicated in 1982, her son's name wasn't inscribed on the monument.

For 20 years, she fought to have her son’s sacrifice recognized and was denied at every attempt. Her struggle ended happily when his name was engraved on the memorial May 17, but not until the burden was nearly too much to bear.

Hans Lorenz, who was attached to 1st Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment, received third-degree burns over most of his body from a gasoline explosion after serving in Vietnam two and a half months. He was flown to Oakland, Calif., where he fought for his life on a hospital bed for 11 days. He died April 26 after a bacterial infection sent him into cardiac arrest. He was 22.

“Hans wanted to join the Marines right after high school, but I told him, ‘No,’ so he joined the Canadian navy instead,” said Linda. “After he finished his two-year contract, he enlisted without telling me. The papers were already signed and he was of age, so there was nothing I could do.”

Linda moved from Ontario, Canada, to Ft. Worth, Texas, soon after her son's burial. If his death wasn’t enough sadness to endure, Linda was unable to locate her son's name on the Vietnam Veterans Memorial after its dedication. A reality which hundreds of other families also faced after discovering their loved ones weren't carved on the monument's black-granite walls.

"I looked at the first book that came out with all of the inscriptions on the Vietnam wall and couldn't find his name," said Linda. "I thought, my God, what should I do?"

Linda approached several government officials with her dilemma, but misinterpreted military regulations for the memorial brought all of her endeavors to a dead-end.

"I even went to the ex-Speaker of the House," she said. "None of them were able to do anything though."

Years passed while Linda continued to mourn the loss of her son. It wasn't until a Canadian couple found her son's grave and encouraged Linda to renew her efforts that she once again tried to have her son's sacrifice recognized.

"My wife was surfing the Internet one night and she stumbled over his name in an online guestbook," said Hal Laffin, an Ontario native. "We thought we should check it out since his name wasn't carved on the Washington or Canadian Vietnam Memorial. We took a drive up to Lakeview Cemetery, about a hundred miles away, and there he was. It was frustrating to have a guy in your backyard for so long and not have any information about him."

The Laffins, who are involved in several veteran organizations, brought their discovery to the Canadian Vietnam Veterans Memorial Association and Ed Johnson, founder of Canada’s Vietnam Veterans Memorial. Everyone agreed Hans' name should be included on the monument and it was added in May 2004.

"My friends wanted me to try and go further, but I said just let it be," explained Linda. "I couldn’t take the rejection."

In the end, her friends' encouragement persuaded Linda to try once more. In 2004, she sent her third letter asking that Hans' name be inscribed on the Vietnam Veterans Memorial in Washington. After receiving another rejection letter, she gave up hope that her son's name would ever find its way on the wall.

The letter she received stated that an individual's name can not be inscribed on the memorial unless their death occurred as a direct result of or aftermath or wounds received in combat. Therefore, Hans did not meet the established criteria for inclusion on the memorial.

"I knew there were more than 10,000 names on the wall who died from non-hostile causes, so there was no reason Hans' name shouldn't be added," said Bruce Swander, a Vietnam veteran and historian. "Who knows how many people just like Linda Lorenz have sent in requests and were routinely denied during the past 15 years?"

Frustrated over the treatment Linda received, Swander created a brief which described the intent of the memorial as authorized by Congress and sent it to Vietnam veteran Wayne Gilchrest, R-Md. Swander’s goal was for Gilchrest to make a congressional inquiry into the issue.

The next year, Linda was greeted with words she never thought she'd hear.

"One of my friends called and said, 'Guess what, it’s happening,'" explained Linda.

Unable to view the inscription process, Linda asked if someone could attend on her behalf. Maj. John L. Arsenault heard about her story and was present at the memorial to make the first charcoal rubbing of her son's name. Four decades after he passed away, the Great Panes Glassworks Company sandblasted Hans J. R. Lorenz into section 6-east, line 111 of the monument. He was the 313th name added to the memorial since its Nov. 13, 1982 dedication.

"I've often wondered why I was spared because I should be on panel 29-west with a great deal of my platoon," said Arsenault, a five-campaign Vietnam veteran. "For reasons I can't explain, I was allowed to live. For 40 years, I've wondered why … maybe today was why.”"

Hans was one of three Marines added to the Vietnam Veterans Memorial during a series of wall inscriptions May 16-18. The additions became official when they were read aloud during a Memorial Day Ceremony May 29. It was during this ceremony that Linda saw the Vietnam Veterans Memorial for the first time. Within moments of standing in front of the 10-foot-high wall, a 20-year dam of built-up sentiment crumbled, causing her to break down.

"It was overwhelming trying to hold all of the emotions back," she said. "I laugh it off with my jokes, but it's always in the background, day and night."

Before Linda left the memorial grounds, she placed a dozen roses at the wall and whispered a few words to her fallen son. As she walked away, a light breeze blew the card off of the bouquet; it was addressed "To Hans."

"When you find out you've lost your child, your life changes in the blink of an eye," she said. "But I believe he was looking down on me today."

Now 83 years old, Linda said she probably won't make another trip to Washington's Vietnam memorial because seeing Hans' name on the wall was too much for her. Even with her closest friends, she still chokes up while talking about her son.

"What can I say … it's a wound that will never heal," she said.

Looking for comments on pavilion design

On June 26th, 2006, the Seward City Council will vote on the acceptance of the new Seward Waterfront Pavilions(s) design. These pavilions will replace the pavilions that were once located along the waterfront at Adams Street and Ballaine and at D Street and Ballaine.
The pavilion design is modeled after the historic Seward Depot located at Railway Avenue and 4th Avenue. This design will carry the railroad theme along the Seward Waterfront as it was during the early 1900’s. In fact the original Seward Depot was located at the base of Adams Street from 1917 to 1928 when it was moved to its current location along Railway Avenue. It seems only fitting to place pavilions modeling this important piece of Seward history along the waterfront including close proximity to the existing Seward Depot’s original location.
If you have any comments regarding the new pavilion design please contact the Seward Building and Engineering Department at 224-4049 or email at eleaders@cityofseward.net.

Yoly’s Bistro: international/Alaskan cuisine

Yoly's Bistro: international/Alaskan cuisine
By Dorene Lorenz
Special to the Seward Phoenix LOG

Classy, contemporary, with a bit of spunk, Yoly's Bistro is as sophisticated in its menu as its local art-inspired décor.
Master wood craftsman Richard Schmidt's sculptured, humpback-whale-tail door welcomes guests under the shingled orca artistry of Paul Paquette.

The happy, ochre-washed walls smile as they bring out the warm glow of Yoly's natural wood furniture. Of course, I am bias towards the current show of original Dorene Lorenz paintings of fanciful Seward animals.

Giving traditional Alaskan themes a modern twist is nothing new to owners Yolanda and Mark Ifflander. They transformed the historic location of Seward Drug at 220 Fourth Ave. into a relaxing eatery that is very family-friendly. Their four-year-old daughter spirits around like a forest fairy, shyly flashing her new teeth as she passes by the dinner crowd.

"The menu is a natural progression from Yoly’s Market and Deli," explains the soft-spoken Yolanda. "I have been gathering recipes all my life, and have wanted to incorporate Alaskan dishes with my interest in international foods. In some ways the menu is very self-centered. I grew up on a small farm in the Philippines. We always had fresh fruit, vegetables, fish, chickens, pigs. I grew up in that environment; you can’t get any more organic than that."

The Bistro's specialty burger, Johnny Cash, sounds anything but ordinary. Melted Swiss cheese, caramelized onions, and sautéed mushrooms top two burgers laid on artisan bread, dressed with roasted garlic mayo and a side of gaufrette potatoes, for $14. The rest of the sandwiches on the menu also sport an attitude -- Greenie Meanie, Jive Turkey, Groovin' Reuben, Mama Mia, and Bada Bing!

The Wasabi Halibut, a tender Alaskan filet crusted with wasabi-peanut mixture, basted with wasabi butter and served with a sweet wasabi aioli at $20, seems a bit hot for me, so I try a more delicate Alaskan-Asian fusion, the Roasted Lemongrass Chicken for $15.

The new wait staff is exceptionally friendly and attentive, but not quite in step with the kitchen. The jasmine tea is warm instead of hot, a trend that unfortunately is followed in the arrival of the main entrée.

The aroma of the Thai spices creates a welcome ambiance. The lemongrass supports the moist flavors of the chicken breast, enhanced by the subtle sweetness of jasmine rice. A delicious, savory romano-asiago ciabatta roll provides hearty balance to this light dish. Executive chef Isidra Castro-Gregory’s presentation is flawless.

Jim Pfeinffenberger's Mat-Valley Trash-style folk music receives a warm reception, especially when "Alice’s Restaurant" is transformed into "Yoly’s Restaurant."

Reggae royalty Prince Albert plays the June 17 grand opening.

A step above most restaurants in town, Yoly's makes their own desserts, presenting them like a rare jewel. The Florentine cannoli's exquisite Chamboard toffee Chantilly lace cylinders are ribboned with rich ruby raspberry coulis for $8. The beautiful Classical Napoleon's flaky puff pastry is heavily layered with ginger Bavarian creme, vanilla whipped cream, fresh berries, and sweet fondant, rising from a bed of crème Anglaise at $9.

Keri considers getting married

0700
MARRIED????

You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."

A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
"Husband Wanted"
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."

When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is
finished.

A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying."

A young son asked,
"Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."

Then there was a woman who said,
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late."

If you want your spouse to listen and
pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your
sleep.

ust think, if it wasn't for marriage, men would go through life
thinking they had no faults at all.

First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy remarks, "You're lucky. Mine's still alive."

AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!!

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine
children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus
arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine
kids are able to fit onto the bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while,
the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind
man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put
a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving
me crazy."

The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end
of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus ... so shut the hell up."

Misty Strikes at those Texas Blondes

Two Texan Sisters:

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in Ft Worth so that they can breed their own stock. They only have $600 left.

Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."

The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less.

After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word".

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1.00 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, "I want you to send her the word 'comfortable'".

The operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word "comfortable?"

The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word's big.

She'll read it very slowly ... com-for-da-bull.

Chinese Endeavor

Working on the downhill slide now in terms of numbers of paintings to go for the new Harbor Dinner Club.

The totally hot little Greek girl at Christo's Palace cornered me last night and asked why she didn't have any of my paintings hanging there, and promised me a wall. Is also looking at opening a "working man's meal" store in the harbor, and was looking for some color to go on those walls as well.

Looks like I am going to be hip deep in canvas for a while.

While I have been waiting for the paint to dry, have been getting media packages together for Midnight Blue Noon. Sent them out to Channel 2 and Channel 13, and the Alaska newspapers as well. Maria Downing called, cracking up when she discovered she was the subject of my pen. Big press from friends Outside to start the trickle down, but lets capture one market at a time, shall we?

I don't have any hopes of being a New York Times bestseller with this first effort, just happy to be able to make my way up the learning curve. My mentor, Edward Timperlake is doing amazingly well with his fourth effort which he just released last month, Showdown - Why China wants War with the United States.

Of course, Ed is a seasoned writer with amazing contact doing yet another piece on his favorite subject, China.

Book Description
Will the U.S. go to war with China over Taiwan or oil? Yes-bestselling authors Jed Babbin and Ed Timperlake say Chinese aggression is virtually inevitable and in their new book, Showdown, they address the threat of mainland China and Bush's promise to defend Taiwan-at any cost. Showdown offers indispensable strategies and tactics for the U.S. to respond to the Chinese military threat in this ongoing battle for democracy and freedom.

From the Inside Flap
Are CHINA and the UNITED STATES headed for WAR?
Yes, say bestselling authors Jed Babbin (former deputy undersecretary of defense) and Edward Timperlake (veteran defense analyst) in this riveting new book that takes you from the latest developments in China's quest to become a superpower to the possible battlefields of what might become World War III.

Babbin and Timperlake unveil China's aggressive military buildup (more rapid than that of Nazi Germany before World War II) and expose how China is engaging in a new Cold War aimed at expanding its commercial and military reach at the expense of the United States. Babbin (a former Air Force JAG) and Timperlake (a former Marine fighter pilot) do more than offer expert analysis. In dramatic Clancy-esque style, they take you into the field with Navy SEALs and Air Force bomber pilots, invite you inside the war councils at the White House and the Pentagon, and peer within China'’s own Politburo in an exciting —and all too likely —series of war scenarios.

In Showdown, Babbin and Timperlake reveal:

* The unholy alliance between Communist China and radical Islam —and a possible war over Middle Eastern oil
* How China is infiltrating Latin America —including oil-rich Venezuela —to create an anti-American axis
* How a Chinese attack on Taiwan could spark the biggest war in the Pacific since World War II
* The vulnerability of Japan and the United States to Chinese cyber-warfare
* The likelihood of a second Korean War . . . only this time, the madmen in North Korea have nuclear weapons

As Babbin and Timperlake make clear, China is the greatest and most dangerously ignored —threat to America'’s national security. If America does not deter China's aggressive ambitions, the result could be global war. Provocative, thrilling, and must-reading, Showdown is a wake-up call for America.

C'mon now

We were a little offended at the postcard that arrived in today's mail. We will grant that we belong to a group of uneducated ignoramus, but pul-ese give us SOME credit. We are not even going to discuss the highly inflammatory statements on the back written by someone hungry for drama and instead focus on the image they want burned in our brain.

Now the pink elephant plant is just in poor taste, considering that the developer in question has spent the better part of the last decade restoring Anchorage's pink elephant into a perfectly acceptable building complex in earthtones so tasteful even the snobby yuppies aren't complaining.

And that big dark cloud they HAD to Photoshop in because it doesn't exist over modern plants, the sponsors of the postcard - the Resurrection Bay Conservation Alliance - KNOW THAT. We are pretty sure they call that FALSE ADVERTISING, MISLEADING THE PUBLIC, and some (Dan) go so far to call it LYING IN A BRAZEN BALD-FACED MANNER.

Captain Dan is over my shoulder forcing the capital letters, one beer and he turns into a drama queen. But he does have a point. There are valid concerns that should be addressed in this proposition. False efforts such as this one make those valid concerns lose their credibility. The Resurrection Bay Conservation Alliance is doing a significant disservice to this community with their gay and lame theatrics. Please get them to stop so that we can focus on the serious concerns we should be looking at instead of all this fluffy posturing.

We warmed up Photoshop CS and shook the magic wand over their vision of Seward, doesn't ours look so much better? Landscaping and a great paint job make all the difference. The color of the plant is Ralph Lauren's Bleu durango from the Vintage Masters collection. VM144 Mr. Marlow. The invoice for our services will be in the mail as soon as we get your mailing address.

Pedro's first day...

New School Day

It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro
Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. "Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?' " She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand
up. "Patrick Henry, 1775."

"Very good!" apprised the teacher. "Now, who said, "Government Of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?"

Again, no response except from Pedro: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863." The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed! Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do!"

She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans!"
"Who said that?" she demanded.
Pedro put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836."
At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?"

Again, Pedro answered, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"

Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the teacher, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now, with almost a mob hysteria, teacher said, "You little shit. If
you say anything else, I'll kill you!"

Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001."

The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're in BIG trouble now!"
Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003."

Finally someone throws a eraser at Pedro, someone shouted "Duck"!

The Teacher, just waking, asked "Who said that?

Pedro: Dick Cheney 2006!

Kruzof Junior, Big Boy Toys

These two vessels just looked too good to pass up. Pride in ownership is strongly demonstrated, and the strength of the boats was a play in muscle flexing to see who was the bad boy of the corner. The Junior is a tug which I believe is owned by Andy Anderson of Anderson Tug and Barge.

M/V Kruzof is a commerical fishing vessel run by what is arguably the cutest couple in town Jim and Rhonda Hubbard, Margaret Anderson's daughter. When it was built the Kruzof was the lead vessel of a new generation freezer longliner design by Jensen Maritime Constants.

Got yet the zillionth scam letter, so I had my experts draft a reply for me. Will let you know if I hear anything back.

FROM: MR.CHEUNG PUI

(cheungp6_hk@yahoo.com.hk)

Dear Friend,

Let me start by introducing myself. I am Mr. Cheung Pui director of
operations of the Hang Seng Bank Ltd. I have a obscured business
suggestion for you.

Before the U.S and Iraqi war our client Major Fadi Basem who was with
the Iraqi forces and also business man made a numbered fixed deposit
for 18 calendar months, with a value of Twenty Four million Five
Hundred Thousand United State Dollars only in my branch. Upon maturity
several notice was sent to him, even during the war early this year.

Again after the war another notification was sent and still no response
came from him. We later find out that the Major and his family had been
killed during the war in bomb blast that hit their home.

After further investigation it was also discovered that Major Fadi
basem did not declare any next of kin in his official papers including
the paper work of his bank deposit. And he also confided in me the last
time he was at my office that no one except me knew of his deposit in
my bank.So, Twenty Four million Five Hundred Thousand United State
Dollar is still lying in my bank and no one will ever come forward to
claim it. What bothers me most is that according to the laws of my
country at the expiration 4 years the funds will revert to the
ownership of the Hong Kong Government if nobody applies to claim the
funds.

Against this backdrop, my suggestion to you is that I will like you as
a foreigner to stand as the next of kin to Major Fadi Basem so that you
will be able to receive his funds.

WHAT IS TO BE DONE:

I want you to know that I have had everything planned out so that we
shall come out successful. I have contacted an attorney that will
prepare the necessary document that will back you up as the next of kin
to Major Fadi Basem , all that is required from you at this stage is
for you to provide me with your Full Names and Address so that the
attorney can commence his job. After you have been made the next of
kin, the attorney will also fill in for claims on your behalf and
secure the necessary approval and letter of probate in your favor for
the move of the funds to an account that will be provided by you.

There is no risk involved at all in the matter as we are going adopt a
legalized method and the attorney will prepare all the necessary
documents. Please endeavor to observe utmost discretion in all matters
concerning this issue.

Once the funds have been transferred to your nominated bank account we
shall share in the ratio of 65% for me, 35% for you Should you be
interested please send me your full names and current residential
address and I will prefers you to reach me on the email address below

(cheungp6_hk@yahoo.com.hk)

And finally after that i shall provide you with more details of this
operation.

Your earliest response to this letter will be appreciated.

Kind Regards,
Mr.Cheung Pui

Dear Mr. Cheung Pui;

Heavens bless you for contacting me. I am the wife of the late Major Fadi Basem, and have been in the United States, afraid to go back because of the unrest in our homeland. I have his bank book, and bank statements from your bank, as well as legal paperwork he had notarized in the US embassy and then forwarded to me here. In his will he specificially stipulates that I am to be the benefactor of the account at your bank. Unfortunately, I was not able to contact your institution as the website and statements are all in Chinese, and no contact information if given on either the bank book or statements.

Now that you have written me, what a great sigh of relieve and wonderful weight of off my shoulders. Please meet me in Belgium with the money and I will happily pay you a reasonable fee for your services, and reinburse your travel expenses. I will have my attorney draft a memorandum of agreement that will allow you to be my courier for the drafts upon receipt of your acknowledgement and agreement.

There is a descrete little shop on Waterfront Avenue in the Capitol City, where we can make our exchange. I am sure you are familiar with the whorehouse your mother works in, lets meet there. I will be wearing a yellow flower in my hair, you wear really dark sunglasses and a white speedo that is completely bleached out. Go into the whorehouse and ask for a spanking.

Cannot wait to make your aquaintance.


Mrs. Basem

What is up with that?

I am doing a "soft" booksigning this weekend, to practice for a "real" one. So far it has been really helpful. Even with no advertising I have been selling a book every twenty minutes. Which means I hang out at my little table with my stack of books for ten minutes like a total geek, chat with a total stranger who has a different set of questions than the person before, sign a book, then start the whole cycle over again.

A dry run has been useful. It has assisted me in formulating decent answers to people's questions. I am confident the first couple didn't want a half hour lecture on "what is the book about?" - the two minute answer I came up with an hour later seems to make people happy, "An Alaskan adventure story with really quirky characters and events - like Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil meets up with Twin Peaks in Alaska and Mr. Whitekeys is editing."

It was nice that Jonathon came down from Anchorage with one of his cool friends and did a short reading. Of course, he chose to read a sex scene since we were sitting in a candy shop filled with sailors and cruise ship tourists from Wisconsin. That turned a few heads.

Locals are always amused to discover that I have used a number of Seward people as characters, only changing names to protect the guilty. The innocent are on their own. Only half the lies are true anyway, so those who read it have a fun time determining who really did what where.

I figured out that I need to add the word "Alaskan" or "Seward" before the word Author on my signage, and make the poster much larger to fit the sign board. And Iris and Sara Nan insist I need a better photo. Funky thing is there is not a lot ofverbiagee on the signage, and since the sign board is in my direct view out the window, I get to watch people as they react to the signage. Most glance and walk by, some ignore it entirely. Without fail, if a woman stops to read it she will come in an purchase a book.

Men, on the other hand, spend an amazing amount of time staring at the sign (they could have read the book by the time they were done) and then step around to look at the other side, talk amongst themselves, and then continue walking down the sidewalk. I don't know what that is all about, but I am curious to find out.

Misty gets Mean

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they're plugged into a genius)

2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don't have enough time)

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)

4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)

5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties)

6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don't know.....it never happened)

And my personal favorite:

8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)

Justice at the Harbor Dinner Club

Allison Hill and Lane Tucker have moved the Harbor Dinner Club to the space with the amazing view above what was formerly known as the Elks Club at 139 West Fourth Avenue in Seward, Alaska. For approximately the next month my latest works, Seward Harbor Scenes, will be on display as the come available.

I say as they come available because I haven't finished painting them yet. I have started them, so that is a bonus. They are all 16" x 20" on stretched canvas and will be selling at $500 USD. I did some study photos in the habor last week, and from them selected a wide range of vessels.

The first finished was the second most difficult subject, a sideview of a sailboat named "Justice." I have never been on a sail boat, am very unfamiliar with the lines, so this was a real challenge. I am by no means a realistic painter, but I would like the finished product to be somewhat reflective of the subject.

We stuck her over the fireplace in the entry of the restaurant, stop by, take a look, tell me what you think. I haven't painted boats in years so this is a real challenge, a fun challenge.