Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Busy Little Bee


In my attempts to learn the magic language of html (with a great deal of assistance from Blog Gods around the world) I have added some new content that it not obvious at first glance.

All of the e-mails I have been holding in my City of Seward folder have now been deposited into my forum. To access it click on the button on the left.

There are a couple pages of different subjects, so don't be dismayed if you aren't immeidately finding the nugget you are looking for...turn the page.

I tried my best to keep them in date order so you can follow events as they transpire.

Unfortunately I was doing this early in the morning, my brain doesn't really work well first thing in the morning, so I didn't think to add the actual posting date in the subject line until it was way to late.

Will continue to add on to these topics as content arrives. Don't be shy about adding your comments directly. I am unable to upload pictures/scanned letters into this forum. Will post those on www.dorenelorenz.com when I unbury the avalanche that has hit my desk.

Dorene

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Questions from a Totally Californian Co-ed


1. What is your occupation? Muse

2. What color is your underwear? Black

3. What are you listening to right now? Eagles, hell freezes over

4. What was the last thing you ate? Chocolate chip cookie and whole milk

5. Do you wish on stars? Only the North star

6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Prussian blue

7. How is the weather right now? Blue sky and sunshine, forecast sez rain

8. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Brother

9. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Adore her

10. How old are you today? 40 (ugh!)

11. Favorite drink? Chocolate malt

12. Favorite sport to watch? Steeplechase

13. Have you ever dyed your hair? See post on my orange hair

14. Do you wear contacts or glasses? No! Thank gawd for Dr. Sean McCafferty of Tucson. He rocks.

15. Pets? Aspiring

16. Favorite month? August

17 . Favorite food? Alaskan king crab

18. What was the last movie you watched? Human Stain ****

19. Favorite day of the year? New Years

20. What do you do to vent anger? Throw rocks at water

21. What was your favorite toy as child? Water tank on Dona boat (my trusty steed)

22. Fall or Spring? Fall rocks, although I yearn for spring more

23. Hugs or kisses? Both

24. Cherry or Blueberry? Both if they are fresh and ripe

25. Do you want your friends to email you back? Only if it is entertaining

26. Who is most likely to respond? Keri

27. Who is least likely to respond ? Don't know

28. Living arrangements? Living out of my suitcase, year three

29. When was the last time you cried? Yesterday

30. What is on the floor of your closet? Shoes

31. Who is the friend you have had the longest? Still have a gang from elementary school, and Walt Blondin from next door

34. What did you do last night? Waited around like an asshole for someone who never showed up

35. What are you afraid of? Big crawly bugs, snakes

36. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? Extra cheese on that well-done burger please

37. Favorite car? Boxster

38. How many keys on your key ring? I have two with a dozen on each, but just got my first house key three days ago

39. How many years at your current job? 5

41. Favorite day of the week? Saturday

Monday, August 29, 2005

Flicka Red is a Carnie


I don't know why I didn't see this one coming. It is not that wild of a ride.

Casmir was advising how the fortune teller told her that she was going to have two daughters, get married between 25-27, and be a model when Sara Nan piped up that she knew how to read Tarot Cards.

She learned it from a gypsy when she was a carnie.

Didn't bat an eye at this one.

Our redheaded friend advised that when she was a small child she ran away from home to the local amusements family, the Mortons. Now I recall Jackie Morton from high school, she was a year older than me and was drop-dead gorgeous with an amazing singing voice to boot. Her family owned Golden Wheel Amusements.

Same family. Apparently Sara's mother wasn't particularly bothered by the fact that she ran away from home - she drove over her toothbrush and a change of clothes and made her sleep in the Morton house.

"But", Sara advises with the voice of great mystery," before my mother busted me the old gypsy taught me to read tarot cards and she told me that you have to be given cards - you can't just buy them"

I asked if it would be okay if I bought the cards and gave them to her. She thought about it for a split second and suggested that would be fine. Stay tuned for more details once the snow flies and we get bored.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Deborah gets Dogged Again



Woman faces big fine over small dogs

ANNOYANCE: Neighbors gripe about 18 pooches kept at city home.

By KYLE HOPKINS
Anchorage Daily News

Published: August 27, 2005
Last Modified: August 27, 2005 at 01:30 AM


WASILLA -- A woman who says she keeps 18 purebred Shetland sheepdogs at her south Wasilla home faces hundreds of dollars in fines over her refusal to remove most of the small dogs.


Thursday night, an animal control officer issued Deborah Luper several citations, totaling $520 in fines and filing fees.

"This is, to be really frank, a stunning development. Right out of left field," Luper said.

Animal protection administrator Cat Bullington of Houston said the tickets are for "animal annoyance" -- as in, annoying the neighbors -- along with failures to register the sheltie dogs, to get a kennel permit, to immunize one or more of the dogs for rabies and to comply with the original, written order for bringing the kennel in line with city codes.

Luper says she will appeal.

The Houston animal safety and protection department, which handles animal control duties in Wasilla, told Luper earlier this year that city law allows only three dogs per household.

Bullington said neighbors continue to complain regularly about the kennel, calling it noisy and smelly.

The city has denied her previous appeal and requests for a kennel. Luper isn't going quietly, she said, and, apparently, neither are her dogs.

The city of Wasilla also planned, as of Friday afternoon, to deliver a letter telling Luper she is still breaking city rules. The letter paves the way for a citation, which could take the case to court.

A court order would be necessary before the city or animal control could remove the dogs from Luper's home.

She says the city and animal control officers gave her mixed messages, first telling her lawyer they would extend the August deadline for getting rid of the dogs, then saying no extension was ever approved.

Bullington said she merely told Luper's lawyer, Ken Jacobus, that an extension was possible. After hearing recent complaints from neighbors and looking at the evidence, she said, the department decided to move ahead with the citations.

"Our goal is not to push her or rush her out," Bullington said. "We just want to work with her and make sure everybody is happy in this mess."

Luper works for Matanuska Electric Association. She was once a district chairwoman of the Republican Party, president of the Eagle River Community Council and a founder of the Christian Coalition of Alaska.

She enters her shelties in competitions and refers to them as her family.

But the dogs created a rift this year in her neighborhood. The Wasilla planning office fielded at least 20 objection letters when Luper applied for a kennel permit. Neighbors say it's bad for property values and groundwater to have so many animals in an area where it's not allowed by the city or subdivision covenants.

Luper has talked about trying to get the Wasilla city code changed. She hopes to see a special "hobby" kennel permit created, allowing people who raise purebreds like her shelties to own more than three dogs within city limits.

City planner Sandra Garley said Luper hasn't filed any request for such a change, but Luper says she's part of a group launching a petition to allow hobby kennels.

Wyatt Weinstein, who lives next door to Luper and worries the dog yard is too close to his well, said that while Luper hasn't given up on keeping the dogs, many of her neighbors aren't exactly lying down either.

"Everybody's been keeping on it, just trying to make sure that the city of Wasilla and animal control are going to follow through," he said.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Psycho Freaks Abound


Earlier this summer I asked Sara Nan to take a headshot for my bookcover.

Midnight is a Dark Velvet Blue, so is Noon - coming out in December 2005, Publish America.

Yeah, like that wasn't total stupidity on my part. Understand that I had a deadline and it was Sara or my ten-year-old daughter taking the shot.

Sara has aspirations of being a Playboy photographer, I quickly discovered. She took some shots just before sunset, zipped over to the Grande Alaskan Lodge, borrowed the cook's laptop to convert them to CD, then buzzed the pix over to me.

That is the background, this is the weirdness.

Captain Mikey is shelping around the lodge and discovers that the cook has used one of my photos as his screen saver. Mikey finds this a bit disturbing on several levels. He doesn't believe that the cook has ever met me and, even if cook had met me before, Mikey is really confused as to where these photos came from, how they ended up on cook's laptop and why cook would use such a photo for his screen saver.

Mikey mentions this to Sara Nan, who explains how the photos got on the laptop, and does recall that cook has met me on several occasions. In fact, cook, Mikey, Sara and myself once went to the movies together in our jammies.

This gets Captain Mikey thinking evil thoughts. He devises a scheme where Sara finds every photo of me that she can, and blows them up to large proportions so that Mikie can make a Dorene shrine complete with candles and newspaper clippings in his room.

Sara was to then devise a reason (left my sweater) for me to go into Mikie's room, discover the shrine, then come out to find Mikey and his laptop sitting on the couch with a creepy look on his face.

Sara decided that this scheme was frickin' hilarious, but way to much work, so she just told me the details instead. Mikey was greatly disappointed.

The things that boys come up with when fishing season is coming to a close, their internet girlfriend dumps them, and it starts raining daily. Mikey mentioned that he and cook are going to go in for twin Russian brides together...some two-for-one special on a website they found. That way they only have to support one set of parents.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Dona Walker reveals six-year old Wisdom


A primary school teacher collected well known proverbs.

She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.

It's hard to believe these were actually done by 6 year-olds,

Strike while the ..........................insect is close.

Never underestimate the power of............ants.

Don't bite the hand that.........looks dirty.

Better to be safe than......................punch an older boy.

If you lie down with dogs, you'll...........stink in the morning.

It's always darkest before..................Daylight-Saving Time.

You can lead a horse to water but...........how?

No news is..................................impossible.

A miss is as good as a......................Mr.

You can't teach an old dog new..............maths.

Love all, trust.............................me.

The pen is mightier than the................pigs.

An idle mind is.............................the best way to relax.

Where there's smoke there's.................pollution.

Happy is the bride who......................gets all the presents.

A penny saved is............................not much.

Two's company, three's......................the Musketeers.

Don't put off till tomorrow what............you put on to go to bed.

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and..........you have to blow your nose.

There are none so blind as..................Stevie Wonder.

Children should be seen and not.............smacked or grounded.

If at first you don't succeed...............get new batteries.

You get out of something only what you......see in the picture on the box.

When the blind leadeth the blind............get out of the way.

Better late than............................pregnant!
Filed in:

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Way Cool Girlfriend runs the Numbers


Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100% ?

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%.

How about achieving 103%?

What makes your life's effort add up to 100% ?

Here's a little math that might prove helpful.


If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%

K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%

But,

A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%

And,

B U L L S H I T
2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%

So, it stands to reason that hard work and knowledge will get you close,
attitude will get you there, but bullshit will put you over the top.

And look how far ass kissing will take you.

A S S K I S S I N G
1 19 19 11 9 19 19 9 14 7= 127 %
Filed in:

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Senator John McCain Global Warms My Beach


This is not an innocent picture. It is completely staged. It was a field example of why Sara Nan would starve being paparazzi.

It began simple enough. Senators McCain and Clinton came to Seward to peek at our glaciers.

They seem to have an issue with global warming. Brings to mind a time when Greenpeace placed a large "Global Warming is Coming" banner across the street from BP in Anchorage a few years ago.

General response from Alaskans: GLOBAL WARMING - BRING IT ON!! BE ENVIRO FRIENDLY - RECYCLE DINOSAURS!

Was eating dinner at Rays Waterfront with my aunts and uncle when my mother's neighbor, a beautiful, intelligent clever gal who poses as a real estate agent in the winter - but waits tables in the summer for entertainment purposes - stopped by to tip me off as to the patrons in the corner table. Hillary, in a cobalt blue top, and John who was wearing a brown leather jacket, and their herd of staff and hangers-on.

My aunt and uncle from mid-America started geeking out a little bit that they were eating in the same restaurant as senators. My village aunt, who has been mayor three or four times, was less impressed but didn't fail to acknowledge that she only takes us to the best places. (When they asked I let them know that our waitress had a French accent because she actually was from France, and was just slumming here for the summer.)

It was my intention to hook up with Maestro George Hanson's brother and sister-in-law, who had been visiting Seward for a week already and were staying only a couple blocks away. I have had so much family in town/events going on that my social calendar is crazy. I stopped by Sara Nan's just to drop off an address list of Congressman Don Young's Alaska Sealife Invitational participants so she could mail out their photos. Sara is only a few houses away from the Maestro's brother.

Captain Mike was there, broken-hearted because his beloved internet girlfriend had unceremoniously dumped him. "Too busy for a relationship." I told him that translated to "old boyfriend just re-appeared in my life and you live 125 miles away." He looked very depressed and advised Sara had told him the same thing. He announced that he was going to send a dozen red roses to her office and propose - just to get back at her. Poor boy, he REALLY was having a great time with this girl. Best relationship he ever had with a girl, ever. Maybe she will get even with him and say "yes."

Back to the beach story. I mention to Captain Mike, in passing, about the senators at Rays. Sara immediately changes from her Tweedy Bird jammies into street clothes and has me speed away to Rays so she can get a money shot for our little new monthly on-line newspaper.

http://www.dorenelorenz.com/home/homepages/writer/writerpages/segpages/seward_gateway.html

I know, it is a difficult address - Sara is in charge of getting us a real one so that we don't have to link off of my website.

On the way to Rays I mention that on my way out of the restaurant I noticed Shauna Ramerez, who I didn't care to speak to. Another story for another day, it isn't pretty. I explained details to Sara, Sara agreed it was the best choice and she would be happy to provide screening service if she could manage to withhold her tongue. Sara also offered to kick her ass.

We park, I see Shauna on walking towards us in a group, decide to put my keys in Sara's backpack so I could avoid eye contact. Shauna walks into Sara, who stops, and Shauna offers me condolences for my Grandmother's death - which was really kind of her. I thanked her and saw that as we were investing these moments in Shauna our prey was walking out the door of Rays and away they went. Note to self: SARA SUCKS AT SCREENING.

Sara searched the restaurant desperately. They were all gone, missed them by moments. Drove up and down the street, nothing. Ice cream, I suggested. They are getting ice cream and there is only two places in town to get it. Sara didn't believe me. She rang up Louie-who-knows-everything-and-everyone, she literally caught him sleeping on this one. Called Cork, no private planes or helicopters had landed at the airport today. To late to drive to Anchorage - that meant they were somewhere in town.

We parked at Brown & Hawkins, just down from the Channel 2 News van. Sara noticed them cruising around town yesterday, but thought they might just be covering the Salmon Derby. Not in Sweet Darlings getting the best ice cream in town. New Seward Saloon, I suggested. Not there. Wait, wait, wait. Conspicuously dressed guys with vans at the Edgewater.

I talked Sara into going inside, but could not talk her into paying money for a bad expresso. "They aren't coming," she sulked. "My heart's not into it anymore. You have ruined my life. I am never meeting John McCain and I adore him. He is an American Hero and America is vey short on heros."

Now she was grumpy because she wanted McCain to sign her book, and she had just given it to her son so it was no longer at her house. Pouting, Sara walked across the parking lot back towards our vehicle. I spun around. There was the group we were looking for making their way to the beach. If only we had gotten that expresso we would have been perfectly poised for the shot she wanted. NOTE: SARA SUCKS AT STALKING.

We drove past the running secret service guys into the parking lot by our targets, Sara jumped out and made nice with McCain. She never got the candid shot for our little paper. By the time I parked the rig (I really suck at parking) they were best friends and a Pulitzer prize winning photog (or so they billed him) was set to take the shot above. I slid in at the last minute. NOTE: SARA SUCKS AT BEING PAPARAZZI.

After making it very clear that the Arizona Wildcats were the most important thing that Arizona's senator and I could bond on (he actually did UofA-Wildcats! cheers with me as we walked down the street - which scored some bonus points), we left them to make their way to Fourth Avenue and the best ice cream in town.

In the car Sara was giddy, "I don't know what was cooler - that I got to finally meet John McCain, who is my hero, or that we completely snubbed Hillary Clinton. I am going to have to call my mom, she is going to love this. I never read her book so I don't need her signature."

Addendum: After speaking to Iris Darling, proprietor of Sweet Darlings and Brown & Hawkins we got some new intel. Apparently McCain approved highly of the coal stained wood floors at the Merchantile, and Clinton declared Brown & Hawkins the "most beautiful building she has ever been in." Should have had Clinton hire my decorating talent for the West Wing.

Way Cool Girlfriend considers Quantas


After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident. .... Enjoy!



P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

Round Island Walrus Live Feed




I've added a new link button "Live Walrus," that you are going to want to check out.

It takes you to the Alaska Sealife Center's live camera-satellite uplink feed of a Pacific walrus haulout on Round Island.

This video stream is brought to you courtesy of the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, Alaska Coastal Conservation Grant Program, Pacific Walrus Conservation Fund, National Park Service, National Natural Landmark program, Alaska Sealife Center, National Fish and Wildlife Foundation, and the Alaska Department of Fish and Game.

Monitoring population levels and conducting research on Pacific walrus is difficult due to their pelagic habits and the remote locations of their haulout sites. Monitoring the use of their terrestrial haulouts can provide an index to population changes; however, due to large fluctuations in haulout use, near constant monitoring is required to account for variability. Using onsite personnel to provide this level of constant monitoring is time-intensive and expensive resulting in an incomplete picture of the use of haulouts.

The stream sponsors find that efforts to promote education and conservation programs on a little understood species, or a species rarely encountered by the general public, are usually much more effective when the species is more accessible to public viewing. In North America, the Pacific walrus only inhabits the remote areas of the Bering and Chukchi seas. Only those people that live in the remote villages of this region, and the few visitors that venture to the isolated haulouts, are privileged enough to observe walrus firsthand. On smell the walrus firsthand. It is my understanding that these haulouts carry a very distinct urine odor.

Those lucky few have created an Eskimo Walrus Commission (EWC) which encourages the self regulation of walrus hunting and management of walrus stock by Alaska Natives who use and need walrus to survive. Created in 1978 by Kawarak of Nome, the EWC represents Alaska's coastal communities. Initially formed as a consortium of Native hunters, EWC is a recognized statewide entity working on resource co-management issues on behalf of Alaska Natives as it continues to be an essential cultural, natural, and subsistence resource to the Alaskan Yupik and Inupiaq communities. Walrus is a primary resource of food for Alaska Natives, and hunt byproducts are used to produce handicrafts and artwork.

EWC works with the Bristol Bay Native Association's Qayassiq Walrus Commission for the monitoring os subsidence walrus hunts at the featured Round Island, and sponsors a summer youth internship program for high school students interested in biology and natural resources.

Through a cooperative agreement between the US and Russian governments, EWC also works with the Chukotkan Native coastal communities who participate in the harvest, conservation, and sound management of the Pacific walrus.

In 1972, the Marine Mammals Protection Act (MMPA) set a moratorium on taking (hunting, capturing, or killing) walrus in US waters. However, Alaska Natives were granted an exemption, allowing them to harvest marine mammals for traditional subsistence purposed.

A cooperative agreement between the US Fish & Wildlife Service and EWC was developed in 1997 to encourage subsistence hunters participation in conserving and managing walrus stocks in the coastal communities. Together they conduct biannual meetings of commission members who represent 18 communities; monitor subsistence walrus hunts on Round Island; collect detailed walrus harvest data and biological samples; record walrus harvest data through the federally mandated marking, tagging, reporting program; gather culture-based traditional knowledge; and work with communities to become more proactive in 'co-management' of the walrus population.

EWC is joined with other Alaska Native co-management organizations, such as the Nanuuq Commission, to form the Indigenous Peoples' Council for Marine Mammals (IPCoMM). Organized in 1991, IPCoMM is a statewide body comprised of 15 Native Marine Mammal Commissions and Councils working together to enhance coordination of statewide marine mammal issues.

Alaska member communities include Barrow, Brevig Mission, Clarks Point, Gambell, Kivalina, King Island, Kotzebue, Kwigillingok, Little Diomede, Mekoryuk, Nome, Point Hope, Savoonga, Shishmaref, Stebbins, Unalakleet, Wainwright, and Wales.

For more information contact the Eskimo Walrus commission at ewc.pd@kawerak.org.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Misty Jo Ponders Fruit



"Life is either a daring adventure, or it is nothing." Helen Keller

Women....

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree.

Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy.

The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Now Men....

Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
Filed in:

Monday, August 15, 2005

Hell-o Sailor Boy




Started my day being led around by the very charming Commanding Officer of the US Russell, Commander James W. Kilby and his Executive Officer, J.D. Cox.

Would have been more entertaining if it were just the three of us, but I was part of a pack of politicians being shown the nooks and crannies of this big boat that we own.

I can verify that the "Haze Gray" that the 505 foot destroyer is painted helps it blend in, the morning was foggy and I literally could not make out this mongo boat in the harbor. They took us stem to stern, top to bottom and told us more than I could ever remember. Sitting in one of the chairs in the war room with a panel in front of me that has made more than one widow was a humbling experience.

For those of you who are wanting details, I provided all the public information about the Russell available on the official Navy website below. What they don't tell you...yes, I am about to blab a secret here, is that this little lady is Hawaiian through and through. Where ever practical, the spirit of Local Motion warms up the interior.

You would have never guessed that the Mess Hall would be a sunset orange with a large mural of the beach taking up an entire wall. The Hawaiian chief has been stationed in Pearl Harbor for his entire military career. Two cups of rice with breakfast, two cups of rice with lunch, a little poi on the side of dinner. You get the idea.

Command Master Chief C.L. Smith, who bills himself as the oldest man in the Navy, met us in the hall just outside the Mess. I think he has a second job as the ship public relations officer, either that or he is truly smitten with my little neck of the woods.

Most of the staff were either from Hawaii or Texas. No one on-board was from Alaska, or had ever been to Alaska before. Smith advised that Alaska should have been the 50th state, and Hawaii the 49th - because he has been all over the world and to his mind the breathtaking beauty of our region overwhelms the other states. He even went so far as to suggest that Alaska was more beautiful than Hawaii, which really shocked me because we all know that Hawaii is drop dead gorgeous.

The primary mission of USS Russell (DDG-59) is to destroy enemy aircraft, missiles, submarines, surface ships, and land targets in order to prevent the employment of such forces against U.S. forces. Russell is normally assigned to a carrier battle group. She will bring significant capabilities to the battle force, carrying the latest technology in all areas of modern warfare. Russell is in Alaska as part of our Northern Edge exercises, and will be running up and down the Aleutian Islands soon.

Commander Kilby explained that since they are home ported in Pearl Harbor they do most of their training between the islands - which affords them ample view of humpback and grey whales doing their thing. He suggested that the crew was enthusiastic when killer whales were seen off their bow as they approached Resurrection Bay, and everyone was soon on deck with their camera. They are hoping todays fog will burn off so that the can tour the glaciers on their way out.

The ship's combat system, better known as the "AEGIS" Combat system, is the backbone of her war fighting capability. It takes a total team effort, from every corner of the ship to fully employ her systems in combat. The Russell was designed to defeat simultaneous attacks involving large numbers of enemy surface ships, submarines, aircraft, and missiles. Their mission is to fight, survive, win, and fight again!

Russell (DD 414) was laid down 20 December 1937 by the Newport News Shipbuilding & Dry Dock Co., Newport News, VA. The ship was launched 8 December 1938 and sponsored by Mrs. Charles H. Marshall (nee Brooke Russell), granddaughter of Rear Admiral Russell for whom DD 414 was named. The ship was commissioned 3 November 1939, LCDR J.C. Pollock in command, two months after the outbreak of World War II in Europe. Her initial duty was the Neutrality Patrol in western Atlantic and Caribbean.

Shortly after the bombing of Pearl Harbor, Russell was ordered to the Pacific Fleet. On 1 February 1942, Russell screened Yorktown (CV 5) as her planes raided Makin, Mili and Jaluit. After a short stay in Pearl Harbor, Russell covered forces establishing an air base on Canton Island. Russell next joined Lexington (CV 2) and aided aircraft returning from bombing runs against newly established Japanese bases on the Huon Gulf.

After screening Lexington in the Anzac area throughout April, Russell detached on 3 May to provide protection for the tanker Neosho during fueling operations with Task Force 11. Russell joined Task Force 17 on 5 May. Two days later, Russell participated in the Battle of Coral Sea, engaging numerous aircraft which threatened Yorktown and Lexington. During the battle, Lexington was badly damaged by torpedo plane and dive bomber attack and was lost; Yorktown was heavily damaged, but survived. Russell rescued 170 survivors from Lexington and then returned to Pearl Harbor for three days before joining Task force 16 and 17 to meet the enemy at Midway. On 4 June, she provided defense against an ongoing air attack on the patched-up Yorktown. Yorktown was eventually lost after a long pounding from torpedo planes; Russell rescued 492 of Yorktown's crew and returned to Pearl Harbor.

Russell sortied again with Task Force 17 on 17 August 1942, screening Hornet (CV 8). On 6 September, while conducting a continuous submarine search. Russell gained subsurface contact and dropped depth charges. An oil slick a mile long and half a mile wide appeared on the surface, and contact with the enemy submarine was lost.

Throughout the remainder of 1942, Russell continued to operate in support of the Guadalcanal campaign. On 25 and 26 October 1942, while participating in the Battle of the Santa Cruz Islands, Russell again took part in carrier rescue operations, saving nearly 500 crew members from the stricken Hornet. After stopping in Noumea for repairs to her superstructure which was damaged during the daring rescue. Russell escorted convoys to Guadalcanal, Tulagi and Australia. During December and throughout January 1943, she screened convoys to Guadalcanal and Tulagi, and then to Rennel. In February, she screened Enterprise and then escorted convoys to Australia and back.

On 1 May 1943, Russell set sail for Mare Island, California for overhaul. At the end of July, Russell completed overhaul and steamed north to join forces staging for the "invasion" of Kiska. After Aleutian patrol duty and escort duty for landing craft and transports, she joined troop transports off the coast of Betio, Tarawa, screening heavy units shelling the shoreline. She provided gunfire support and screened transports as they filled with Marine casualties. Russell next proceeded to the Marshall Islands and then to California. On 13 January, Russell left California and escorted Task Group 53.5, stopped in Hawaii for training, and headed west. Russell next conducted gunfire support missions and screened heavy units off the coast of Kwajalein, and afterwards returned to Pearl Harbor before being directed on to Puget Sound for repairs.

In March of 1944, with repairs complete, Russell returned to Hawaii and, from there, served as escort for units proceeding to New Guinea where she rejoined Destroyer Squadron Two. Upon reporting, she commenced an extremely difficult five month LST escort duty off the navigationally demanding coast of new Guinea. On 27 May, Russell shelled Padiator Island, patrolled between Pai and Pandiadori Islands, blasted targets on Biak, and was underway to return to Humboldt Bay. In June, Russell provided cover for heavy units in operations at Biak and Wakde. She also participated in the bombardment of the Toem area, then resumed escort runs along the coast. After more gunfire support duty, Russell participated in Operation "Globetrotter," the capture of Sansapor.

After duty in the Philippines, Talcloban, Alabat Point, San Pedro Bay, Leyte Gulf, and New Guinea, Russell departed for Aitape on 28 December to participate in the invasion of Luzon. On 7 January 1945, she joined three other destroyers in forming an interceptor force to destroy any enemy ship attempting a sortie against the convoy from Manila Bay. At 2230 the enemy destroyer Hinoki was detected and fired upon. Twenty minutes later, Hinoki sank.

On the 9th of January, Russell assumed screening duties off the Lingayen Gulf. For nine long days she patrolled, illuminated, and fought off kamikazes. From the 18th to the 23rd, she escorted damaged ships back to Leyte and subsequently saw duty off Nasugbu point and Lingayen Gulf. Russell returned to Leyte on the 2nd of February and proceeded to New Guinea and then to the Solomons. Next, Russell sailed for Guadalcanal, arriving 15 February 1945 for Operation "Iceberg," the Okinawa offensive.

After service off of the Hagushi beaches and Kerama Retto, Russell detached 28 May for the United States for overhaul. While in the shipyard in Seattle, the war ended in the Pacific. Russell ended her unmatched, sustained service with a decommissioning service on the 15th of November 1945. Her arduous sea duty took its toll on the ship's condition and she was subsequently sold for scrap to National Metal & Steel Corp.

Russell earned an extraordinary 16 battle stars for her service in World War II, and was the distinguished as the most decorated destroyer in WW2. Today, her namesake carries on rich tradition the original Russell. She is ten years old, already fighting seven years longer than her predecessor.


The Russell is named for two figures in US military history.

Rear Admiral John Henry Russell was appointed a midshipman on 10th of September 1841. As a junior officer, he served in ships such as Cyane and United States in the Pacific, St. Mary's in the Gulf of Mexico, the store ship Relief, the mail steamer Georgia, various other ships of the North Pacific Exploring Expedition, in Vincennes as navigator when she made her cruise into the Arctic, and in the Wabash in the Mediterranean.

RADM Russell is most famous for his Civil War heroics in Pensacola Harbor. In command of four small boats, then LT Russell passed through the heavy pounding of shore batteries. After his own coxswain was shot, he grabbed the tiller of his boat and led 100 men to the Confederate Privateer Judah. He and his men then jumped to the deck of Judah and destroyed it by fire. For his actions he received the following commendation from the Secretary of the Navy:

" An expedition, executed in the face of an enemy so much superior in numbers, with such brilliancy gallantry and success, can not pass without the special recognition of the Department. To those who were engaged in it, not only the Department, but the whole country, it is indebted for one of the brightest pages in that has adorned our naval record during this rebellion. Indeed, it may be placed, without disparagements, side by side with the fairest that adorn our early naval history. "The expedition will give renown, not only to those who were immediately concerned in it, but to the Navy itself--it will inspire others in the service to emulation--its recital hereafter will thrill the heart with admiration. "The Department will cherish the recollection of the exploit, and desires you to express to the officers, seamen and marines who participated in it, its highest admiration of their conduct."

As a reward for this brilliant enterprise, LT Russell was given command of the gunboat Kennebec in which he rendered distinguished war service for eight months on the Mississippi River, especially in operations resulting in the passage of Farragut's fleet past Forts Jackson and St. Philip. He further participated in the first engagements at Grand Gulf, Port Houston, Baton Rouge and Vicksburg. The Kennebec was subsequently employed under Russell on blockade duty on the Gulf Coast. Following the Kennebec, he commanded the steamer Pontiac with the South Atlantic Blockading Squadron, served on ordnance duty at Washington and commanded Cyane, the same ship on which he served as a midshipman.

After the Civil War, his duties were at the naval yards at Norfolk and Mare Island, and in command of the USS Ossippe on the pacific Coast. In September 1870, after the Ossippee rode out a hurricane, she went in search of the boats of the steamer Continental which had foundered off the coast of lower California. The lives of a number of the Continental crew were saved. Following the Ossippe, Capt. Russell commanded USS Plymouth, North Atlantic Squadron and commanded USS Powatan, special duty.

After serving several years at the Washington Navy Yard and at the Navy Department, RADM Russell served as Commandant of the Mare island Navy Yard from 1883 to 1886. He retired from active service on the 27th of August 1886 and died on the 1st of April, 1897.

Major General John Henry Russell was born in California on the 14th of November, 1872. He was appointed to the United States Naval Academy by President Cleveland in May 1888 and graduated in June 1892. On July 1st, 1894, after two years at sea, he passed his final examinations and was commissioned a Second Lieutenant in the United States Marine Corps.

In 1896, he joined the USS Massachusetts, North Atlantic Squadron. During the Spanish-American War he served in Massachusetts in blockading operations around the West Indies and in the bombardment of Santiago, Cuba.

Duty in USS Yosemite was followed by assignments on Guam, and in command of the Marine Detachment, USS Oregon. His next shore duty was as an instructor at the school for young officers established at the Marine Barracks, Annapolis, Maryland. After duty at the Marine Barracks, Honolulu, T. H., he was ordered to command the Marines stationed at Camp Elliot, Panama Canal Zone.

In September 1908, he joined the Naval War College, Newport, Rhode Island, for staff duty until 1910. It was during this tour of service that the "applicatory method" of instruction was put into effect.

He commanded the Marine Detachment, American Legation, Peking, China, from November 14th, 1910 to April 30th, 1913. The change in the Chinese government from an empire to a republic, which took place during this period, and the attendant disorders in and around Peking made this tour of duty particularly interesting and challenging.

After commanding various Marine Corps Regiments, in 1917 he was detached and ordered to the Republic of Haiti to command the Marine Brigade serving in that country. After showing superior leadership, in 1922 he was appointed American High Commissioner to Haiti with the rank of Ambassador Extraordinary by the U.S. Senate. General Russell served with distinction in Haiti as High Commissioner until November 1930.

Upon his return to the United States he was assigned to duty as Commanding General, Marine Corps Base, San Diego, California, and was transferred to command the Marine Barracks Quantico, Virginia in December 1931. He was detailed to Assistant to the Major General Commandant at Headquarters Marine Corps in February 1933. General Russell was appointed Commandant of the Marine Corps on the 1st of March, 1934; he remained on that duty until he reached the statutory age limit in November 1936.

While in service for the Corps and his country, Major General Russell was a major contributor to the development of the Fleet Marine Force and the doctrine that governs its load-out scheme, equipment, tactics, techniques and organization that proved decisive in World War II.

In addition to numerous letters of commendation during his long and varied career, General Russell was awarded the Navy Cross, Distinguished Service Medal, Haitian Medaille Militaire, West Indies (Sampson) Medal, Spanish Campaign Medal, Expeditionary Medal with West Indies Clasp and the Haitian Campaign Medal.

General Russell died in Coronado, California the 6th of March, 1947. He was interred in the Arlington National Cemetery.

Republican Moderates Score a Victory



This just in from Disco Ray.

Alaska’s Republican Party has developed a veracious appetite for trampling all over your, and every Alaskan's constitutional rights. Alaska's Republican Moderate Party, which is no relation to the Republican Party, has a made a hobby out of doing something about it. To see a complete list of lawsuits we have won on your behalf, go to republicanmoderates.com. The Republicans have changed the law four times and sued us twice trying to do us in before our movement gets to big to stop.

5,200 Alaskan voters have registered as Republican Moderates with Alaska's division of elections. We are the fastest growing Political Party in Alaska. We need to reach 10,000 if we are to fully avoid the Republican Party's endless efforts to bring about our demise. Our survival depends on membership and you can help by simply joining the Republican Moderate Party.


Aug. 13, Anchorage Daily News: Combined ballot OK, court says

PARTIES: Ruling means Greens, Republican Moderates can appear together in primary.

By MATT VOLZ
The Associated Press
Published: August 13th, 2005
Last Modified: August 13th, 2005 at 06:13 AM

JUNEAU -- The Alaska Supreme Court has struck down as unconstitutional a state law requiring separate ballots for political parties in primary elections.

The ruling, released Friday, means parties will be allowed to place their candidates' names on a single ballot, giving voters the choice of different parties for nominations in state primaries. It also could give small parties a boost in their ability to raise money and attract enough registered voters to keep their party status.

The decision is a victory for the Green and Republican Moderate parties, which filed the lawsuit against the state in 2002 after the state would not allow the two parties to combine their ballots.

"(Voters) have wider choices now than what they had with the individual ballots," Green Party chairman Larry Buchholz said. "The small parties whose rights are being trampled on get a chance to be on a more equal footing. They will never be equal, but we're closer than we were."

Attorney General David Marquez released a statement through his spokesman, Mark Morones, that said he was disappointed in the decision, but he declined to comment on the details of the case.

The state in 2001 switched from a blanket primary -- where all candidates are on a single ballot -- to allowing political parties to choose whether they want a closed primary, an open primary or something in between. The new law required each political party to have its own ballot on which only its candidates could appear. A voter had to choose one ballot out of all those available.

The Republican Moderate and Green parties in their lawsuit argued that the law violated the First and 14th Amendments and their right to associate with voters and each other.

The state argued that parties do not have a right to associate with each other through the ballot and that voters have no fundamental right to vote in a primary for all candidates.

Attorneys for the state told the court there would be numerous consequences of combined-ballot primaries, among them ballot overcrowding, voter confusion, disorderly and inefficient elections and political instability.

The Supreme Court opinion, written by Chief Justice Alexander Bryner, affirmed a lower court's ruling that the law was unconstitutional. Bryner wrote that the state's arguments were too abstract to justify restricting the rights of the Green and Republican Moderate parties.

"We think that the Green and Republican Moderate parties' First Amendment rights under the United States Constitution include a right to share a ballot and thereby to seek the participation of members of the other political party who, if forced to choose, would vote in their own political party's primary," Bryner wrote.

The state was under a court order to allow combined ballots in the 2004 primary election, said Laura Glaiser, director of the state Division of Elections. As a result, there were three ballots: the Republican ballot, a Democratic-combined ballot that registered Republicans could not select and a ballot with all other parties that anybody could choose.

The state's Democrats changed their policy in May to allow anybody to vote in their primary. That means if the Republicans keep their primary separate, there will likely be two ballots to choose from in the 2006 primary: the Republican ballot and a ballot with all other parties.

Ray Metcalfe, chairman of the Republican Moderate Party, said the ruling may put voter pressure on the Republican Party to return to a blanket primary system. Now, only voters registered Republican, nonpartisan and undeclared may vote in the Republican primary.

Randy Ruedrich, chairman of the Republican Party, said everybody in Alaska not a member of another party can vote in Republican primaries, or about 78 percent of registered voters. Republicans will change nothing as a result of the ruling, he said.

"I don't see where it has any impact of any consequence," Ruedrich said.

Ruedrich noted that the Republican Moderates aren't recognized as a political party in Alaska. Neither is the Green Party. Both, because of their size, are considered political organizations.

State law requires that to achieve and maintain ballot status, political parties must field a candidate who receives at least 3 percent of the vote in the last governor's race or that the party's registered membership equal that number.

A separate lawsuit is before the Alaska Supreme Court challenging the Greens' party status, member Jim Sykes said. Metcalfe said his group should have enough registered voters for party status by the 2006 election.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

My Cousin Loren is Just SO Funny


Donkey In The Well

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.

Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well.

At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

NOW --------

Enough of that crap . . .

The donkey later came back and bit the shit out of the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected, and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.

MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:
When you do something wrong and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.


Horses at the Race

A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer meets him before the race and says, ''All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, 'ALLLLEEE OOOP!' really loudly in the horse's ear. Providing you do that, you'll be fine.''

The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer's ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers 'Aleeee ooop' in the horse's ear. The same thing happens--the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, ''It's no good, I'll have to do it,'' and yells, ''ALLLEEE OOOP!'' really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third.

The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong. The jockey replies, ''Nothing is wrong with me--it's this bloody horse. What is he--deaf or something?''

The trainer replies, ''Deaf?? DEAF?? He's not deaf--he's BLIND!''


Cowboy In A Gay Bar

A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. "But what the heck," he says to himself, I really want a drink."

When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, "What's the name of your penis?" The cowboy says, Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink."

The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis. Mine for instance is called Nike, for the slogan 'Just Do It.' That guy down at the end of the bar calls his Snickers, because 'It really Satisfies'."

The cowboy looks dumbfounded so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over. So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left, who is sipping on a beer, "Hey bud, what's the name of yours?" The man looks back and says with a smile "TIMEX"

The thirsty cowboy asks, "Why Timex?"

The fella proudly replies, "Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'!"

A little shaken, the cowboy turns to two fella's on his right, who happen to be sharing a fruity Margarita and says, " So, what do you guys call yours?"

The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because Quality is Job One." Then he adds, "Have you driven a Ford, lately?" The guy next to him then says, "I call mine CHEVY ... Like A Rock!" And gives a wink.

Even more shaken, the Cowboy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his manhood.

Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my penis is SECRET. Now give me a beer."

The bartender begins to pour the cowboy a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, "Why Secret?"

The cowboy says, "Because it's STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN !!



Mad Cows

Two cows were talking in the field.

One cow says, "Have you heard about the Mad Cow disease that's going around?"

The other cow answers, "Yeah, makes you glad you're a penguin, doesn't it?"



Vulgar Parrot

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00. "Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam." The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's not so bad."

When her two teenage daughters returned from school
the bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but
then began to laugh about the situation.

Moments later, the woman's husband, Keith, came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said, "Hi Keith "


Gorilla Removal Service

This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one.

"Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?" the service guy asks. "Boy," is the man's response. "Oh yeah, I can do it. I'll be right there." An hour later the service guy shows up with a stick, a Chihuahua, a shotgun, and a pair of handcuffs. He then gives the man some instructions. "Now, I'm going to climb this tree and poke the gorilla with the stick until he falls.

When he does, the trained Chihuahua will bite the gorilla's testicles off. The gorilla will then cross his hands to protect himself and allow you to put the handcuffs on."

The man asks, "What do I do with the shotgun?"
"If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the dog."
Filed in:

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Girlfriend is in the News, Again.


Wasilla neighbors clash over dog kennel in their midst

SHELTIES: Owner says she'll move before giving up majority of 18 animals.

By KYLE HOPKINS
Anchorage Daily News

Published: August 11th, 2005 Last Modified: August 11th, 2005 at 03:15 AM

WASILLA -- Corral all of Deborah Luper's Shetland sheepdogs on a scale, and they might weigh a total of 350 pounds.

"We're not talking about really a lot of dog here," Luper said.

But we are talking about a lot of dogs. Eighteen of them, by her count, and many of Luper's neighbors along the southern edge of Wasilla city limits aren't happy.

They say the shelties may fare well at dog shows, but that as a pack, they create a noisy, smelly problem that threatens neighborhood ground water, not to mention property values. Luper says she's a conscientious dog owner and keeps a responsible kennel.

Though animal control officers have ordered Luper to give the dogs up within weeks, she says her shelties are like her family and she'll move before losing them.

Luper is 45 years old, with a resume taller than any of her prized - and prize-winning - little dogs. She's been a beauty queen, a cop and a pilot. She was a district chairwoman of the Republican Party, president of the Eagle River community council and a founder of the Christian Coalition of Alaska. She was an aide to Anchorage Assemblyman Dan Sullivan and the plaintiff in an Alaska Supreme Court case challenging the election of Mayor Mark Begich.

A Wasilla resident, Luper, 45, is living in the first home she has ever owned. She has until Aug. 18 to find homes for all but three of her shelties, which weigh about 20 pounds each and look like little collies. The city has denied her application for a kennel permit, based largely on more than 20 objection letters it received from neighbors.

John Jones, for example, an electrician who lives next door to Luper's kennel, built his house four years ago, and broke his finger doing it, he said. All he has is invested in the home on Bay View Drive.

But Jones says he and his wife talk about selling the house if the dogs stay, and says it's selfish of Luper to try and keep her kennel in the face of so many complaints from her neighbors.

Jones talked about how it could be tougher to sell his house with the kennel nearby and described the odd sound of the de-barked dogs trying to make noise.

"The whole thing is just too bizarre," he said.

Wasilla allows its residents three dogs without a kennel permit. In the subdivision Luper lives in, covenants prohibit a commercial kennel or breeding business.

Luper contends that she isn't breaking the covenant because she's not a breeder raising dogs for profit. As for the city laws, she hopes to get those changed.

Luper says the city should adopt a permit for "hobby" kennels to raise show dogs and pets but not to make money.
Jones, the neighbor, argues that if the city changes the rules for one person, it creates the danger of hobby kennels popping up all over Wasilla. He pictures back yards full of hound dogs howling next to people's new dream homes.

Adopting such a change could take the city months, but if Luper can convince planners to talk about it, she could get an extension and keep her dogs in the meantime, said Kat Bullington, administrator for animal safety and protection for the city of Houston. Wasilla contracts with Houston for animal control services.

Without the hobby kennel designation, Luper is technically considered an animal hoarder, Bullington said. Luper faces a citation if she keeps the dogs, though she could probably get an extension if she shows she's trying to find them new homes.
Luper would rather leave, she said. "It's like asking me to sell off my children."

Even if she gave all the dogs away to local shelters, it could overload rescue groups if the dogs arrived at the same time, Bullington said.

And for Luper, the shelties represent a big investment. One she bought from a breeder in Japan was worth $6,000, she said, and that was before the dog earned champion status in Japan, Canada and the United States.

The shelties' triumphs can be found on a Web site, www.wyndsongshelties. com, celebrating Luper's kennel. The site describes shelties as an inquisitive breed of charming, devoted pranksters that are born for herding, but with a bark that sometimes annoys neighbors.

"Be warned," it reads. "Shelties are like potato chips. It's difficult to stop with just one!"

Contact reporter Kyle Hopkins a khopkins@adn.com or call 352-6710.

Hotel Rwanda


I wasn't ready to see this move. I watched it on a whim with Rada and coming out we both felt blessed to be in America. We felt so strongly for the people of Rwanda, the terrifying journey that they are experiencing, and the strength and beauty of the people.

We felt a deep appreciation for the courage and bravery of the individuals and company that this story was based on, and wanted a memorial at the site so that all would know what happened there.

A must see film, for a day when you need a serious reality break from the bullshit you think your life is filled with. Don Cheadle and Sophie Okonedo's performances will resignate. This film will give you a new lease on life.

Moulin Rouge


This movie moves so fast in the editing the first time I saw it I came out with a headache. I forced myself to sit through a second showing so that my brain had a chance to process it just out of pure spite - because I hate musicals. After five or six viewings it locked Baz Luhrmann in as one of my favorite directors. If we could only talk him into doing more Shakespeare.

The costumes and sets are divine, the soundtrack clever. I want to see more of the dancing, bring on the dancing girls. The tango scene wets my appetite for the spot-on choreography. And lets us not forget the Romeo & Juliet relationship taken to another level with Nicole Kidman and Ewan McGregor. Glad to see the John Leguizamo as Toulouse-Lautrec. Clever, funny, have to admit to quick-witted and fast-paced for me to keep up with - isn't that refreshing. Thank you Craig Pearce. A brilliant piece of work, not for lazy viewing.

Friday, August 12, 2005

Words That Don't Exist but Should


1. AQUADEXTROUS - Possessing the ability to turn the bathroom faucet on and off with your toes.

2. CARPERPETUATION - The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

3. DISCONFECT - To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow 'remove' all the germs.

4. ELBONICS - The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater or airplane.

5. FRUST - The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keep backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

6. PEPPIER - The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems
to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.

7. PHONESIA - The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting
whom you were calling just as they answer.

8. PUPKUS - The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.

9.TELECRASTINATION - The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.
Filed in:

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Hair-a-frying Experience


My hair is orange. Orange tinted really, like orange sherbert. It didn't start out that way, and I really have no one to blame but myself.

On my birthday (the dread 40) I had a city council meeting so I dropped Casmir off at Sara Nan's house so they could play while Sara mocked me on TV.

Oops, I meant to say watched me on TV. Anyway, to keep themselves occupied they had a day-of-beauty and tried out some new products that Sara had picked up. These products included self tanner (Casmir now has knees that match my hair) and a bottle of hair dye that was bright pink.

I came in, a bit numb, sat on the stool - next thing I know I am sitting on the porcelain Plebe and Sara is putting brink pink goop on my hair with watch looks suspiciously like a miniature toilet brush. With a quick rinse we soon discovered that I looked like a clown. Two rinses and lots of soap later I had rather amazing highlights, and a even more amazing pink tone to my hair.

It didn't come out the next day either. After several shampoos. Although the sides started to really start looking blotchie. Sara called to see if I was going to sue her and promised never to use experimental new-on-the-market permanent beauty products on me ever again. (I think she was lying.)

I asked for divine intervention and was refused, although a hair appointment was made for me at the local beauty shop with a Filipino girl who had corrected a major hair color faux paus before.

Unfortunately, it was not the Filipino girl who did my hair - it was a very sweet Thai girl who had been in Seward for less than a year, spoke broken English, and had just started doing hair. She advised she studied in Galena. Don't shake your head, I have never been to Galena either and couldn't find it on a map if I tried.

I did find it on the internet. Apparently 664 people live in Galena, 305 of whom are women. The median resident age is 28.5 years and the village is 67.4% Alaska Native. Galena is in the Yukon Koyukuk area and takes up just under 18 square miles. There is no road there. The low temp. for January is -12.9 F., the high for July is 68.3 F. January had 10 days with precipitation and July has 15.

American translation: Presuming she did the hair of every woman in town while she was there, my color expert worked on perhaps 100 women who did not have beautiful jet black hair.

Now lets take that 100 through the rest of the states we know. According to New York-based Simmons Market Research Bureau one in three women admit to coloring their hair. That takes our pool down to 33 people. Demographics by Clairol suggest that 40% of all hair dye in the Pacific region is brown. Now we have 13 people in our pool. 20% is red. Gives us 10 people. Knock off one more for black, leaving us with 9 possible practice blondes before Thai got me. Of the 9 remaining souls 45% are bottled blondes. 5 people.

So, after having the experience of working on five people Thai took on my clown head. First thing she wanted to do was take me back to my natural color - dark brown. Only problem with that theory is that I was born blonde, have always been blonde, and my hair kinda resists being anything but blonde. Although apparently it has a healthy sense of humor.

After a great deal of very anxious negotiating I agreed to a very dark blonde brown. It didn't take. It did leave my hair a brassy gold with orange tones.

Then a medium tone brown and pure bleach were put in to see if they could lift the dull color. The bleach did add some pinkie orange highlights, but the brown did nothing. She was willing to try again, but noted that my hair was really fried and I shouldn't use a curling iron any time soon. I elected to leave, thanking her graciously for trying.

Actually it isn't the worst job ever done on my hair, the Aveda salon in Victoria British Columbia holds that distinction. The salon, not the school. It was in late October and they apparently thought that I was looking for a Halloween haircut. Not exactly what I had in mind.

In New Orleans I got crazy from all the humidity and went in for a cut. The man had never cut "white" hair before, never cut long hair before, and took almost an hour brushing the tangles from my shampooed hair.

My one of my best cuts was from the single mom who lived next door in a basement apartment, she gave me a freebee after my gas stove exploded - sending me through the kitchen door into her apartment with my hair and face on fire. I had second and third degree burns, and was missing a shock of hair...but she actually was talented enough to style it so you couldn't really tell. Bless her twice.

The other best cut, my Goddess cut, was from a dancer who worked on cruise ships named Lauren. She rocked, I hopped out of her chair looking the best I ever looked. Should have taken a picture. Years later I tried to track her down and found her sister, who also gave me a decent cut. Great family.

Admittedly, I am generally very lazy when it comes to my hair. Most days I just run my fingers through it a couple times and wrap it up in a rubber band. I have long hair so I only have to cut it twice a year. It is naturally wavy, so curling irons are a special event option, although I have been known to yank out the flat iron if I have serious clients inroute.

At the same time I will sit patiently for HOURS while others avail themselves to playing with the hair. Same with make up. Best part of modeling, the hair and makeup staff. I am not a competency snob, however, I will sit there even if they are six and putting it into mismatched braids. But the clown color thing, that is just a little too much for me.

After all, I am the last living spokesmodel for the long-defunct Alaska Shampoo, and I have an image to maintain.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

St. Peters Church


ST. PETER’S EPISCOPAL CHURCH
239 Second Avenue,
P.O. Box 676
Seward, Alaska 99664
907.224.3975
http://www.stpeters-seward.org/

St. Peter’s Church was formed June 12, 1904 with a small group of people meeting at the residence of Dr. Daniel H. Sleem.

The celebrant was Reverand F.C. Taylor of Valdez where he was the priest-in-charge of the Church of the Epiphany. During next few years services alternated between Moore’s Hall, the Alaska Northern Railroad depot and a tent the members erected.

During the winter of 1905, plans for construction were made for the Second Avenue Building. A late January 1906 arrival of building materials allowed the construction to begin, and by mid-March the majority of the exterior work was completed.

The pioneer Alaskan prelate Bishop P.T. Rowe dedicated the church. Since his first visit on April 1, 1906, Rowe would occasionally visit the congregation, performing baptisms and confirmations. St. Peter’s Church was the first Protestant church established on the Kenai Peninsula.

St. Peter’s embraced the spirit of ecumenism. and its membership joined with the Catholics for special occasions. They worked together with all the other church congregations to meet the important needs of the community. The Woman’s Auxiliary raised funds, aided the church and helped with many social projects. A Sunday School was also organized shortly after the completion of the building.

Although it was established early in Seward’s history, the Church suffered for extended periods of time without a resident priest. Initially it was visited periodically by clerics headquartered at Valdez and the Episcopalian Bishop of Alaska, P.T. Rowe.

In 1915, the Reverend Edward H. Mohony, who was the missionary in charge of the Prince William Sound area, came to Seward to organize a permanent post.

From the membership a finance committee was appointed, establishing Harry L. Balderston as chairperson, Erich Lucas as treasurer, Andrew G. de Sherbinin and Charles H. Clark. St. Peter’s Guild organized church officers: Mrs. Sam M. Graff, president; Mrs. W.E. Root, vice president; Mrs. Erich Lucas, secretary; and Mrs. A.G. de Sherbinin, treasurer.

Mohony had originally planned to return to Anchorage on the Farragut with his family, but the port was ice bound and inaccessible. The ship returned to Seward, where the local community persuaded the Reverand to stay until spring.

The Reverend Mohony, his wife, and daughters Shelia and Molly stayed at the Thoday residence as the Episcopalians had no rectory. Mohony had originally volunteered to come to Alaska to stay with Bishop Rowe for one year, but remained for three. He was stationed at Valdez, organized the church in Anchorage, and visited Kodiak.

Entirely at his own expense, Mohony traveled more than 5,000 miles on Alaska waters. He traveled 2,300 miles on dog sled through Interior Alaskan trails. Mohony organized a mission at Shungnat on the Kobuk River. He was the first missionary to visit the Nabesna and Tetlin Indians. The Reverend Mohony and his family left Alaska for California on May 5, 1916,

On November 20, 1916, Reverand George John Zinn arrived to hold services and meet with parishioners to discuss building a rectory so a permanent clergyman could remain in Seward. Zinn purchased the lot adjacent to the church from the Ballaines for $250, and made plans to buy the adjoining lot in the future.

Zinn noted that the church building was complete, but had no interior furnishings. There was no altar, pews, chairs or other necessities to conduct services. It needed a new chimney and a heating plant. Services were being held in the basement, using a storage box as an altar.

The Reverend Zinn was alternating services between Valdez and Seward – but it is recorded that in February 1917, he was also curate of St. John’s Episcopal Church in New York…which may have assisted in his fundraising efforts.

Zinn sketched plans and specifications for a rectory and mailed them to an architect. He obtained funds to complete the interior of the church as well as and build and furnish the rectory. The construction of the Episcopal rectory was authorized in August 1917, and by November the outside work was completed.

In February 1917, a small circulating library was established when Miss E.K. Chamberlain, a member of the St. James Episcopal Church of Monclair, New Jersey donated more than 100 books of recent fiction, scientific, and theological books to the church. Mrs. A.H. McNeer was the first librarian, opening Thursdays at her home.

In 1921, the Reverend E.W. Hughes of Anchorage led services at Seward on every third Sunday. The Woman’s Guild was organized in 1922. In 1923, Anchorage Reverend Burdette Lansdowne served the Seward Episcopalians.

St. Peter’s was blessed in 1924, when Dutch artist, Jan Van Emple came to Seward for a two year visit. It has been reported that Van Emple ran away from home and came to the New World as a cabin boy. From September to November of 1925, he worked on his first sacred picture, “The Resurrection,” for the rear of the church’s altar. This reredos is a unique work as it depicts the Ascension and well as the Resurrection of Christ.

Instead of apostles, the painting includes people of Alaska. Eskimos, a trapper, a fisherman and a pioneer woman make up the foreground. The little Indian mother is unable to lift her head to up to heaven with the rest because her baby weighs so heavily upon her back.

The prospector, a self-portrait of Van Emple, stands in his rough shirt and suspenders, rugged, true to life, his shallow round pan dropped from his hand and rolled against the open seplchre. The angels on either side of Christ are portraits of Van Emple’s two sisters. The empty tomb is shown against the mountains and waters of Resurrection Bay.

The whole conception forms a work of great piety and unusual beauty. $650 was raised by subscription for this painting which reflects the Church’s teaching to “preach peace to them that are far off and to them that are nigh.”

Van Emple was featured in the Gertrude Vanderbilt Whitney Studio Club when it opened in New York in 1918, and took part in a number of East Coast exhibits. His work is held in the collections of the Anchorage Museum of History and Art, and is currently featured in nine published works. Van Emple is mostly known for his coastal landscapes of Alaska.

In 1927, Anchorage Reverend William A. Thomas and Cordova Reverend L.F. Kent conducted services at St. Peters. July 1928, W.R. MacPherson became a pastor at St. Peters. In June 1929 MacPherson met with Fairbanks Bishop Rowe to receive his ordination into the deaconate of the church. MacPherson transferred to Anchorage in February 1930.

On September 25, 1938 the Guild of St. Peters Episcopal Church was organized. Officers were Mrs. Edith Thoday, president; Mrs. Katherine Rager, vice president; and Mrs. Beryl Wagner, secretary-treasurer.

Father Warren R. Fenn, pastor of Anchorage’s All Saints Episcopal Church, conducted services occasionally from the late 1930s to the 1940s. In 1968, Father Randall Mendelsohn was replaced by Father Everett Wenrick. In 1978, Reverend Charles Lechner conducted services.

Commissioned Lay Minister Mary Elizabeth Lee was the minister during the late 1970s and 1980s. Mrs. Myrle Diener was ordained into the Episcopal priesthood at Seward on June 11, 1988 and was subsequently installed as vicar. Diener served the congregation through April 1993, with Vicar Ron N. Heister arriving in September 1993.

In 2004, the Reverand Robert Thomas thevicar@stpeters-seward.org serves as vicar and Br. Emmanuel Williamson mymonk@stpeters-seward.org serves as BSG.

Monday, August 08, 2005

Charlies Angels


If a picture says a thousand words this one should speak volumes about our weekend with Congressman Don Young.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Why Calvin Coolidge and Warren Harding Completely Rock


Our completely forgotten 29th and 30th presidents should be ranked in the top five. They served without high-PR large-scale social engineering or legislative programs. They didn't involve the United States in any major foreign wars. They simply left the American people alone and let the system work, which made them forgettable.

I will grant that neither should be considered a sterling ideal when it came to their personal or political lives, but in their role as president it seems to me that they "got it."

The result of their presidential style was one of the most economically prosperous times in American history. The top income tax rate fell from 73% to 25%, and in the lower income brackets many saw their income tax burden eliminated completely. Union membership dwindled while wages increased and working hours decreased. American businesses set production records.

Warren Harding made no move to reinvent the world, and no effort to strengthen and enlarge the office of the president like Wilson had. He was loved by the American people even though Harding did not labor himself wondering if the United Nations or the French approved of his chosen course of action.

"Confident of our ability to work out our own destiny and jealously arding our right to do so, we seek no part in directing the destinies of the Old World. We do not mean to be entangled. We will accept no responsibility except as our own judgment and conscience may determine." Harding declared.

Calvin Coolidge was an unassuming man who offered amazing sound bites:

"Nothing is easier than the expenditure of public money. It doesn't appear to belong to anyone. The temptation is overwhelming to bestow it on somebody."

"It is probable that a press which maintains an intimate touch with the business currants of the nations is likely to be more reliable than it would be if it were a stranger to these influences. After all, the chief business of the American people is business. They are profoundly concerned with buying, selling, investing and procuring in the world."

"Civilization and profits go hand in hand."

"The people know the difference between pretense and reality. They want to be told the truth. They want to be trusted. They want a chance to work out their own material and spiritual salvation. The people want a government of common sense."

"It has always seemed to me that common sense is the real solvent for the nation's problems at all times - common sense and hard work."

"A man who has the companionship of a lovely and gracious woman enjoys the supreme blessing that life can give."

"Education is to teach men not what to think, but how to think."

"Fate bestows rewards on those who put themselves in the proper attitude to receive them."

"I want the people of America to be able to work less for the government and more for themselves. I want them to have the rewards of their own industry. This is the chief meaning of freedom."

Both men have been maligned by the writers of history as strict supporters of laissez-faire economics and nonintervention in foreign affairs. Compared to the previous decade - World War I, that is probably true.

It is also true that neither Harding nor Coolidge established a Square Deal, a New Deal, a New Frontier, a Great Society, or a New Covenant. They just pretty much stayed out of American's lives and the American economy.

The results? At the end of their tenure the United States contributed an amazing 34% of total world production. By comparison the next largest contributors, Britain and Germany, came in at just over 10%. Not a bad thing in my book.

We named a glacier ice field after Harding that extends to a great view from my property in the Hamptons. Alaska was the last stop in this unassuming, but by all Alaskan counts personable man. He walked the streets of Seward without fanfare, casually chatting with the locals. We found him endearing.

Saturday, August 06, 2005

Must be August


10:34 a.m., received a ring from a desperate Rada.

She has scoured all of Alaska looking for a presentation box for a hardcover book on Siberia that is going to be given to Boris Yeltsin on Monday.

Wrapping will not do, and she has around a grand to blow. In-route to Norties she rang me to determine if I had any recommendations.

Think, think, think. Downtown Anchorage, corner of Third and K Street, there is a little nonassuming shop owned by a man with one of those craze white moustaches that you only see in the movies.

His name is Walter, and he has acquired from Col. Vaughan articles from Admiral Byrd's explorations. He also has a reasonable collection of Russian America-period artifacts...off chance that there may be something in her price range that will work.

Casmir comes by to advise that she has checked with the pool and would like to go swimming between 3:30-4:30 today. She leaves a large yellow note on my desk to remind me, before returning to her studies.

Next call, 11:02 a.m., Sara Nan needs me to to come down to the docks today to learn how to shoot the classic "congressman with a big fish" pose so that I can be second camera during the Alaska Sealife Center Invitational for the next three days.

11:15 a.m., Sara is deciding whether or not she is going to bring her printer to the booth or keep it at the office. Boats may be coming in early because it is cold and raining. Ya-da, ya-da. Needs me to stop by and grab a "Staff Photographer" jacket on my way out.

Notice that my corner pile of laundry is now up to my shoulders. Eat two brownies and a glass of whole milk for breakfast. Copy four picture CDs onto my LaCie Drive.

At 12:34 a.m I am advised by the Chamber of Commerce that I am the 20th person to sign up for Saturday morning's official tour of the Navy destroyer USS Russell, which means I am not allowed to bring a guest.

Figures. No open toed shoes, high heels, dresses, purses, handbags, lots of stairs and the gift shop only takes cash. This looks to be a good time. Check the bonus box for being on City Council.

1:47 a.m. Sara rings in a panic because the boats are in. Stop by her house and grab shirts and jackets for Casmir and myself. Casmir loves the black shirts, but not happy with the "roomie" grey fleece jackets. Extra room lets the cold in.

I completely re-organize the defunt system while snapping a zillion photos of tired people and big fish. Not really, I collect names and e-mail addresses while Sara snaps a zillion photos of tired people and big fish. Hand me a business card or fill out a form is the name of today's game.

Casmir is in charge of handing out pens, herding traffic, and storing the data. She gets slipped a $5 tip from one of the fishermen and is very excited about that. After half-a-dozen boats come in, and half-a-million tourists try to walk through our shot, Casmir retires to the top floor of the Lighthouse to warm up.

Has been a relatively cold month, and today was no exception. Rough seas turned most of the halibut charters into silver salmon charters. The silvers were large and shine-ie, more than one boat captain decided to lie on the ground in front of his group with a 25+lb. fish carefully positioned to visually extend his member. Must be a guy-thing.

Very tired, thinking about going to the Liberty Theater so that I can get revived watching the Wedding Crashers. Casmir is up for it but the other eight people I check with have already seen it or have made previous arrangements for the evening.

Stop by the ATM at the First National Bank of Alaska, the only ATM in existence that works off of $50s instead of $20. Casmir climbs the tree outside while she is waiting.

Around the corner is the theater, and inroute we run into Tina who is going to the show with a co-worker. Tina is a very pleasant, attractive, intelligent, industrious woman who was on the verge of going psycho earlier this year.

For those of you who read the Seward Gateway link off my website (dorenelorenz.com) a quick click on "Steve Schafer" in the Seward Singles section will explain it all.

At the Liberty we get in for $12; buy a soda, two candies, and a popcorn for $7.30; and the mom-and-pop who own it, the Fletchers, offer condolences for our Grandma Mom. As does Tina, who did physical therapy with my grandfather - and still remembers his jokes.

We settle into the luxurious reclining red mohair chairs that are older than I am and watch the commercial-less trailers. The movie has its moments, mostly of distraction. Casmir covers her eyes off and on, but cracks up over a dozen times.

After the show I ring Sara Nan to see if she needs help printing and framing the 50 shots that will need to be delivered Friday. She suggests she has it covered, although I note it is 9:30 p.m., she is driving some hitchhiking VIPs to the Yukon, and she hasn't even started the project.

Hop on my iMac and self-teach html code. Takes me a couple hours of experimenting but I finally figure out how to add links and content to the sidebar on this blog. At 2:30 a.m. I call it a day.

7:30 a.m. the small children downstairs wake me up with a temper tantrum. I don't recall my child ever screaming in the morning, but over the last couple years I have been through a revolving door of six children living below me who seem to make it a habit. Not liking that at all.

Look up in the skylight to see blue sky and sunshine. Finish composing this post and decide I would like to go back to bed for a little nap now that the world is quiet again.

Before I get a chance Casmir comes in and shows me a molar she just wiggled out of her mouth, the fourth one she has lost this month. Less than five minutes to get it out once she started wiggling it. She is going to call the pool, I am going to hit spell check.